Say What?

Pep Guardiola talks up his five – yes five – forwards, Eden Hazard probably needs to shut up and Mauricio Pochettino really really hearts Harry.

Say What? is back with more quotes of note, including plenty of chat on budget strikers and a Man United star determined to keep it real.

Pep foresees dead people

With some football managers, it’s all about needing to know when to read between the lines and when to take them literally.

Take Pep Guardiola on Sergio Aguero:

“He will die scoring goals, there is no doubt about that.”

That could be taken as a not-so veiled threat that Pep will be in the Stamford Bridge stands on Saturday with a sniper rifle but, of course, it’s really just another, if rather more chilling, way of saying Aguero’s a born striker.

However, this…

“All we can say is just to convince him to be involved in the way we want to play – not to be (just) like a striker heading the ball in the box and scoring a goal, but to try to make one high press in the right moment to help to win the ball as quickly possible, to attack as quickly as possible and to be involved in the process to play football.”

…is Pep actually saying ‘finally he’s worked out what I want from him and that’s why I’m picking him again’.

That’s great news for the 1.3 million of us with him in our teams right now.

Another 110,000 have bought him this week hoping that at Chelsea on Saturday evening he’ll finally equal (or hopefully break) the 77-year-old club goal scoring record held by Eric Brook.

Guardiola is transparent about that.

“The record is going to be broken.”

Only to immediately add a layer or two of mystery to his follow-up.

“Where? I don’t know. Maybe at home would be better.”

Does that mean he won’t play at Chelsea because it would be better, from a romantic point of view, if he were to break the record on home soil so that’s when he’ll get the chance? Or that he will play at Chelsea so he could do it there, but it would be nicer all in if he were to defer the moment until Gameweek 8 at home to Stoke City?

If this were, say, Spurs, none of it would matter because they only have one striker and he plays all the time.

But at City, Guardiola reckons he’s got quite a few more than that.

“ Now I have five strikers and all of them deserve to play. Gabriel (Jesus) is an amazing player, Bernardo Silva – every time he plays he creates for himself a lot things. Raheem (Sterling), Leroy (Sane), Sergio all of them are going to play, but I need them sharp.”

They might all deserve to play, but they clearly don’t get to.

Just ask Jesus.

“A year ago I was playing as a winger, and then I start to play as centre-forward. Now I started play as a winger again. So, it’s not easy. Sometimes it muddles you, it happens. If one player is in a better moment, I have to respect that.”

Four goals in three straight league matches rather suggested it was Jesus himself who was in that ‘better moment’, only for the Brazilian to be benched for last weekend’s Crystal Palace defenestration.

“Pep is doing great work here, using a lot of players in the squad and every player is helping Manchester City, that’s the most important thing. I’m really okay with that, I accept it. If I’m not playing well and deserve to be on the bench, that’s it, and it happens with any player here.”

If you believe that, you’ll believe anything, although the idea of it being Jesus in the stands with that rifle just got a whole lot more credible.

And so the City striker saga staggers on, just with an even bigger cast.

All we can be thankful for is that Pep’s boys are scoring enough goals to go around at the moment.

That might not be the case at Chelsea this weekend and, quite frankly, we have no idea who’s going to be starting and (maybe) scoring anyway.

Huge swathes of us have leapt on the idea of City coverage being essential in the last couple of weeks.

But as Jesus’ (diminishing) owners will tell you, Guardiola has a nasty habit of changing things up regardless of who is in a ‘better moment’.

We’ll find out soon enough who is in Pep’s sights this week.

Not literally, though.

Probably.

Oh just get a room

Those of you who have a thing for Fernando Llorente might have bristled at the suggestion, above, that there is only one striker at Spurs.

But if you don’t believe me, just ask Mauricio Pochettino.

“I find it hard to find the words to describe him. I am in love like the fans are in love, like his team-mates are in love. He is so humble, he keeps all the values that managers like me appreciate a lot. That is why I am in love with him for different reasons. Now my wife is so jealous, and his wife too. No, I think it’s unbelievable. You know, it’s Harry Kane.”

The manager was talking after taking the entire team for a night out the other week, although there will be no prizes for guessing who was asked back home for ‘coffee’.

A journalist wondered which McDonald’s they went to, which elicited this response from the manager.

“No, no, no. When I pay, I pay good. Good restaurant, good food, good wine. Argentine wine, which is the best.”

It’s also the reddest, because an Argentinian’s five a day generally involves five pounds of beef, preferably barbecued.

The wine clearly went to Pochettino’s head, and possibly other areas, when he went all dreamy over Harry.

But there was a serious motive behind the meal.

“It is so important. To know each other better; to speak in a different way. That creates links between them, emotion. And when you must fight in a competition, there’s more of a willingness to help your team-mates and care more for them and care more for the gaffer that pays the restaurant bill! It’s not only about tactics but outside the pitch, too. Putting all the staff, the players and the chairman in a restaurant – that is tactics, too.”

There has been a growing trend to ditch Spurs’ stars recently.

Kane, if his boss ever lets him out of his house, is the only Tottenham player in the top 30 for transfers-in this week, whereas Christian Eriksen, Dele Alli and Ben Davies are all in the top 15 for sales.

Yet Spurs are ticking a lot of statistical boxes this season.

They’re joint-top for attempts (120) and minutes per attempt (4.8), third for chances created (85) and only two sides – Man City and, perhaps surprisingly, Liverpool – have allowed fewer chances than Tottenham’s 42.

Yes, the move to Wembley has had an effect, particularly on Kane, who has scored just two of his nine goals this season at home – and both of those were in the Champions League.

And yes, their schedule is soon to turn tough, with a nasty trio – LIV, mun, ars – awaiting across four matches from Gameweek 9.

But they were unbeaten against top six sides from January onwards last season and were unlucky to lose at home to Chelsea in Gameweek 2 this campaign – they had double the attempts (18) of the visitors and the Blues scored with both of their shots on target.

The love for Spurs might be fading just as Pochettino’s for Harry has grown, but eyeing up new talent when the likes of Eriksen and Alli will face Huddersfield and Bournemouth next might lead to an unhealthy bout of self-loathing.

Do you want fries with these?

After fine dining on Pochettino’s tab, it’s time to hit the late-night burger van for a look at other striking options.

Time will tell whether this is the season to be high end or low rent with our choice of forwards, but a couple of budget buys are at least being talked up.

Joselu’s former Stoke City team-mate Steve Sidwell reckons 5.5 is a steal for the Spaniard.

“If you called up any of the lads from Stoke now, they’d honestly say he was unreal. Left foot, right foot, any kinds of finish in the air. What’s encouraging is, having gone to Newcastle, he is getting in the positions to do it and it’s only a matter of time. If it does click, he will go into double figures.”

The problem is, the thing in double figures for Joselu thus far is attempts (19), while his goals are as single-figure – in other words one – as it gets.

But only four forwards have bettered his tallies for shots and efforts in the box (14), and they’re this season’s big strikers, in both name and price – Kane, Romelu Lukaku, Aguero and Alvaro Morata.

Newcastle boss Rafa Benitez certainly seems happy enough.

“He is winning balls in the air, he is holding the ball, he has good movement, his understanding with the people up front is good, he is going to press and, at the same time, he is there on the end of crosses or whatever. What do you expect from a striker? All these things plus goals, so hopefully he can score goals now.”

Joselu has a fairly decent run of eight matches – LIV, sot, PAL, bur, BOU, mun, WAT, wba – to prove Benitez right and worm his budget way into our squads.

Everton’s Oumar Niasse (5.0) is even cheaper and burst back onto our Fantasy radars with two goals in 35 minutes against Bournemouth last week.

Boss Ronald Koeman was fulsome in his praise.

“Oumar was incredible. The boy has the kind of qualities when we are struggling, with his aggression and his direct play, he can create a lot of problems. For the first goal, he won the ball defensively, he made the one-two and it was a great goal. Nobody can stop him at the moment. He did well and all credit to the player. He came on and it was better for Dominic (Calvert-Lewin) to have somebody around him.”

The Dutchman is clearly a massive fan, and totally unrelated to the Ronald Koeman who denied the forward a locker at Everton’s training ground, tried to flog him to Hull City and then left him out of the Toffees’ Europa League squad.

“He hasn’t surprised me because I know him.”

That’s the sort of familiarity that once bred contempt. But he now surely regrets at least not putting Niasse in his squad for Europe?

“No, because we had to make that decision I think a long time ago. At that time his situation was not the situation of now. In life you don’t get a second chance, and you have to decide.”

Koeman has clearly had to decide to completely forget ever not rating Niasse.

And the fact that he only had to confirm his European squad on September 5 (aka a ‘long time ago’) merely strengthens the notion that the manager’s short-term memory is somewhat selective.

But thanks to Koeman’s previous lack of faith way back in the dim and distant past of 23 days ago, we don’t have to worry about Europa League rotation being an issue for Niasse.

Everton’s initial schedule was gruesome. Now it couldn’t be sweeter if Pochettino turned up with flowers and a bottle of Bodega Noemia ‘Noemia’ 2012 (expect a nose of almonds, Christmas cake, dark cherries and the anguished tears of Harry Kane’s wife).

Niasse doubled Everton’s league goal tally in just over 30 minutes of action last week, winning over a forgetful Koeman as he went. He also scored in the cup win over Sunderland in the Toffees’ previous fixture.

Granted, his place in Koeman’s XI is still far from certain but if he can cement a regular role, that upcoming schedule could trigger an early autumn bandwagon in his audition for our third striker slot.

Which might come in very handy, seeing as there’s a premium midfielder making some noise once again…

Thou shalt goad thy manager

The midfielder in question is called Eden and he put in a biblical performance against Atletico Madrid last night.

Alvaro Morata certainly seems happy with Hazard.

“It is great to play with a player like Eden Hazard. He is one of the best in the world and I am very lucky to play with him.”

The Belgian’s pin-point cross for Morata’s goal in Spain was a thing of beauty, and the pair certainly hit it off, as detailed in our Scout Notes this morning.

But Hazard is already in danger of talking himself out continuing that blossoming relationship.

“You don’t need that (tracking back). You can write that. Don’t tell Conte, but you can write that it’s pointless. If you defend too much, you tire yourself out.”

Am I alone in thinking that telling a Daily Express journalist not to tell Conte anything is pretty pointless when the Italian merely has to pick up a paper and let his eyes do the telling all for themselves?

Hazard just doesn’t seem to care.

“If I’ve spent the whole game defending, forget about me being useful after the 60th minute, and I’m quite fit.”

Getting on Antonio Conte’s bad side is not necessarily a good idea. Just ask Diego Costa.

And that thought seemed to dawn on Hazard fairly sharpish.

“There are people who are meant to defend, while others are there to attack. After that, it’s up to the manager. If that’s what he wants, you need to do it, otherwise you sit on the bench. I defend too. I don’t like it, but I have to with Antonio.”

Conciliatory. Grudging, but conciliatory. And nice use of ‘Antonio’, rather than ‘Conte’ in an attempt to butter him up further.

“I wouldn’t say we’re ‘friends’ because it is difficult to be friends with your manager, so I wouldn’t say that. But we have a good relationship.”

Not as good as Pochettino and Kane have, clearly, but if Hazard can play as boldly as he talks, he’ll be just about undroppable.

The signs were decidedly encouraging in the Champions League, and once Saturday’s uberclash with Man City is out of the way, he’ll have a long run of fixtures that, a visit from Man United and a trip to Liverpool aside, look tailor-made for Hazard to shine.

At 10.5, however, we might have to sacrifice one of those big-ticket strikers we’ve spent all our money on to date.

Unless Conte goes all biblical on Hazard for talking out of turn.

Judging by the Belgian’s advanced central role alongside Morata in Madrid, the Italian has either gone selectively deaf, or he’s just not got round to reading the Express yet.

Henrikh settled and game for anything

Only three players now have more FPL owners than Man United’s Henrikh Mkhitaryan (33.4%).

That’s quite the turnaround for a player who underwhelmed his way to four goals and an assist last season, with a doubtful Jose Mourinho giving him just 1,348 minutes of pitch-time.

He’s been an ever-present in the league this time around, scoring once and providing five assists in just six matches.

“I can say last season I started not good as I had lots of injuries and I didn’t feel good playing games. But this season is different because I started playing well and the connection and understanding with other players, especially Romelu Lukaku, is great and I hope we can score many goals in the coming games.”

As do big chunks of FPL managers, what with Lukaku being owned by 56.4%.

But the Armenian isn’t in danger of going full-Hazard and having a pop at his manager; a man who recently blasted his players for ‘PlayStation football’ because they had the nerve to be 4-0 up at the time.

““He didn’t exactly name names but everyone thinks they have done something bad or made a mistake and we are trying to improve that aspect and stay more focused during the whole game and not be doing fantasy football or, as he said, PlayStation for the last 25 minutes.”

Ever the contrarian, Mourinho doesn’t seem overly bothered about keeping his star striker’s feet on the ground, however.

“I knew that he would always score goals. I knew that he would score more goals for us than for Everton or West Bromwich Albion, that’s logic. But I was not expecting him to be match after match putting the ball in the net.”

Once the potential PlayStation score against Crystal Palace is dealt with, the schedule turns nasty, with Liverpool, Spurs and Chelsea to face in a four-match spell from Gameweek 8.

The mix of Henrikh’s humility and Romelu’s appetite for goals has served United brilliantly so far.

But those fixtures will give us a much clearer idea of how well the pair’s seasons are going to progress.