Paddy Power Special – 4/1 on Chelsea to Beat Liverpool at the Bridge

The Five Most Annoying FFS Posters

1. The Guy Went Unnecessarily High Expectations

He wants his team to do really well. So much so in fact that he will write out a shopping list of his demands. He will go through many permutations in order to ensure his team will reach the heavenly 100pts he expects. Not sure if he's mentally deranged or just really dumb.

Most likely to say: "Ok, now just need Debuchy to get taken off after the 60th minute so he gets his clean sheet, then Walcott to score a hat trick (all goals assisted by Ozil) and Giroud to get a red card for kicking a pigeon"

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2. The guy who is worried about his H2H after half the games have been played

He's been up all night again, pacing the bedroom and refreshing the Physio Room page. His wife has divorce papers on the dresser. He says he'll get to them after the baps are out. All he can do is look at the equation he's scrawled in blood across the bathroom tiles: "Walcott + 4pts vs Lukaku, Ozil, Giroud"

Most likely to say: "Who will my H2H guys? WHO?!"

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3. The guy who can't make his own decisions, and gets angry when the crowd wisdom of FFS fails him

He's chasing his rival as per usual. He can't believe he took a hit to bring in Zabaleta and now he hasn't played. Why on why did he listen to the People on the Internet? He should be top by now. How can those imbeciles at FFS constantly tell me to make the wrong move? Time to take a -4 to get Zabaleta out.

Most likely to say: "I was going to bring in Colback, but people told me not to. He's scored 10pts today. Last time I listen to you morons."

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4. Guy who is way too into Fantasy games

We're not even talking about elves and orcs here. This is a man who used FPL as a gateway drug. He participates in every competition. He thinks about his beach volleyball H2H when he's having sex. He contacts relatives of players on Twitter to see if their cousin Steven Gerrard is back from injury yet. His Fantasy Bobsleigh Team is no.600 in the world and he's built a great team value that should push him on for a top 50 finish.

Most likely to say: "Is anyone playing the U-19 Euro fantasy game? Who is Denmark's starting keeper now that Jeppe Höjbjerg is out with those stomach cramps? My team is in DISARRAY people!"

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5. Guy with poor English who wants the keys to the world

He's playing from Brazil or Egypt and is delighted to have stumbled across a site where people will give him answers to all his problems. He will post the same dumb questions and RMT over and over again until peoples eyes are bleeding.

Most likely to say: "poeple. is this trnsfr the one?? ozil to mutch for -4. plz answers. also RMT plz. krul mert, baker, terry, hazard, ramsey, yaya, ozil suarez, remy, lukaku. is this win my mini leauge? plz plz PLZ"

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6. Guy with too much time on his hands

He's home for Christmas and making the most of the time away from his girlfriend. He's reading every football site on top of the fantasy ones. He starts at Football365, works his way to whoateallthepies.tv, on to fiso, and FFS, and says hi to the people who know him by his first name in the Total FPL chatango chat box.
He knows that last year's winner is team ID 2122 and will check on him to see how he's doing in comparison. He built his own Excel model to anticipate when/if a player will rise/fall in price by 1.40 GMT (and stays up, just in case). He will read the previous comments pages on FFS if they're moving too slow at that time. His final thought before sleep is who to captain, and in his dreams his team are going to be no. 1 rank for the gameweek.

Most likely to say: "Hey check out this post I made of the most annoying 6 personalities on this site."