Insane in the Prem Name, Insane in the Brain

And like a phoenix out of the ashes rises the Fantasy Premier League season campaign 2010/2011. Let us all just pause and take stock…take a breath….it’s back. Well almost.

Now, as you’re all settling down to prepare your squad for the forthcoming season, one little issue often niggles at the back of the mind – what the Dunga’s trousers should I call my team?

Don’t fret, don’t ever fret, I’m here to give you my infinite wisdom on the matter and the do’s and don’ts on the team name front.

There are so many different angles from which to approach this. I suppose the best and simplest way to think about the issue is to divide the Fantasy Football fraternity in two – those people who have witty and clever names and those who quite frankly don’t. It’s maybe the latter half of the room who should pay closest attention from this point on…

Of course if you feel you’ve struck gold already and don’t wish to change it, then I’m chuffed for you. I, however, feel it my obligation to change my team name each year. Whilst I grew hopelessly attached to my previous work of Phonetic Eff See , ultimately I see it as a duty to update again this season. So where to start?

One thing you must consider is the level of risk you are going to take. A friend of mine, for much of the season, got away with the gut-rumblingly funny Graham Rix Under 16s until, a victim of his own success, he reached the very later stages of the cup competition and came under the radar of the overlords of the Fantasy football world. Disapproving emails were sent and he was promptly told in no uncertain terms “Change your name, or you’re out”

Whilst continued futile attempts to change it to Graham Rix Under 15s failed, he was ultimately forced to abandon his name – what happened next? Well he went out the cup. Is this a coincidence? Yes, they are 100% unrelated, but it makes you think…

Settling on something controversial might earn a few laughs but is something of a gamble, particularly if you went for something incredibly offensive and were booted immediately. You have to think to yourself – “Do I really want this name on the work circulars when manager of the month is being announced?”

Another thing to ponder is the topical nature of your name. Whilst you might have been watching the news and bantering about the latest goings on, plucking a team name from it could result in something allegedly hilarious now, but which is cripplingly unfunny or outdated six months down the line. The Raoul Moatdrid effort (which i must admit i’ve been considering) certainly falls into this category. Will it have the same impact in eight months time? Is it even funny in the first place? Would I want my manager at work to think that I had some ill-placed respect for a (now dead) murderer? Vital questions to pose yourself.

If the old saying – “Eyes are a window into the soul” – holds true then surely a new saying “Your Fantasy Football Name is a window into your personality” also carries some weight. It might be best to play safe and the optimum route for this is often a clever play on words, usually incorporating a player or team name. The finest I’ve seen of this ilk was Cesc, Drogs & Rock and Roll. A virtual High five to whoever came up with that little gem.

Mulling over films or TV show titles and throwing in a footballer is a well-trodden path, or maybe attempting a pun on your own name (Cap Doth’d to Sutherns Comfort). Another route is to take an existing football name and mutate it into something witty – Breast Rummage Albion for example. A killer.

So while we’re frantically hitting refresh on the Fantasy Premier League site, I sincerely hope this has given food for thought to those of you who still call yourself Team Andy (hey, it’s Team Goddard, and it’s staying – Andy), Dave’s FPL Team or something equally awful or boring. Think about it. Just consider the million other people who could be looking at your team come the season end as you lift that digital camera aloft your head with a banner behind you reading “Winner of Fantasy Premier League Team Cool”.

Is that something you really want to happen?