The latest episode, created mid-afternoon today, was not recorded amidst a playground, although, at times, the background noise and smutty innuendo would suggest as much.

While the fruit of our loins play merrily in adjacent rooms, Granville and I retire to find some quiet and systematically pull apart another week of Fantasy football with all the usual regulars thrown in. Granville has a 22-point lead to show for his efforts, while I’m doing all I can to remain calm after what can best be described as a false start. The green arrows are coming. Surely they’re coming?

Join the kindergarten cops via this link or stream the bedtime story using the handy player below…

About The Author

“Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.”

Mark

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  1. Which player out of this three to right hand man baines until January transfers: I dont have liverpool or spurs but gibbs is .6 cheaper and Arsenal have proven strong at the back.

    Glen Johnson
    Kyle Walker
    Keiran Gibbs

    • 1 year, 12 months ago
  2. Last....

    • 1 year, 12 months ago
  3. they are only 500,000 and 260,000 and they are giving me out advice, eh think i should turn this off

    • 1 year, 12 months ago
  4. Is it worth getting rid of podolski and fellaini for suarez and duff for a 4 point hit?

    • 1 year, 12 months ago
    1. yep - or go for Bale if you have the $$$

      • 1 year, 12 months ago
  5. Morning all

    Who to captain out of this motley crew? ... currently with Bale but think Tevez may do some damage .... or then again Ivanovic ....oooh my head hurts

    Vorm

    Baines, Jagielka, Vertonghen, Ivanovic

    Dembele, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa, Bale

    Tevez, Pogrebnyak

    • 1 year, 12 months ago
  6. Ivanovic or Mcauley? both have clean sheet potentials,

    Otherwise team is:
    Mannone
    Vertonghen, Jenk, McAuley or Ivanovic
    Santi, Fell, Michu, Ramirez, Haz
    Tevez, Ba,

    • 1 year, 12 months ago
    1. Ivanovic is the go to man.

      • 1 year, 12 months ago
  7. Transfer Fellaini out for Bale on GW8?

    • 1 year, 12 months ago

Scout Picks

For Gameweek 6

  • Foster
  • Ivanovic
  • Duff
  • Bertrand
  • Puncheon
  • Fábregas
  • Di María
  • Sterling
  • Welbeck
  • Diego Costa
  • Pellè
  • Dawson
  • Tadic
  • Lukaku

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Fixture Ticker

The Watchlist

Goalkeepers

Last updated: 2 Oct, 2014 12:24pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Forster SOT A, Vs
No Change Begovic STO B, Vs
No Change Mannone SUN B, £
No Change Heaton BRN B, £
No Change Schmeichel LEI B, Vs, £
No Change Fabianski SWA A
Up Mignolet LIV C, Vs
Up Adrián WHM C
Up Howard EVE C, Vs
Up Szczesny ARS C

Defenders

Last updated: 2 Oct, 2014 12:15pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Ivanovic CHE A, VsX
No Change Bertrand SOT A, Vs
No Change Baines EVE B, Vs
Up Taylor SWA B, £
No Change Chambers ARS C, £, Sus
No Change Van Aanholt SUN B, VsX, £
No Change Shawcross STO B, Vs
Down Trippier BRN B
No Change Morgan LEI C, Vs, £
Up Kompany MCI C
No Change Moreno LIV C, Vs
No Change Ward CPL C
Up Wisdom WBA B, £
Up Kaboul TOT B

Midfielders

Last updated: 1 Oct, 2014 9:05pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Sterling LIV A, Vs
No Change Tadic SOT B, Vs
No Change Di María MUN A, VsX
No Change Sigurdsson SWA C
No Change Fábregas CHE B, VsX
Up Silva MCI B
Up Chadli TOT A
Up Downing WHM A, £
Up Sánchez ARS A, Rest
Up Puncheon CPL B
Down Hazard CHE C, VsX
Up Moses STO B, Vs, £
Up McGeady EVE C, Vs, Rest, £
Down Larsson SUN B, £
Up Boyd BRN C, £

Forwards

Last updated: 1 Oct, 2014 9:04pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Diego Costa CHE A, VsX
No Change Pellè SOT A, Vs
No Change Aguero MCI A
Up Welbeck ARS A
No Change Ulloa LEI A, Vs, £
No Change Lukaku EVE B, Vs
Up Dzeko MCI B, Rest
Up van Persie MUN B
Up Naismith EVE B, Vs, £
Down Balotelli LIV C, Vs
Down Adebayor TOT C

Selection Factors

A, B, C Current Form
Vs Favourable Fixtures
VsX Unfavourable Fixtures
Rest Rotation Risk
Inj Injured/Returning from Injury
OoP Out of Position
£ Potential Bargain
Sus Suspended/Near Suspension

The Suspension Tightrope

Player Team YC
Chambers ARS 4
Wilshere ARS 4
Shelvey SWA 4
Diego Costa CHE 3
Robertson HUL 3
Moreno LIV 3
Fernandinho MCI 3
Y Touré MCI 3
Pellè SOT 3
Dorrans WBA 3
Gardner WBA 3
Reid WHM 3

“Petr is an amazing goalkeeper, but the difference between them is ten years and we think we have to make a decision about the future of the club and to give the goal to Courtois”

Jose Mourinho Chelsea Manager