Hello, and welcome to “Not The Match of The Day” our weekly look at all the action and drama from the Strikers Keepers Losers Weepers Community Tournament, with me your host Smarmy Spudseller. I’m joined this week by Dunny Murphy, and of course, our wrinkled prune of a pundit Mark Lawromullet as we look at the opening fixtures of the competition.
If you don’t want to see the full results, then look away now or at least don’t click on this link which gives you all the info from the first set of matches.
THE RESULTS ARE IN…
Defoe King Unbelievable 1-2 Hey MaccaReina!
Our opening match sees the defending champions Defoe King Unbelievable taking on the Scout Mods and Cons, otherwise known as Hey MaccaReina! TedTalksFPL led by example scoring first before Bragazeti equalized past the despairing arms of G Whizz, only for Hey MaccaReina! Squad to snatch victory by 2 points to score the decisive goal.
Krul Intentions 2-1 Ayew Lonesome Tonight
All eyes were on the no.1 MVP draft pick Az but he was kept out of the limelight of the H2Hs for his debut. Pzpirate grabbed two goals and despite a heroic effort from Narcos with a massive 68 points, it was enough to see Krul Intentions to the win.
No Fuchs Given 0-6 Carroll’s Christmas Island
Christmas was cancelled for FPL Mihir’s troops, who were given a hiding by the Islanders, with big money signing LTFPL Andy scoring a hat-trick on his first appearance. Rumour has spread that the sound of smashing teacups was heard from the No Fuchs Given dressing room as Mihir kept Zophar, Pras, and the rest of the team back for a stern talking to.
Toxic Seaman 4-0 Flying without Ings
Nothing fishy about this result as the Seaman hit four past Sreethe1 and his team, a veteran striker called Greyhead hit one, but it was the squad team who ran riot with Jockie_10, Jairzinho, and Sneaky Pete all erupting with dazzling performances.
Son of a Gunn 4-0 Shearer’s Bunch of Flowers
It was billed as Mark vs Magnus, but they were nothing but spectators, and whilst the H2Hs failed to spark it was the midfield of FPL_Gills, Kun Karam, and Jac the Cat which shot the guns to victory.
The Nameless Ones 4-1 The Rooney Tunes
Lateriser12 was kept busy in goal as The Nameless Ones threw The Rooney Tunes into the gutter. Nikolasw81 struck the right note, but after that it was one way traffic with Linnbee leading by example with a classy 58 points.
The Fantastic Mr Fox 2-0 Free Britney’s Areola
Clearly the celebrations over the Pop Princess’ freedom had gone to their heads, as Sreenathjvm, with 59 points, peppered Big Man Bakar with shots. If it had not been for Bakar’s 60-point performance, it could have been a cricket score against Darth_Krid’s squad.
Lloris the Hounds 3-1 Hwang King in a Greenwood
A shock here as the unfancied subjects of the Differential King scored three past FPL Panda’s underperformers embarrassment. Clean Sheet Wipeout scored one, but it was one way traffic otherwise, and gro1994 must be wondering what he has to do to get a game for the bamboo lovers.
Bachmann and Robben 2-1 Too Krul for Siu
Biff! Kapow! Splat! Bachmann and Robben took the fight to Too Krul for Siu, but Chandler Bing’s team will be wondering what they have to do to win as both striker and keeper (Mrrahrah and Simon March) scored 55, and they had a 60-point performance from Geordienufc1. Yet it was Tets’ troops who gave a superheroic performance to get the first points on the board.
The Hairy Henry 4-1 Catch me if u Kane
One captain, GauravGharge, put himself on the bench whilst the other (KIRAFPL) played himself upfront, and whilst he scored, it was the hirsute ones who came out on top. There were impressive displays from BRKFCTrueRover 42, Jbansal1994, and NidhinMatthews here.
Hanging by a Fred 2-0 Jimmy Floyd Hamsterbaink
Richardsp93 led from the front as the Fred’s flushed the Hamsters down the toilet. Vobinho showed flashes of genius with 58, but it was not enough as Christoforusk_ and Gianni scored well and helped Hanging by a Fred to a closely fought victory, leaving the Hamsters spinning on that wheel.
Shot to the Hart and Yorke to Blame 4-0 Footstock Alumni
With two of his team firing scores in the sixties (take a bow TheFPLKiwi and FPLRobbed), there was no living on prayer for Auto Select’s rock stars as they put in a great performance. I am sure every week won’t always be a bed of roses, but I’ll stop there as I don’t want to give Bon Jovi puns a bad name.
The full results can be found here:-
PLAYER OF THE WEEK
A tricky decision here with so many great options. There was LTFPL Andy’s 61 point striking debut, Tom Freeman equalling that against the Toxic Seaman, and the deadly partnership of TheFPLKiwi and FPL Robbed.
However, pundit Dunny Murphy, after telling us he used to play with several of the players, has given this week’s award to Narcos with 68, who single-handedly did his best to stop the pain being dished out by Az and the Krul Intentions.
SCORING FOR FUN
We interrupt this evening’s broadcast to remind you all of how the scoring starts, as Mark Lawromullet explains “to be a great game, one of the teams has to score first” but to elaborate on this further:
Every match week, the team captain must choose a starting team of 14 from his 16 players’ squad. Within those 14 starters, one player should be selected to be the Striker, and a second to be the Goalkeeper.
These two players will play Head-to-Head against the opposition’s nominated players, Striker vs Goalkeeper. The name of the game here is to score goals. Should the Striker’s FPL score outscore his opposition’s Goalkeeper’s FPL score, he gets goals depending on the amount he outscores him by. So, for every 10 points they beat their opponent they get an additional goal.
The rest of the starting squad combine their 12 FPL scores, and should they outdo their opposition’s 12 players FPL scores, they too will score one goal or more, depending on the amount they outscore them by, so for every 20 points they score a further goal.
All the goals get added up to reach a final match week score. The winners get 3 league points, draws will see each team get a single league point, and loss gets nil points
HOW IT STANDS
Early days yet but Christmas has come early for FPL Hints and his team Carroll’s Christmas Island as they are present at the top of the table; yet watch the chasing pack of The Nameless Ones, Son of a Gunn, The Hairy Henry and Shot to the Hart and Yorke to Blame who all had good starts.
COMING UP NEXT
Some juicy matchups to look forward to when we return from our break, with the league leaders Carroll’s Christmas Island taking on the defending champions Defoe King Unbelievables who will be looking to come back strong after an opening day defeat.
There will be shots fired as two teams who started with a win, Shot to the Hart and Yorke to Blame, take on Son of a Gunn; and will Lloris the Hounds show more bite than bark as they take on Hey MaccaReina!
So that’s it for an opening weekend of action. Early battles have been won, but the war is just starting. Good night all!