The latest episode, created mid-afternoon today, was not recorded amidst a playground, although, at times, the background noise and smutty innuendo would suggest as much.

While the fruit of our loins play merrily in adjacent rooms, Granville and I retire to find some quiet and systematically pull apart another week of Fantasy football with all the usual regulars thrown in. Granville has a 22-point lead to show for his efforts, while I’m doing all I can to remain calm after what can best be described as a false start. The green arrows are coming. Surely they’re coming?

Join the kindergarten cops via this link or stream the bedtime story using the handy player below…

About The Author

“Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.”

Mark

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  1. Which player out of this three to right hand man baines until January transfers: I dont have liverpool or spurs but gibbs is .6 cheaper and Arsenal have proven strong at the back.

    Glen Johnson
    Kyle Walker
    Keiran Gibbs

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  2. Last....

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  3. they are only 500,000 and 260,000 and they are giving me out advice, eh think i should turn this off

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  4. Is it worth getting rid of podolski and fellaini for suarez and duff for a 4 point hit?

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
    1. yep - or go for Bale if you have the $$$

      • 1 year, 11 months ago
  5. Morning all

    Who to captain out of this motley crew? ... currently with Bale but think Tevez may do some damage .... or then again Ivanovic ....oooh my head hurts

    Vorm

    Baines, Jagielka, Vertonghen, Ivanovic

    Dembele, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa, Bale

    Tevez, Pogrebnyak

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
  6. Ivanovic or Mcauley? both have clean sheet potentials,

    Otherwise team is:
    Mannone
    Vertonghen, Jenk, McAuley or Ivanovic
    Santi, Fell, Michu, Ramirez, Haz
    Tevez, Ba,

    • 1 year, 11 months ago
    1. Ivanovic is the go to man.

      • 1 year, 11 months ago
  7. Transfer Fellaini out for Bale on GW8?

    • 1 year, 11 months ago

Scout Picks

For Gameweek 4

  • Begovic
  • Ivanovic
  • Lovren
  • Clyne
  • Zaha
  • Fábregas
  • Di María
  • Sterling
  • Pellè
  • Diego Costa
  • Balotelli
  • Moreno
  • Chadli
  • Naismith

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Fixture Ticker

The Watchlist

Goalkeepers

Last updated: 13 Sep, 2014 5:34pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Mignolet LIV B, Vs
No Change Forster SOT B, Vs
No Change Begovic STO B, Vs
No Change De Gea MUN C, Vs
No Change Courtois CHE B, VsX
Up Mannone SUN C, Vs, £
No Change Fabianski SWA A
Up Speroni CPL C
Up Heaton BRN C, Vs, £
Up McCarthy QPR C, Rest, £
No Change Lloris TOT B
Down Krul NEW B

Defenders

Last updated: 13 Sep, 2014 10:31pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Ivanovic CHE A, VsX
No Change Lovren LIV B, Vs
Up Clyne SOT A, Vs
Up Shawcross STO A, Vs
Up Trippier BRN C, Vs
Up Van Aanholt SUN C, Vs, £
Up Evans MUN C, Vs
No Change Taylor SWA B, £
No Change Vertonghen TOT C
No Change Ward CPL C
Down Janmaat NEW B, Inj, £
Up Baines EVE C
Down Chambers ARS C
Down Caulker QPR C

Midfielders

Last updated: 13 Sep, 2014 5:30pm
Player Club Factors
Up Sterling LIV A, Vs
No Change Sigurdsson SWA A
Down Ramsey ARS A, Inj
No Change Fábregas CHE A, VsX
Up Tadic SOT A, Vs
No Change Hazard CHE B, VsX
Up Chadli TOT A, £
Up Zaha CPL C, £
Down Sánchez ARS A
Up Di María MUN B, Vs
No Change Silva MCI B
Up Mirallas EVE A
Up Larsson SUN A, Vs, £
Up Eriksen TOT B
Up Boyd BRN C, Vs, £
Up Cabella NEW B

Forwards

Last updated: 13 Sep, 2014 5:32pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Diego Costa CHE A, VsX
Down Rooney MUN C, Vs
No Change Aguero MCI A
Up Balotelli LIV C, Vs
Up Welbeck ARS B
Up Pellè SOT A, Vs
No Change Adebayor TOT A
Up Naismith EVE A, £
Down Bony SWA C
Up Ulloa LEI A, £
Up Mame Biram Diouf STO B, Vs
Down Jovetic MCI B, Inj
No Change Wickham SUN C, Vs, £
Up Austin QPR B, £

Selection Factors

A, B, C Current Form
Vs Favourable Fixtures
VsX Unfavourable Fixtures
Rest Rotation Risk
Inj Injured/Returning from Injury
OoP Out of Position
£ Potential Bargain
Sus Suspended/Near Suspension

“Petr is an amazing goalkeeper, but the difference between them is ten years and we think we have to make a decision about the future of the club and to give the goal to Courtois”

Jose Mourinho Chelsea Manager