Say What?

This week’s Say What? proves that attack really is the best form of defence. Or midfield for that matter.

So we’ve got more strikers than a 1970’s car plant, with Romelu, Harry, Zlatan and Manolo telling us why they’re scoring for fun.

Then again, has anyone ever scored for despair?

There’s also Pep on Sergio and, for the sake of balance, most of the Chelsea midfield and a bit of Brunt at the back.

Bracing For A Purchasing Kunami

The rush to tap into Man City’s double Gameweek has been unseemly, like the very worst elements of Boxing Day and Black Friday rolled into one long fight over a 60-inch plasma TV involving a part-time body builder, two nail technicians and a particularly spiteful granny with murder in her cold, dead eyes.

Sergio Aguero is that TV, and following this week’s FA Cup win over Huddersfield, Pep Guardiola has been busy talking up his man’s Ultra HD qualities, three HDMI inputs and brushed aluminium base.

“It’s the best performance I’ve ever seen from Sergio. He scored two goals and created a lot of chances. When he plays at that level, he’s unstoppable. We are so happy with how he played today. He runs at the right moments, at the right tempo, and when that happens he’s involved in the game.”

Events are threatening to overtake this piece with every word written.

Last night, Aguero was just inside the top ten for transfers-in. By this morning he was fifth. He’s now third and homing in on team-mate Raheem Sterling for second spot.

Four goals and two assists from his last two starts, and a Gameweek 27 to spend tormenting Sunderland and Stoke, are clearly reasons enough for Sergio’s return to our good books.

And his own words also show how keen he is to butter up his boss.

“I only tried to do my best and what the manager asked me to do. Basically I try and help the team and try to make Guardiola happy with my performances.”

Well Pep is pleased. So pleased, in fact, that he’s willing to mention Kun in the same breath as his favourite player out of all those City stars.

“He helps us, his performance was top, so was Claudio’s (Bravo), his performance with his feet helped with our build up-play.”

Yep, in the singular world of Guardiola, being praised alongside a goalkeeper who’s pulled out fewer stops than a one-armed organist is as good as it gets.

Expect Sergio to be closing in on first place for purchases by the time you read this sentence.

Lukaku Playing In, And Out, Of His Skin

Back in boring old single Gameweek mode, the elevation of Everton’s Romelu Lukaku to top points scorer among strikers has passed with barely a comment.

Aside, that is, from the man himself.

“I’m working hard, I run more. I’ve got more consistency and the manager wants me to do more on the pitch as well. For me it’s been good because it’s been a nice journey and I’m learning a lot. I feel much better in my skin the way we’re playing now.”

Everton are certainly playing well. They’re unbeaten in nine and with 21 goals scored, eight of which have come from Lukaku.

The Belgian is joint-top scorer in the league now, with 17, and needs just two more to make it his best-ever Premier League season.

Those keeping pace with him – Harry Kane and Alexis Sanchez – have had the added benefit of taking penalties to bolster their totals, so it’s perhaps not surprising how confident Lukaku is at the moment.

“I’m a player that can do a lot of stuff. In modern football managers don’t only want their strikers to attack, they want their strikers to defend and put pressure on opponents. With my pace, if I can put pressure on a defender to make a mistake it can be to my benefit too. I have the physicality, the drive and the winning mentality as well so for me it’s no problem.”

That mentality will be pushed a lot harder this Sunday with a tricky trip to Spurs.

But after that, there are home matches with West Brom – one of just four Gameweek 28 fixtures – and Hull to further boost the ownership of a player who has picked up more than half a million new managers since Gameweek 21.

Not that any of this is going to the big man’s head, which he claims is devoid of any thoughts regarding the Golden Boot.

“I don’t like to look at what other players are doing. That’s what cost me the Golden Boot last year so for me it’s just a game I want to win. It’s about winning games and scoring as many goals as possible.”

Ignoring the abject obviousness of his last observation, there’s another factor to consider with Everton – their run-in.

Of the nine matches they’ll play from Gameweek 30, four of them involve Liverpool, Man United, Arsenal and Chelsea, with only the latter match at home.

With fixtures like those, form – and a lot of the Lukaku love – could still go out of the window.

Top Hat(Trick) And Kane

And talking of form, Harry Kane’s 20-point bonanza against Stoke last week has helped reverse a recent trend to ditch the striker in light of the upcoming Gameweek 28 blank.

When you factor in fixtures as well – Spurs have arguably the best run-in of all the major players – you’re looking at a Kane that could punish you for going without him.

“The Golden Boot is up there in my house and it would be brilliant to retain that. I’d like another one. I feel fresh and sharp and in good shape. The injury earlier in the season might have done me a bit of good, getting me a bit more rest.”

Kane is certainly a long way from the tired taker of some of England’s worst corners since the Romans turned up and started building roads.

His boss, Mauricio Pochettino, is equally straight about his forward’s prowess.

“He’s one of the top strikers in the world and I think he deserves it because he’s a great professional and top man. I’m happy for him. It doesn’t surprise me, because I’ve told you many times that for me he’s one of the best strikers in the world.”

Forget the world, with only Arsenal and Man United (both at home) of the top teams left to play, Kane is looking like a good shout to be Fantasy Premier League’s top gun once again.

A Brief Zlatan Diversion

If Kane is Top Gun, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is Out Of Africa.

Yep, Zlatan is back on the comparison trail once again, and he’s reverted to beast mode for good measure.

“I feel in good shape. I train hard. People who know me from the locker room know that I train very hard. I feel like an animal. I feel like a lion.”

There’s been plenty of king of the jungle stuff from Ibrahimovic of late, but it’s all come away from the league. In fact, Zlatan has scored just once in his last four FPL starts.

If we ignore a Gameweek 28 blank, however, United’s next five opponents (Bournemouth, Middlesbrough, West Brom, Everton and Sunderland) should give Zlatan The Lion plenty of chance to come roaring back and be a main event in which we can all take pride.

Apologies.

Moving on…

Manolo Of The Moment

…to Southampton’s Manolo Gabbiadini.

The January signing from Napoli has made a huge first impression on us all. Five goals in just three starts has sparked a Fantasy feeding frenzy – he’s gone from zero to 6.2% ownership in three weeks – despite the Saints missing out on Gameweek 26 and 28 action.

If Zlatan’s self-confidence is reminiscent of Eric Cantona at his most pompous, then the new Saints striker is getting in on the act by channelling the Frenchman’s poetic sensibilities.

Heaven, earth and everything in between is currently spewing from the Italian’s mouth.

“Football really is like the open sea.”

Yep, it’s full of sharks, unhealthy slicks of imported oil and certain things floating past you that make you question why you ever jumped in in the first place.

“There are moments of calm, but suddenly you can be hit by a storm and you can’t ever relax.”

With Charlie Austin and Shane Long for competition, I think you can, actually.

“Five goals in three games is an amazing start. But it won’t always be this way. It has been beautiful, but I need to keep my feet on the ground. Football is strange, you’re flying and then suddenly you crash back down to earth.”

A Gameweek 29 trip to Spurs could be the site of that first crash, although Bournemouth, Palace and West Brom to follow offer the potential for further sky-high returns.

But Southampton have a run-in that could prove to be the cruellest of seas for Gabbiadini. Among their last eight fixtures are home matches with both Manchester sides and Arsenal and away days at Chelsea and Liverpool.

Let’s hope that all those managers who’ve invested in Gabbiadini are waving, not drowning, by season’s end.

Because the long-term forecast is for choppy waters ahead.

Chelsea’s Magic Middle

Who needs strikers when you’ve got midfielders like Chelsea’s?

Okay, so Diego Costa’s not exactly had a bad season, but Eden Hazard and Pedro, in particular, have been serving up consistent returns for a while now.

But just when you thought it was safe to rely on Antonio Conte’s selection strategy, he threw us all a major curveball last week.

Fresh from comparing Cesc Fabregas to Andrea Pirlo, Conte went and started him against Swansea and the Spaniard responded with a goal, an assist, the maximum bonus and 13 points.

A massive 1.9% of FPL managers jumped for joy. Fabregas is too wise for such fripperies.

“I can understand there are doubts with the philosophy of the manager. I think he came in, wanted to see if I could adapt and I can understand that. But it shows I adapted to the way he wants to play and hopefully I can play more. Experience and maturity gives you this because in the beginning when I didn’t play, I told people not even to speak to me because I was really upset. That changes with time. Age, maturity and experience helps you understand the most important thing is always the team.”

Conte explained that giving Fabregas his first start since Gameweek 19 was simply horses for courses.

“Swansea play very, very compact. Probably in this game it was difficult to find the space to play between the lines. Against Swansea I decided to start with Cesc, but don’t forget Matic is playing a fantastic championship, Kante the same.”

So the second coming of Cesc could still be a one-match wonder.

“Cesc played a really good game, but it’s important for me to have these solutions and also to analyse the games, game by game, to understand when we need to have a player with more quality (on the ball), and to lose something in height (and physique).”

Pedro, on the other hand, looks a far safer bet based on his manager’s latest eulogy.

“He’s playing very well with and without the ball. I think that now he’s deserving to play, and to score the goal is fantastic for him and, above all, for the team. I hope he continues in this way with this commitment, but Pedro has always had this quality. Now the formation is exploiting his characteristics still better than before. He’s a great player in the same way as Willian or Hazard or Costa.”

As for Hazard, he’s just happy toeing the party line.

“For me it is the same if I score, don’t score or assist. Even if I don’t make an assist or score goals – if I play a good game and we win, I will be the first man happy on the pitch.”

All well and good for him, but 10.3 worth of midfield talent not producing the points doesn’t make his 32.4% ownership base quite so happy.

Hazard has started every match since Gameweek 17, Pedro six of the last seven. The Belgian has two goals and four assists from his spell, the Spaniard three goals and an assist from four fewer matches.

At 3.2 cheaper and with a quarter of Hazard’s owners, Pedro looks the smarter buy at the moment.

West Brom Quite Interesting Shocker

Finally, on to West Brom’s defence and a Baggies striker that, let’s face it, is almost the same as talking about defenders.

Only seven teams have scored more than West Brom’s 36 goals this season, which is quite bewildering when centre-half Gareth McAuley is the team’s second-top scorer.

His winner against Bournemouth last week was a sixth strike of the campaign, although the nature of it – from a set-piece – was pure Pulis, as Chris Brunt explained.

“We work hard on it (set-plays) and the lads we’ve got want to go and score goals. I think it’s more important we’re getting goals from the other areas of the team as well and from open play.”

McAuley’s goal was the 17th from dead-ball situations for the Baggies – a league high, although that fact seems to have passed Brunt by.

“Last year, I think we got a bit reliant on the set plays. At one stage, that was probably the only way we looked like scoring a goal. It’s nice we’ve got other threats as well.”

One of those ‘other threats’ is not striker Salomon Rondon, however.

The Venezuelan has just one more goal than McAuley, but none in 11 – a matter of major concern to his 6.9% ownership base.

Brunt’s reading of that sorry state reveals a mastery of the blindingly obvious.

“As a striker, I’m sure he’d like to score a bit more.”

Nice one, Chris. Tell me, will I regret it if I drink this liquid marked ‘Poison, do not drink’? And why exactly is it so wrong of me to put a bet on Arsenal making it to the Champions League quarter-finals again?

At least Tony Pulis isn’t about to sink to such low levels of analysis.

“I thought he was fantastic apart from putting the ball in the back of the net.”

Maybe not.

But in mitigation, he has a healthy slice of self-awareness to sweeten the pill.

“It’s a team that can score goals which is the first time we can say that for a long time.”

And in McAuley (39 points) and Brunt (26) from their last five starts, we’ve got two West Brom assets well worth considering – particularly as they are among those rarest of beasts who have a match in Gameweek 28.