This Much We Know – Gameweek 3

Goals, rotations, bookings and dismissals continue to rain down – all in the early Saturday kick-off at the Vitality Stadium – before the weekend concluded with Wenger’s old bangers being sent home in disgrace by Klopp’s wacky racers. But in amongst the pain and pleasure of headline acts, some less conspicuous numbers are also worth following.

Poker-face Pep continues to perplex…

Gabriel Jesus and Kevin De Bruyne have each shed around a quarter of their owners since Gameweek 1 as pre-season form and optimism dissipated quicker than an Arsene Wenger rearguard.

The dark spectre of rotation loomed large at 11.15am on Saturday morning, amidst rumours that our frustrations were mirrored by those of Pep Guardiola, with Jesus and de Bruyne thought to be first in the firing line. By around 2.30pm, even those of us whose obstinacy had allowed us to profit from Jesus’s nine-point haul had seen enough, whilst Mike Dean’s broken watch merely allowed additional time for De Bruyne’s owners to be subjected to further ‘deeper’ puns.

Only David Silva – with a precious pair of assists – can be found vaguely near the top of the FPL points lists and the exodus of City’s assets has already started as thousands trade in blue for red.  Manchester City have finished as the league’s top scorers in three out of the last four seasons, but until an alpha male emerges from their pack our teams may be (and our blood pressure certainly will be) better off without a Sky Blue asset.

We should thank Liverpool for the eggs…

The task of choosing a Liverpool attacker is currently far more gratifying a dilemma than Guardiola’s rotational minefield. Having transferred out Mohammed Salah for Christian Eriksen, prior to the weekend’s fixtures, it was galling for me to read those sagacious souls who had held firm bemoaning their lack of bonus and having to settle for a mere 11 points.

Liverpool, though, with eight goals and a table topping 39 attempts in the box (compared to Swansea City’s basement 11) look the real deal. Salah and Sadio Mane, unsurprisingly, have had the most attempts in the box of any midfielders, with the former’s 11 nearly double that of Fantasy darling Dele Alli’s six. All this despite Champions League rotation; a reality which may slightly stifle our enthusiasm.

Surely, though, with price, form and sound fixtures in his favour, Roberto Firmino is now the go-to striker? Whether we are willing to put three of our eggs in the Anfield attacking basket is another matter, but a minimum of two forward players would seem prudent, if not almost essential, on current form.

Admittedly, their next test is away to a Manchester City side who have conceded the fewest shots in the box, but watching Vincent Kompany and Nicholas Otamendi doing their best Bambi on ice impressions against Bournemouth on Saturday does little to convince me that they can keep the rampant Reds at bay.

Discount defence allows affluence in attack…

Huddersfield Town’s rash of shut-outs has not gone unnoticed, but perhaps more surprising is that fellow promoted sides Newcastle and Brighton only sit behind Liverpool and the two Manchester clubs for fewest shots in the box conceded.

Pre-season draft team darling Lewis Dunk finds himself in barely 1% of FPL teams, despite recording more shots in the box (five) than any other defender. Last season, Dunk managed an attempt every 98.5 minutes, whereas this figure is down to every 54 minutes in the top flight and, with West Brom, Bournemouth and Newcastle in the next three, it may only be a matter of time before we are subjected to abysmal slam-dunk puns.

In front of budget keeper favourite Rob Elliot, it also remains to be seen whether Chancel Mbemba’s compelling performance at the weekend will be rewarded with permanence of starts. However, Ciaran Clark, at just 0.5 more, appears to offer greater security, even if we may have already missed his goal this season.

A wing-back and a prayer…

Despite being on the back foot for much of the match against Manchester City, Bournemouth’s own wing-backs piqued our interest on Saturday, as back four stalwart Eddie Howe finally fell in line, so to speak. Adam Smith created one chance and had one shot of his own inside the box, while Charlie Daniels didn’t even bother venturing inside the area for his wonder strike.

Similarly, Swansea’s move to a back five against a shockingly poor Crystal Palace brought immediate rewards with a clean sheet and, for Kyle Naughton, an assist and maximum bonus. Last season, he created 23 chances (just one fewer than Marcus Alonso) and, with just one of last season’s top half teams (Spurs) to play in the next six, 25,000 FPL managers have already been charmed by the Swans’ wing-back.

Sorry Sanchez epitomises Arsenal woe…

Like Smith, Alexis Sanchez managed to muster one shot and one chance created in the pitiful collapse to Liverpool.

Sanchez, though, sets us back £7 million more than the Bournemouth defender and does not look a happy Gooner as the transfer deadline looms. Arsenal managed a grand total of zero shots on target against a Liverpool defence which is usually far more generous than that of their North London opponents.

After such an abject performance by a (purportedly) top side, we might experience a bounce back against Bournemouth, but are we willing to risk investment?

The doubts are a travesty given the fixture swing in Arsenal’s favour. Ordinarily, this would be a time to embrace Wenger’s charges, but in light of Sunday’s pitiful performance, only the brave will surely venture to invest in Sanchez and his “team-mates”.

The best of times; the worst of times…

Averaging almost a goal per game last season, Harry Kane retained his Golden Boot. This year, his statistics are up in nearly every category except for the most significant one: goals.

We all know that the flood must surely –will definitely – come, but the question for his exasperated owners is just how long that dam will hold.

I’m a magnanimous sort of chap, disposed to handing out an endless series of “one last” chances, but a large part of that may stem from my stubborn refusal to acknowledge that my initial gamble has failed and that my ongoing faith in the Spurs idol is simply chucking good money after bad.

But all Kane needs to do is smash in four goals against Everton and my loyalty is vindicated. Or maybe five against Swansea, if he blanks at Goodison? Six at West Ham might be pushing it, but isn’t out of the question, is it?

My epiphany is a painful one, but I realise now that my addiction must be tempered and that I have to kick the Kane habit. Going cold turkey, however, could be hell.

Two for the price of one…

While I’m in the mood for firing high priced, potentially Golden Boot-winning strikers, Romelu Lukaku has the misfortune to fall within my Alan Sugaresque cross-hairs.

His sin is to have “only” returned that goal a game ratio which my beloved Kane managed in his most prolific season, comprising a miserly 38 points as my captain in the first two Gameweeks. Had he the imagination to vary his predictable penalty placement (nearly two thirds of his previous spot kicks have been angled towards the goalkeeper’s right) it could so easily have been four goals in three games.

Instead, I find myself curiously unsatisfied and coveting Lukaku’s teammate, Paul Pogba (who may also usurp the Belgium’s place as United’s principle penalty taker), to potentially complete my Manchester United box set alongside Henrik Mkhitaryan and David de Gea or Phil Jones.

Pogba and Firmino for example, would come in at £16.8m with 26 points, two goals and two assists each already. By comparison, Lukaku’s £11.7m premium price tag barely left me enough change to pick up Christian Atsu, much as I appreciated his scrappy assist against the Hammers.

All I would need is a viable captaincy alternative – a big name striker perhaps with a proven pedigree, prodigious underlying statistics, who takes penalties and who has fantastic fixtures ahead. Too soon to call Kane back and tell him that I’ve had a rethink?