With Phase 1 drawing to a close, the climate has changed to one of foreboding and trepidation as FPL Managers nervously await their report cards. Whose future is sustainable, and who risks joining Deano, Farke, Nuno, Brucie, and whoever was the last one through the revolving door at Watford, in the dole queue or, even worse, the short-list for the Norwich job? What we do know is that only one Manager gets to reveal the secret of their success in the Big Boris Interview, with all the attendant praise, adulation, and tabloid stalking. Stay tuned as, like me modelling my new offsets, all will be revealed.
THE RESULTS ARE IN…
Krul Intentions 2-2 Rooney Tunes
In what’s becoming a familiar record for Krul Intentions, merciless execution by Az and Spatburgunder, who both notched 75pts in the H2Hs, was nullified by a limp performance in the squad match, and Sanchit (71pts) and Green Dragon (70pts) ensured that the Rooney Tunes were still standing when the Fat Lady sang. The word is that Suvansh will be getting the squad in for extra trolling practice.
Flying without Ings 3-0 Too Krul for Siu
In one of the turn-ups of the week Flying without Ings finally achieved take-off, and it was Club Class all the way as they soared to a 3-0 victory. There wasn’t much action in the cockpit, but the cabin crew did their job, with rozzer and Trust John being the top trolley dollies with 79pts. The turbulence was too much for Too Krul for Siu, who have now plummeted to Ole-level standards of navigation.
Hwang King in a Greenwood 6-0 Hey MaccaReina!
Also rising to the occasion, Hwang King in a Greenwood delivered the shock of the season by shaking Hey MaccaReina! into submission. The Mods were rocked by Sham86’s brace in the H2Hs, and were also pounded in the squad match, with FPL_Beery exploding for 82pts. It was all too much for the League leaders, who were soon reaching for the tissues.
Toxic Seaman 2-2 Shearer’s bunch of Flowers
The whiff of success was finally becalmed as Toxic Seaman were cut down to size by the fragrant florists. Greyhead did his job at the wheel with 80pts and a brace, but the crew were buttonholed in the squad match where Joserz (77pts) and Ravi Vyas (75pts) came up smelling of roses. The comeback by Shearer’s bunch of Flowers would have been complete but for 78 pts being left on the bench. I predict a riot.
Lloris the Hounds 2-5 Footstock Alumni
The Bull market is now in full swing as Footstock Alumni secured successive victories. The Hounds made a fast start with Mashuud getting an attaboy for his brace in the H2Hs, but timely investments by Umberto (80pts), Girty92 (75pts) and FPL Ninja (72pts) paid dividends for the Alumni, who trousered the points in a 5-2 win.
The Nameless Ones 2-0 Shot to the Hart and Yorke to blame
In a week when the other leaders slipped up, the Nameless Ones went to Number One with a 2-0 victory. In a sign of things to come, Randy Shafter opened the scoring in the H2Hs, while FPL Editor kept things mute at the other end. Shot to the Hart’s score in the squad match would have beaten most eponymous teams, but when the music stopped it was the men in grey suits who had sealed the deal.
Free Britney’s Areola 0-5 Carroll’s Christmas Island
In the clash of the keepers, it was the Ginger Islanders who feasted on Free Britney’s Areola. Fpl_Fudge led off with a pair in the H2Hs, and a further handful in the squad match wrapped up a 5-0 victory, and a return to winning ways.
Bachmann and Robben 0-2 Hanging by a Fred
The crime wave in Gotham City shows no sign of abating as the well-hung Freds stole away with the points; and surely it can only be a matter of time before Commissioner Gordon discards the Bat Phone for a hotline to the Special One. Jake Donahue (75pts) deserves to be deputised for his performance in a losing cause, and Ragabolly will be seeking justice following the benching of his 74-point haul. The Fred’s new super-villain status was underpinned by a headline performance from petergriff (69pts), with nefarious support from Firminoooo (73pts) and rigudfootiemanager (70pts).
Fantastic Mr Fox 3-0 Jimmy Floyd Hamsterbaink
The fur was flying as the hamsters were hunted down in ruthless fashion by a clinical Fox pack. The crowd gasped as Xhaka Laca drew blood in the H2Hs, and there was further nibbling in the squad match with Shareef Babu (76pts) showing the cubs how it’s done.
Defoe King Unbelievables 0-3 Son of a Gunn
In the battle of the expletives, the Defoe Kings were weighed down by the extra syllables and were unable to match the firepower unleashed by Son of a Gunn. FplRichie kept it tight in the H2Hs, where MVP Mark Sutherns was also cunningly deployed as a loss leader, but it was the 56-point salute from the Artillery, with Kun Karam and dvbutler leading the line, that delivered a convincing win.
Ayew Lonesome Tonight 0-1 Catch me if U Kane
There was little action for the voyeurs in the dating game, as Catch me if U Kane continued to play hard to get, and it was Ayew Lonesome Tonight who went home alone. VinDablue (79pts) did his best to get the party started, but a succession of bum notes allowed the Kanes to sneak off with the win.
No Fuchs Given 1-0 The Hairy Henry
Winning the dubious honour of being the last game shown, the Carefree fell to the Careless in the match that nobody could be bothered to get out of bed for. FPLMartin’s 75pts for No Fuchs Given set an example that none of his teammates could follow, but it was still too much for the gallic maestro, notwithstanding the efforts of GauravGharge (70pts) and andriyballack (69pts).
The full results can be found here:
PLAYER OF THE WEEK
Honourable mentions go to VinDa Blue (Ayew Lonesome Tonight) and rozzer (Flying without Ings) with 79pts; and it’s caps off for Umberto (Footstock Aumni) and Toxic Seaman skipper, Greyhead (who proved wizards can multitask), with 80pts. However, the high fives go to FPL_Beery (Hwang King in a Greenwood) (82pts) for his top-scoring and giant-killing performance. Well done all.
HOW IT STANDS
There’s daylight at the top and The Nameless Ones can no longer avoid stepping into the limelight. If he can find her, Boris will be interrogating the Nameless Ones Manager, Linnbee, in a shameless attempt to improve his own FPL game. Toxic Seaman are leading the chase, but they’re a little unsteady after splicing the main brace, so it’s just as well that The Fantastic Mr Fox, No Fuchs Given, and Hey MaccaReina! are also still in the hunt. At the other end it’s Too Krul for Siu who are getting a taste of their own medicine.
The full table is as follows:
COMING UP NEXT
The Nameless One will be looking to hang on to their perfect record in Fred country; and the Press Gang will be deployed to ensure that Toxic Seaman have the firepower for their engagement with Shot to the Hart and York to blame. The Foxes will be looking to match the dodgy dealers in the Boardroom; and the Hey MaccaReinas will be doing what they know best against the Trolls; however, No Fuchs Given probably couldn’t give a toss about their appointment with the Caped Crusader. The hamsters will have their paws full in their match up; and in the cellar, Too Krul for Siu will be getting the Inquisition in to make the Rooney Tunes sing.
The full line up for Match Day 6 is as follows:
That’s all for this week. Enjoy the international break and, unless it becomes permanent, we’ll do it all again in Phase 2.