The latest episode, created mid-afternoon today, was not recorded amidst a playground, although, at times, the background noise and smutty innuendo would suggest as much.

While the fruit of our loins play merrily in adjacent rooms, Granville and I retire to find some quiet and systematically pull apart another week of Fantasy football with all the usual regulars thrown in. Granville has a 22-point lead to show for his efforts, while I’m doing all I can to remain calm after what can best be described as a false start. The green arrows are coming. Surely they’re coming?

Join the kindergarten cops via this link or stream the bedtime story using the handy player below…

About The Author

“Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.”

Mark

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  1. Which player out of this three to right hand man baines until January transfers: I dont have liverpool or spurs but gibbs is .6 cheaper and Arsenal have proven strong at the back.

    Glen Johnson
    Kyle Walker
    Keiran Gibbs

    • 2 years, 19 days ago
  2. Last....

    • 2 years, 19 days ago
  3. they are only 500,000 and 260,000 and they are giving me out advice, eh think i should turn this off

    • 2 years, 19 days ago
  4. Is it worth getting rid of podolski and fellaini for suarez and duff for a 4 point hit?

    • 2 years, 18 days ago
    1. yep - or go for Bale if you have the $$$

      • 2 years, 17 days ago
  5. Morning all

    Who to captain out of this motley crew? ... currently with Bale but think Tevez may do some damage .... or then again Ivanovic ....oooh my head hurts

    Vorm

    Baines, Jagielka, Vertonghen, Ivanovic

    Dembele, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa, Bale

    Tevez, Pogrebnyak

    • 2 years, 18 days ago
  6. Ivanovic or Mcauley? both have clean sheet potentials,

    Otherwise team is:
    Mannone
    Vertonghen, Jenk, McAuley or Ivanovic
    Santi, Fell, Michu, Ramirez, Haz
    Tevez, Ba,

    • 2 years, 18 days ago
    1. Ivanovic is the go to man.

      • 2 years, 17 days ago
  7. Transfer Fellaini out for Bale on GW8?

    • 2 years, 17 days ago

Scout Picks

For Gameweek 9

  • Fabianski
  • Baines
  • Dawson
  • Bertrand
  • Sánchez
  • Sterling
  • Eriksen
  • Tadic
  • Pellè
  • Aguero
  • Berahino
  • Vlaar
  • Chadli
  • Lukaku

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Fixture Ticker

The Watchlist

Goalkeepers

Last updated: 22 Oct, 2014 8:17am
Player Club Factors
No Change Forster SOT A, Vs
Up Lloris TOT B, Vs
Up Howard EVE B, Vs
No Change Szczesny ARS C, Vs
Up Adrián WHM B
Up Guzan AVL B
Down Schmeichel LEI B, Vs
No Change Mignolet LIV C
Up Foster WBA C
Down Heaton BRN C, £

Defenders

Last updated: 22 Oct, 2014 8:19am
Player Club Factors
No Change Baines EVE A, Vs
No Change Bertrand SOT A, Vs
No Change Ivanovic CHE B
Up Chambers ARS C, £
Up Kaboul TOT B, Vs
Up Vlaar AVL
Down Tomkins WHM B, Inj
Up Robertson HUL B, VsX
No Change Lovren LIV C, Vs
Down Schlupp LEI B, Rest, OoP, £
Up Kompany MCI B
Up Dawson WBA B
Down Shawcross STO B
Down Trippier BRN B

Midfielders

Last updated: 21 Oct, 2014 12:16pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Sterling LIV A, Vs
No Change Tadic SOT A, Vs
No Change Di María MUN A, VsX
Up Sánchez ARS A, Vs, Rest
Down Sigurdsson SWA B, VsX
No Change Fábregas CHE A, VsX
Up Chadli TOT B, Inj
Up Downing WHM B, Vs, £
Up Eriksen TOT A, Vs
Up Hazard CHE B, VsX
Up Mane SOT B, Vs
Up Henderson LIV B, Vs
Down Silva MCI B
No Change Puncheon CPL B
No Change Milner MCI B, Rest, £

Forwards

Last updated: 20 Oct, 2014 1:20pm
Player Club Factors
Up Aguero MCI A, Vs
Up Pellè SOT A, Vs
Down Diego Costa CHE A, VsX, Inj
No Change Welbeck ARS A, Vs, Inj
Up Falcao MUN B, VsX
Up Sakho WHM A, Vs, £
Up Berahino WBA A, £
Down Ulloa LEI B, Vs, £
Up Naismith EVE B, Vs, £
No Change Bony SWA B, VsX
Up Cissé NEW A

Selection Factors

A, B, C Current Form
Vs Favourable Fixtures
VsX Unfavourable Fixtures
Rest Rotation Risk
Inj Injured/Returning from Injury
OoP Out of Position
£ Potential Bargain
Sus Suspended/Near Suspension

The Suspension Tightrope

Player Team YC
Bardsley STO 4
Reid WHM 4
Diego Costa CHE 3
Fábregas CHE 3
Barry EVE 3
Naismith EVE 3
Robertson HUL 3
Moore LEI 3
Moreno LIV 3
Fernandinho MCI 3
Y Touré MCI 3
Dunne QPR 3
Henry QPR 3
Pellè SOT 3
Schneiderlin SOT 3
Mame Biram Diouf STO 3
Cattermole SUN 3
Dorrans WBA 3
Gardner WBA 3

“Last year was quite open for me, I was in good positions, but I was quite lucky because I was getting free kicks and some penalties as well.”

Yaya Toure Manchester City midfielder