Six Premier League matches, not a single clean sheet. Can someone at the FPL approve a 1-7-3 formation?

We went into Saturday’s matches with United facing West Brom at fortress Old Trafford, Arsenal up against a Birmingham side low on confidence and without Cameron Jerome, Newcastle hosting a goal-shy Wigan. It didn’t look too much to ask to expect at least one clean sheet from that lot.

Instead investors in Patrice Evra, Nemanja Vidic, Tim Krul, and the one-week budget offer that is Johan Djourou, were left empty handed. Arsenal’s fragility was again exposed, this time by the towering Nikola Zigic, Van der Sar uncharacteristially blundered two points against Di Matteo’s refreshingly cavalier Baggies, and Newcastle were undone by a proper Charile N’Zogbia performance.

As this is typed the league’s best defence is largely unoccupied, while Chelsea’s midfield dominate the second period at Villa Park. Perhaps Carlo Ancelotti’s side will once again be the Fantasy Manager’s saving grace?

Then we have Man City to come on Sunday as they hop on the bus to Blackpool. They can expect waves of attack at the seaside; the word “cagey” doesn’t exist in the Blackpool vocabularly and I can’t see Holloway involving himself in a game of chess with the cultured Roberto Mancini. City won’t have it easy then, but maybe they can join Chelsea as the two continue to run away with the clean sheet count.

Aside from that pair of defensive dependables, Fantasy Managers are left scratching for returns at the back. The trend towards mid-price or cheap defensive options who can offer the threat of attacking points – Seamus Coleman of Everton, Elmohamady of Sunderland, Chris Samba of Blackburn and perhaps Gary Cahill of Bolton, is surely set to continue.

Can anyone really back the Arsenal defence until Thomas Vermaelen returns from injury? Do we expect Untied to travel to Stoke or indeed, to host Spurs the Gameweek after, and keep them at bay? Not even the mid-price defences, who have provided a modicum of efficiency in previous seasons – Aston Villa, Stoke, Birmingham, Fulham – seem to provide any real potential that can be relied on.

Find me a defender out of position or at least one who can offer a real threat from set-plays. After today’s heavy load of dirty laundry, I’m beginning to give up on the hunt for clean sheets.