The latest episode, created mid-afternoon today, was not recorded amidst a playground, although, at times, the background noise and smutty innuendo would suggest as much.

While the fruit of our loins play merrily in adjacent rooms, Granville and I retire to find some quiet and systematically pull apart another week of Fantasy football with all the usual regulars thrown in. Granville has a 22-point lead to show for his efforts, while I’m doing all I can to remain calm after what can best be described as a false start. The green arrows are coming. Surely they’re coming?

Join the kindergarten cops via this link or stream the bedtime story using the handy player below…

About The Author

“Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.”

Mark

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  1. Which player out of this three to right hand man baines until January transfers: I dont have liverpool or spurs but gibbs is .6 cheaper and Arsenal have proven strong at the back.

    Glen Johnson
    Kyle Walker
    Keiran Gibbs

    • 1 year, 10 months ago
  2. Last....

    • 1 year, 10 months ago
  3. they are only 500,000 and 260,000 and they are giving me out advice, eh think i should turn this off

    • 1 year, 10 months ago
  4. Is it worth getting rid of podolski and fellaini for suarez and duff for a 4 point hit?

    • 1 year, 10 months ago
    1. yep - or go for Bale if you have the $$$

      • 1 year, 10 months ago
  5. Morning all

    Who to captain out of this motley crew? ... currently with Bale but think Tevez may do some damage .... or then again Ivanovic ....oooh my head hurts

    Vorm

    Baines, Jagielka, Vertonghen, Ivanovic

    Dembele, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa, Bale

    Tevez, Pogrebnyak

    • 1 year, 10 months ago
  6. Ivanovic or Mcauley? both have clean sheet potentials,

    Otherwise team is:
    Mannone
    Vertonghen, Jenk, McAuley or Ivanovic
    Santi, Fell, Michu, Ramirez, Haz
    Tevez, Ba,

    • 1 year, 10 months ago
    1. Ivanovic is the go to man.

      • 1 year, 10 months ago
  7. Transfer Fellaini out for Bale on GW8?

    • 1 year, 10 months ago

Scout Picks

For Gameweek 2

  • Lloris
  • Davies
  • Terry
  • Clyne
  • Hazard
  • Eriksen
  • Sigurdsson
  • Tadic
  • Bony
  • Rooney
  • Diego Costa
  • Chester
  • Ince
  • Adebayor

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Fixture Ticker

The Watchlist

Goalkeepers

Last updated: 25 Aug, 2014 8:51am
Player Club Factors
No Change Krul NEW B, Vs, £
Up Forster SOT B, Vs
Up Courtois CHE B
Up Mannone SUN C, Vs, £
Down Speroni CPL C
Up Fabianski SWA B, Vs
Down De Gea MUN C, Vs
Up Mignolet LIV C, Vs
Down McGregor HUL B
Down Begovic STO C

Defenders

Last updated: 26 Aug, 2014 7:46am
Player Club Factors
No Change Ivanovic CHE A
Up Clyne SOT B, Vs, £
Up Coloccini NEW B, Vs, £
Up Van Aanholt SUN C, Vs, £
Up Taylor SWA B, Vs, £
Down Ward CPL C
Up Lovren LIV B, Vs
No Change Shawcross STO B, Vs
Down Jones MUN C, Vs
Down Caulker QPR C
Down Vlaar AVL B, VsX
Up Vertonghen TOT B, VsX
Up Trippier BRN C, Vs, £

Midfielders

Last updated: 25 Aug, 2014 7:58am
Player Club Factors
No Change Ramsey ARS A
No Change Fábregas CHE A
Up Sigurdsson SWA A, Vs
No Change Sterling LIV A, Vs
No Change Hazard CHE B
No Change Mata MUN B, Vs
Up Tadic SOT C, Vs
Down Eriksen TOT C
Up Larsson SUN B, Vs, £
Up Chadli TOT B, Rest, £
Up Cabella NEW B, Vs
Up Arnautovic STO C
No Change Ince HUL C, Vs, OoP
Up Ward-Prowse SOT B, Vs, £
Up Bolasie CPL C, Vs
Up Silva MCI B, VsX

Forwards

Last updated: 25 Aug, 2014 9:14pm
Player Club Factors
Up Diego Costa CHE A
Down Rooney MUN B, Vs
No Change Sturridge LIV B, Vs
Down Bony SWA C, Vs
Up Jovetic MCI B
Up Adebayor TOT B
Up Aguero MCI B, Inj
Down Giroud ARS B, Inj
Up Naismith EVE A, VsX, £
Up Fletcher SUN C, Vs, £
No Change Pellè SOT C, Vs
No Change Remy QPR C

Selection Factors

A, B, C Current Form
Vs Favourable Fixtures
VsX Unfavourable Fixtures
Rest Rotation Risk
Inj Injured/Returning from Injury
OoP Out of Position
£ Potential Bargain
Sus Suspended/Near Suspension

“Petr is an amazing goalkeeper, but the difference between them is ten years and we think we have to make a decision about the future of the club and to give the goal to Courtois”

Jose Mourinho Chelsea Manager