The latest episode, created mid-afternoon today, was not recorded amidst a playground, although, at times, the background noise and smutty innuendo would suggest as much.

While the fruit of our loins play merrily in adjacent rooms, Granville and I retire to find some quiet and systematically pull apart another week of Fantasy football with all the usual regulars thrown in. Granville has a 22-point lead to show for his efforts, while I’m doing all I can to remain calm after what can best be described as a false start. The green arrows are coming. Surely they’re coming?

Join the kindergarten cops via this link or stream the bedtime story using the handy player below…

About The Author

“Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.”

Mark

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  1. Which player out of this three to right hand man baines until January transfers: I dont have liverpool or spurs but gibbs is .6 cheaper and Arsenal have proven strong at the back.

    Glen Johnson
    Kyle Walker
    Keiran Gibbs

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  2. Last....

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  3. they are only 500,000 and 260,000 and they are giving me out advice, eh think i should turn this off

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  4. Is it worth getting rid of podolski and fellaini for suarez and duff for a 4 point hit?

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
    1. yep - or go for Bale if you have the $$$

      • 1 year, 10 months ago
  5. Morning all

    Who to captain out of this motley crew? ... currently with Bale but think Tevez may do some damage .... or then again Ivanovic ....oooh my head hurts

    Vorm

    Baines, Jagielka, Vertonghen, Ivanovic

    Dembele, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa, Bale

    Tevez, Pogrebnyak

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  6. Ivanovic or Mcauley? both have clean sheet potentials,

    Otherwise team is:
    Mannone
    Vertonghen, Jenk, McAuley or Ivanovic
    Santi, Fell, Michu, Ramirez, Haz
    Tevez, Ba,

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
    1. Ivanovic is the go to man.

      • 1 year, 10 months ago
  7. Transfer Fellaini out for Bale on GW8?

    • 1 year, 10 months ago

Scout Picks

For Gameweek 3

  • Krul
  • Caulker
  • Kolarov
  • Dummett
  • Fábregas
  • Ramsey
  • Sigurdsson
  • de Jong
  • Jovetic
  • Rooney
  • Aguero
  • Williams
  • Eriksen
  • Adebayor

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Fixture Ticker

The Watchlist

Goalkeepers

Last updated: 31 Aug, 2014 7:45am
Player Club Factors
No Change Krul NEW B, Vs, £
Up Mignolet LIV C, Vs
Up Begovic STO B, Vs
No Change Forster SOT B, Vs
Up De Gea MUN B
No Change Courtois CHE B
No Change Mannone SUN C, Vs, £
No Change Fabianski SWA A, Vs
Up Lloris TOT B, VsX
Up Heaton BRN B, Vs, £

Defenders

Last updated: 31 Aug, 2014 7:55am
Player Club Factors
No Change Ivanovic CHE A
Up Clyne SOT B, Vs, £
Up Lovren LIV B, Vs
Up Shawcross STO B, Vs
Up Janmaat NEW A, £
No Change Jones MUN C, Vs
No Change Taylor SWA B, Vs, £
No Change Van Aanholt SUN C, Vs, £
Down Ward CPL C
No Change Caulker QPR B
Up Duff BRN B, Vs, £
No Change Vertonghen TOT B, VsX
Up Coleman EVE B

Midfielders

Last updated: 1 Sep, 2014 11:22am
Player Club Factors
Up Sterling LIV A, Vs
Down Ramsey ARS B
No Change Fábregas CHE A
No Change Sigurdsson SWA A
No Change Hazard CHE B
Up Dyer SWA A, £
Up Tadic SOT B, Vs
Up Sánchez ARS B
Up Puncheon CPL B, £
Up Henderson LIV B, Vs
No Change Larsson SUN B, Vs, £
Down Eriksen TOT C
No Change Cabella NEW B, Vs
Down Mata MUN B, Vs
Down Silva MCI B
Up Arfield BRN C, Vs, £

Forwards

Last updated: 31 Aug, 2014 7:47am
Player Club Factors
No Change Diego Costa CHE A
Up Sturridge LIV B, Vs
Down Rooney MUN C, Vs
No Change Aguero MCI B, Rest, Inj
No Change Adebayor TOT B
Up Naismith EVE A, £
Up Pellè SOT B, Vs
Down Jovetic MCI B
Up Emmanuel Rivière NEW C, Vs, £
Down Bony SWA C, Vs
Up Austin QPR B
Up Jutkiewicz BRN C, Vs, £

Selection Factors

A, B, C Current Form
Vs Favourable Fixtures
VsX Unfavourable Fixtures
Rest Rotation Risk
Inj Injured/Returning from Injury
OoP Out of Position
£ Potential Bargain
Sus Suspended/Near Suspension

“Petr is an amazing goalkeeper, but the difference between them is ten years and we think we have to make a decision about the future of the club and to give the goal to Courtois”

Jose Mourinho Chelsea Manager