Pundits Playoff Community Tournament Battle Recommenced

After a break to hear from our sponsors and refresh squads, it was back to business for Period 2 of the Pundits Play-off Community Tournament. The atmosphere was ‘thick and fast’ in Matchweek 5 as the form book went out of the window, and some Managers were left regretting their benching decisions.

No such worries for Pirlo’s Pen; however, as he cast aside any concerns about the Manager of the Month curse and, having targeted A Whole Lawro B*llocks for special measures, duly guided Unbelievable Jeff FC to a 15-0 rout. Could this be the year that Chris Kamara finally swaps Pantomime for the Christmas No. 1 spot? As the man himself said ‘It’s so daft it’s almost stupid’.

The drama continued with The Keane 15’s call to war finally being stalled by the dashing blades from “15” Musketeers. Despite cleaning up in the H2Hs, Keano’s lower order had no answer to the swordplay of the Gallic dark horses, and the final scoreline was 800—783, which translates into a 9-6 loss.

When the recriminations start they might look back on their selection decisions; as could Brazil Nuts, who comfortably outscored Nirvana Scott Talent, but left their winning margin on the bench and so slumped to a 12-3 loss (812-807). Congratulations to Nirvana Scott Talent who, after spending most of Period 1 in the dance-off, finally hit the golden buzzer. Sadly, it’s a golden shower for Brazil Nuts.

The unfeasibly well-endowed Holly’s Hamsters continued their Viagra-like rise up the rankings with an emphatic 13-2 victory over WhenTheOwenGetsTough who, after a fast start, are now heading in the wrong direction. There was also plenty of blame to go around for the slumping Blame it on Rio squad, who were unable to match the energy of BSC Small Boys (in the park) FC and fell to a crushing 14-1 loss, their third in a row.

Back to Square Owen also lost their third successive match in a 15-0 whitewash by Slaven’s Ball-itch, who were all over them like a rash. As Michael himself could be heard lamenting ‘When they don’t score they hardly ever win.’

Slaven’s Ball-itch deserve extra credit for being the top scorers in Matchweek 5. Top chops for the highest individual score goes to PKWrona (Unbelievable Jeff FC) who score 83, with honourable mentions going to samjadam (Slaven’s Ball-itch) and CAPTAIN KAKAROTO (Blame it on Rio), who both scored 82.

So, its a scratch team that are setting the early pace in Period 2, but the usual suspects are hot on their heels.

Turning to Matchweek 6, this is what we have to look forward to:

  • Unbelievable Jeff FC vs WhenTheOwenGetsTough
  • Slaven’s Ball-itch vs Holly’s Hamsters
  • Blame it on Rio vs A Whole Lawro B*llocks
  • Brazil Nuts vs Back to Square Owen
  • “15” Musketeers vs BSC Small Boys (in the park) FC
  • The Keane 15 vs Nirvana Scott Talent

For those of you who have yet to master the scoring system, a reminder is available in this article.


Scoring on match days will be shown here.

Does Nirvana Scott Talent have what it takes to stop The Keane 15 getting back on track? Can “15” Musketeers take care of BSC Small Boys in the park? Can Unbelievable Jeff FC keep up their unbelievable form? And who will win the battle between Brazil Nuts/Back to Square Owen and Blame it on Rio/A Whole Lawro B*llocks for the last game on Match of the Day? Or as Lawro might say ‘A good advert for the cricket season’.

All will be revealed soon. As Andy Townsend once sagely opined ‘I think one of these teams can win this.’

37 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Rotation's Alter Ego
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • Has Moderation Rights
    • 8 Years
    14 days, 21 hours ago

    Top stuff Lord, thank you for doing this update for us.

    Hope the Hamsters are quaking in their boots 😉

    1. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 4 Years
      14 days, 21 hours ago

      The Well Hung Hamsters are back in training after a few days off. Although I have to admit that itchy balls have caused us problems before....GL 😉

      1. The Fantastic Mr Fox
        • Fantasy Football Scout Member
        • 5 Years
        13 days, 3 hours ago

        Good luck, Mr. Boris

  2. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    14 days, 21 hours ago

    Cheers Lord, cracking write up

  3. KIRA
    • 1 Year
    14 days, 15 hours ago

    Cheers Boris
    Now our 15 Musketeers have proven that no team can stay unbeaten

    1. KIRA
      • 1 Year
      14 days, 15 hours ago

      Thx to all of my team

  4. Lord - Blaming it on Rio
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    13 days, 16 hours ago

    Hello darkness my old friend …

    Yes, it’s another Black Friday for the BIOR Squad as deft moves in the transfer market failed to make up for a lack of Vardy. Rio is now booked in for double shifts of auto-flagellation in Madame Torquemada’s House of Pain – Tammy Abraham was heard testing the equipment in Valencia on Wednesday night.

    It all looked so promising at the London Stadium, when Jose’s assets gave us an early rise; but a post-prandial snooze, followed by a VAR-inspired late-afternoon droop, allowed those pesky Young Boys to slimpse right past us; and by Sunday night the rogerifaction was complete.

    The GW14 match-up promises to be a more elderly game as Lawro’s hirsute clones seek to recapture past glory. Leaving no stone unturned, Geevious hired some nice people from Leeds to cast an eye over their training facilities. In the ice bath, two of the younger Lawro clones were tinkering with their multi-ball system; while, in the Physio Room, Dr Lawro was shaving armpits as part of his VAR countermeasures initiative. Next door, Lawro Senior was still preoccupied with buffing his ‘Best Grav’ trophy.

    With Scouting reports proving inconclusive, and analysis of the BIOR form book leading Geevious to conclude that what he really needed was a bigger bench, it was time for desperate measures. A little cloning of our own to send out 13 Captain KAKAROTOs should do the trick, but there were gremlins in the software and they all came out looking like Dele Alli’s brother.

    Maybe we should just get more Vardy.

    1. tets mcgee (BSC Small boys-…
      • 4 Years
      13 days, 15 hours ago


    2. Geevious (I blame Rio!)
      • 8 Years
      13 days, 11 hours ago

      Oh no, not Dele Alli's brother!

    3. Skull And Gnomes 9 SCOTT TA…
      • 2 Years
      12 days, 16 hours ago

      I've come to talk to you again
      Turn the Fruiting Light On!

    4. Greyhead
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 1 Year
      12 days, 57 mins ago

      Lord - I salute you! Great write up. Although your spies are misinformed it wasn’t just the armpits that were being shaved by Dr Lawro. He misheard the skipper when he said we should be more Brazilian in our play.

  5. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    13 days, 2 hours ago

    Here's the link for live scores, team line ups to be revealed in about 45 mins. GL all!

  6. Suarezista
    • 5 Years
    12 days, 22 hours ago

    Differentials for BSC Small Boys (in the park) FC vs "15" musketeers:

    Small Boys:
    Vardy *5
    Jimenez *3
    Kane *2
    Ings *2

    Maddison *2
    Tielemans *2
    D Silva

    Tomori *4

    Pope *2

    Jesus *2
    Rashford *2
    Conolly *2

    KDB *4
    Martial *4
    Sterling *3

    Chillwell *3
    Soyuncu *3

    Gazzaniga *3

    KDB & Sterling give the musketeers the advantage

  7. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    12 days, 15 hours ago

    Holly's well hung Hamsters
    +8 points with 3xMaddison, 3xPereira, 2xVardy, 2xSoy, Stephens, Williams and Baldock (a total of 13 differentials)

    Slaven's Ball-itch
    4xRashford, 2xMartial, 2xChillwell, 2xCantwell, Jiminez, Lundstram, Jota, Tielemens, Henderson and Mousset (a total of 16 differentials)

    H2H's in the balance 3-3, but could go either way. Very close match so far.

  8. Jarvish Scott Talent
    • 4 Years
    12 days, 14 hours ago

    Nirvana Scott Talent v Keane 15

    Current position by my calculations after autosubs, cancelling-outs, etc.

    NST: Cantwell, Lacazette; Doherty; Soy x 2, Tielemans x 2; McGinn
    K15: 18 points + Patricio, Donkey, Moutinho, Henderson, Lundstram x 4, Mousset x 2; Chilwell; Martial x 2, Rashford

    3pt H2H = NST: Jimmy; Tielemans. K15 = 7pts + Lundstram
    2pt H2H = NST: Soy, Vardy, Jimmy. K15 = 6pts + Lundstram; Tielemans; Martial, Rashford
    1pt H2H: NST: Soy. K15 = Chilwell

    1. Sreeraj (The Keane F15Teen)
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 3 Years
      11 days, 8 hours ago

      Well played! Got real close in the end!

      1. Jarvish Scott Talent
        • 4 Years
        10 days, 23 hours ago

        Congrats 🙂

  9. Narcos
    • 6 Years
    12 days, 7 hours ago

    The Jeffs have a 66 point lead. Will be a big day for us to catch up that lead. Well played Jeffs. Tourney is getting tough.

    1. Morph - UJFC
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 3 Years
      11 days, 2 hours ago

      Auba destroyed us 🙁

  10. Rude Reviewer
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 9 Years
    11 days, 4 hours ago

    On 2nd day of the Gameweek,
    Tough Owen unleashed that AubaKraken on Unbelievable Jeff....
    Isn't that Unbelievable Jeff???

  11. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    11 days, 53 mins ago

    Reports that the Hamsters beat Itchy-balls FC by a single point are soon to be confirmed :O

  12. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    10 days, 23 hours ago


    Scores have been updated and are being reviewed by the Team Managers. Atm the results are as follows:
    Unbelievable Jeff FC 679 - 799 WhenTheOWENgetsTough
    Slaven's Ball-itch 685 - 686 Holly's Hamsters
    Blame it on Rio 614 - 586 A Whole Lawro B*llocks
    Brazil Nuts 581 - 676 Back to Square Owen
    "15" Musketeers 693 - 700 BSC Small Boys (in the park) FC
    The Keane Fifteen 680 - 646 Nirvana Scott Talent

    The upshot of these results is the the BSC Small Boys (in the park) FC are current league leaders in period 2! (Well done chaps)

    The next match week starts tomorrow evening, so team managers will have until 17:30 Tuesday to submit their line-ups.

    1. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 4 Years
      10 days, 23 hours ago

      *Correction. Unbelievable Jeff FC 679 - 734 WhenTheOWENgetsTough

      1. Jubilanus / BSC Small Boys …
        • Fantasy Football Scout Member
        • 9 Years
        10 days, 23 hours ago

        I was going to say 799 is a huge score!

        1. Lord - Blaming it on Rio
          • Fantasy Football Scout Member
          • 4 Years
          10 days, 22 hours ago

          Size does matter to those Hamsters.

    2. The Fantastic Mr Fox
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 5 Years
      10 days, 15 mins ago

      1 point loss is agonizing 😀

      Congrats, Boris and Co.

  13. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    10 days, 21 hours ago

    Matchweek 7 fixtures are....

    WhenTheOWENgetsTough vs Slaven's Ball-itch
    Unbelievable Jeff FC vs Blame it on Rio
    Holly's Hamsters vs Brazil Nuts
    A Whole Lawro B*llocks vs "15" Musketeers
    Back to Square Owen vs The Keane Fifteen
    BSC Small Boys (in the park) FC vs Nirvana Scott Talent

    Finally the Hamsters will get some nuts to chew on!

  14. Lord - Blaming it on Rio
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 4 Years
    9 days, 22 hours ago

    Spirits are high within the BIOR squad on the back of a bumbling victory over Lawros Boys. We might not have overtaxed the scoreboard, but the hot water is restored in the showers and the soft loo paper is back. After 48 hours without pain, the colour is even starting to return to Rio’s cheeks, and while the limp could be permanent, we think he got that on his wedding night.

    Next up is Unbelievable Jeff FC, who are still smarting after being Aubameyanged in GW14. In the Away end at UJFC Towers, the BIOR Ultras are sniffing another upset (or is it CK’s armpits), and it’s the most fun they’ve had on a school night for quite a while. I think they we know what to do when it stops, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

    Hopes of keeping the BIOR selection meeting under wraps were doomed to failure. Even with our enhanced electronic counter-measures, with decisions transmitted in code over the Dark Web, Sky’s ‘access all areas’ deal meant that Jeff and the Soccer Saturday team have had three whole days to laugh at our transfer plans. But we’re not worried; all we need to do is copy Pirlo’s Pen’s pre-match analysis of our squad and it’ll be green arrows all round.

    Amid this turmoil, rumours persist that Pirlo’s Pen isn’t a real manager, and that it’s really his alter ego, Jeff Stelling, who’s pulling the strings. I’m just saying, but you never see them both in the same place. We need the original footage of that Boris interview.

    There are also problems in the creche, where cameras spotted Chris Kamara bouncing around in the Tigger pyjamas he lifted from the Club Shop, whilst attempting to interview the Tooth Fairy for Sky Sports. Someone needs to tell him that this week’s fixtures are being televised by Amazon Prime.


    1. The Overthinker - I blame R…
      • 3 Years
      9 days, 19 hours ago

      When BIOR's bus arrived at the stadium, the ultra's were already in full voice . The chants like ,
      "His name is Rio and his team is first class
      Don't take the match away from him he'll kick your f**kin a$s"

      Sky reports that this match can have more travelling fans than the home fans.

  15. Suarezista
    • 5 Years
    9 days, 16 hours ago

    BSC Small Boys (in the park) FC vs Nirvana Scott Talented:

    Small Boys:

    Pope *2, Henderson, Guaita
    TAA *2, Tomori, Pereira, Chilwell
    Sterling*2, Son*2, Maddison*2, KDB, D Silva, Alli, JWP
    Vardy*2, Ings*2, Mousset*2, Jimenez, Lacazette

    Nirvana Scott Talented:

    Ryan*3, Gazzaniga
    Robertson, VVD, Cancelo, Mendy, Kelly
    Mane*3, Salah*2, Zaha*2, Tielemans, Perez, Willian, McGinn
    Jesus*2, Abraham, Pukki, Firmino, Kane, Connolly

    Nirvana Scott get 2 Martials if Cancelo & Mendy don't come on.

    Nirvana Scott have 4 Abrahams and Small Boys have 3. So if he doesn't play, will need new calculations.

    1. Suarezista
      • 5 Years
      9 days, 16 hours ago

      Ok somehow Talent auto-corrected to talented. Sorry NST 🙂

      1. Skull And Gnomes 9 SCOTT TA…
        • 2 Years
        9 days, 8 hours ago

        We were due to thump someone soon enough, so sorry it had to be small boys.

        If it's any consolation, we have reported ourselves to the NSPCC, and handed in all our rainbow coloured Unicorns.

        We will not however surrender any of our PomPoms or St Trinian Outfits.

        Regards Scott Talent.

  16. Jarvish Scott Talent
    • 4 Years
    8 days, 12 hours ago

    Nirvana Scott Talent v BSC Small Boys

    Current situation by my calculations after autosubs, cancelling-outs etc

    NST: 26 points + Willems, Hayden; Ryan x 3
    BSCSB: Henderson, Lundstram, O'Connell, Mousset x 2; Lacazette

    3pt H2H: NST win
    2pt H2H: NST = 6pts + Henderson, Willems. BSCSB = Connolly
    1pt H2H: NST = Lacazette. BSCSB = 2pts + Mousset.

    Still could be interesting!

  17. speedyboyz - Brazil Nuts
    • 3 Years
    8 days, 4 hours ago

    Nuts vs Hamsters
    9 pointer
    Hams - 2 Laca, Ryan, Enda Stevens, Mousset
    Nuts - 6 + 2 Auba, 2 Hendo, Guendouzi, Lundstram
    H2H A -
    Hams - 5 + Hendo, Laca
    Nuts - 2 Auba
    H2H B - Nuts win(unless Laca red card)
    H2H C -
    Hams - Laca
    Nuts - 11 + Hendo

    1. Boris Bodega: Holly's …
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 4 Years
      8 days, 3 hours ago

      Looking like a well earned win for your chaps, only a Lacazette haul can save us. Good game guys 🙂

      1. speedyboyz - Brazil Nuts
        • 3 Years
        7 days, 14 hours ago

        754-752 in the end?
        Fantastic game 🙂
        Guendouzi - Rico autosub and Laca missing out on 3 bonus by 1 bap won it for us. 😆
        Great game in the end, hard luck Hamsters