Strikers Keepers Losers Weepers — They think it’s all over

It’s done. We can dream about West Ham reprising their performance at the Emirates, or reminisce about the final-day dramas at the Etihad served up by QPR and Villa in the past, and who knows if City’s book-keeping will be an issue down the line, but no one expects the drama on Sunday to match the last 10 minutes at an eerily quiet Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. The roof did come off at Old Trafford, but Bruno was back to fix the leaks in the midweek match. In other news, Villa booked their berth on the beach, which augurs well for those favouring Olise for the traditional GW38 punty-haul slot.

In the FPL world the focus was on unleashing the Bench Boost chip for the final double of the season, and very nice it was too, but I hope participants in the SKLW Cup remembered that while their bench scores don’t count in the tournament, the hits taken to fill the bench do. Bench fiddlers also needed to restrain their primal urges; just imagine having Reguilon’s two-pointer in your First XI, while Gvardiol’s 27 points are left to rot on the bench.

With the SKLW League action long since concluded, the focus in recent weeks has been on the Cup tournaments. The top four in each League qualified for the Champions League, and for Sheikh, Blatter and Raul it was an opportunity to match the League and Cup double achieved by Bayan Bafana in 2022/23. Those who finished 5^th-8^th were given a chance to shine in the Greyhead Cup; and for the remainder, the Differential Cup offered a final shot at redemption. Each competition consisted of three knock-out rounds over two legs, with a one-match Final in Gameweek 37. Here’s how it all unfolded.

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

Following on from their triumph in the Championship, Cash Bandicoot maintained a hunger that augurs well for next season’s Premiership campaign. They cashed in against League 1 underdogs Gentleman’s Grealish in the last 16; edged past Premiership opponents, Netflix and Chiwell, in the Quarters, thanks to the power of their bench; and then repeated the trick in their Semifinal match-up against League 1 Champions, Keane 16. They can expect a wakeup call in the Final from Onanas in Pyjama, who started their Cup campaign by bringing Flying Dutchman down to earth, and then dispatching the reigning Premiership Champions, Sheikh, Blatter and Raul, in the Quarterfinals. Another convincing victory against Shelby Company Limited in the Semis sets up a tantalising battle between Championship promotees.

THE FINAL

The Onanas were early risers in the H2Hs, with @Alchim1st (122) brewing up something tasty while @fplbeaver (121) kept the dam watertight, but they didn’t read the memo about excessive hits, which was worth a goal to the Bandicoots in the Squad match. They duly cashed in, with @FPL_HK17 (122) leading a bevy of Centurions to secure a winning lead.

GREYHEAD CUP

Following a middling campaign in the Championship, One Tchouameni developed a taste for the Cup with a sweetener against Sweet 2FA in the Last 16, a breathless performance against Premier League opposition, Spearsmint Dino, in the Quarters; and a hearty main course served up by Maradona Kebabs in the Semis. They’ll face The Generalists in the Final, who struggled in League 2, but found success in individual skirmishes against El Sin Nombre (Premier League), It’s a Wonderful Cruyff (League 1) and FC Ha La Land (Championship).

THE FINAL

It was stalemate in the H2Hs, with @zopharfpl (121) and @Chrismartin1984 (121) both excelling as Custodians; and One Tchouameni set a high bar in the Squad match, but The Generalists sailed over it with a Five Star performance. Like all good strategists, @FPLGeneral masterminded his campaign from the rear, but @LiberoFPL (125) was given a free hand, and @alexwaterbaby (124) maintained supplies to secure a famous victory.

DIFFERENTIAL CUP

Murder on Zidane’s Floor complete an impressive array of representation from Championship teams in the Finals, although they won’t thank me for referencing their League campaign. A Last 16 tear-jerker with No Koeman No Cry was followed by a skinful against I Gerd Müller a Pint in the Quarters, and a comfortable ride from No Fuchs Given in the Semis. There should be a juicy match-up in the Final against Cafu Good Men, who sought solace from the pain of relegation by beating up Fred Rice Eaters, The Heroes and fellow Premiership under-performers, Oppenhamster. Maybe they’ll put on a show.

THE FINAL

It was a classic match-up of Goodies and Baddies, minus the juicy bits, but it turned out to be a winning strategy for the Cafus. @FPLNormalOne (121) and @FPL_Harry (121) donned the gloves to good effect in the H2Hs, but it was a different story in the Squad match, where the Zidanes paid dearly for their excessive violence. With the Cafus staying in the black, @Dabook’s (126) monster score was sufficient to clinch the trophy. I hear that the bus for the victory parade has already been booked.

Congratulations to the winners, brace yourselves for the fame and adoration that will surely follow; and commiseration to the losers. For the rest of us, there’s always next year.

For those who want to check the small print, or like playing with spreadsheets, all of the results and finer details are available via the SKLW Main Site here and by accessing Livescores by TopMarx.

That’s it for another season, I hope you enjoyed it and that, after a brief respite to fret about next season’s prices and getting a low FPL ID number, you’ll soon be raring to go again. There’s a lot of work that goes into making the SKLW tournament run smoothly, none of it done by me, so its hats off to FPL Ron Manager and his team, who kept the show on the road, and to TopMarx, who is responsible for most of the clever bits.

I’m off to find a good Garden Centre to visit on Sunday afternoon. Good luck and stay safe.