The latest episode, created mid-afternoon today, was not recorded amidst a playground, although, at times, the background noise and smutty innuendo would suggest as much.

While the fruit of our loins play merrily in adjacent rooms, Granville and I retire to find some quiet and systematically pull apart another week of Fantasy football with all the usual regulars thrown in. Granville has a 22-point lead to show for his efforts, while I’m doing all I can to remain calm after what can best be described as a false start. The green arrows are coming. Surely they’re coming?

Join the kindergarten cops via this link or stream the bedtime story using the handy player below…

About The Author

“Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.”


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  1. Which player out of this three to right hand man baines until January transfers: I dont have liverpool or spurs but gibbs is .6 cheaper and Arsenal have proven strong at the back.

    Glen Johnson
    Kyle Walker
    Keiran Gibbs

    • 3 years, 1 day ago
  2. Last....

    • 3 years, 1 day ago
  3. they are only 500,000 and 260,000 and they are giving me out advice, eh think i should turn this off

    • 3 years, 17 hours ago
  4. Is it worth getting rid of podolski and fellaini for suarez and duff for a 4 point hit?

    • 3 years, 6 hours ago
    1. yep - or go for Bale if you have the $$$

      • 2 years, 12 months ago
  5. Morning all

    Who to captain out of this motley crew? ... currently with Bale but think Tevez may do some damage .... or then again Ivanovic ....oooh my head hurts


    Baines, Jagielka, Vertonghen, Ivanovic

    Dembele, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa, Bale

    Tevez, Pogrebnyak

    • 3 years, 5 hours ago
  6. Ivanovic or Mcauley? both have clean sheet potentials,

    Otherwise team is:
    Vertonghen, Jenk, McAuley or Ivanovic
    Santi, Fell, Michu, Ramirez, Haz
    Tevez, Ba,

    • 3 years, 4 hours ago
    1. Ivanovic is the go to man.

      • 2 years, 12 months ago
  7. Transfer Fellaini out for Bale on GW8?

    • 2 years, 12 months ago

Scout Picks

Gameweek 8

  • Adrián
  • Francis
  • Dann
  • Kolarov
  • Ritchie
  • De Bruyne
  • Payet
  • Hoolahan
  • Hazard
  • Vardy
  • Aguero
  • Amavi
  • Barkley
  • Gestede

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The Watchlist


Last updated: 30 Sep, 2015 8:21am
Player Club Factors
No Change Myhill WBA B, Vs, Rest
No Change Butland STO B, Vs
No Change Begovic CHE C, Vs
Down Hart MCI B, Vs, Inj
No Change De Gea MUN B, VsX
No Change Fabianski SWA B, Vs
Up Cech ARS C, Vs
Up Stekelenburg SOT A


Last updated: 6 Oct, 2015 12:22pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Kolarov MCI B, Vs
No Change Dawson WBA B, Vs
Up Bellerín ARS A
No Change Naughton SWA C, Vs
No Change Azpilicueta CHE C, Vs
Up Cédric Soares SOT A, Rest
Up Janmaat NEW B, Vs, Inj
Up Dann CPL C
No Change Martin NOR B
Down Dier TOT A, Sus
Down Cresswell WHM B
Down Francis BOU C


Last updated: 5 Oct, 2015 12:37pm
Player Club Factors
Up Sánchez ARS A
Up De Bruyne MCI A, Vs
Up Mane SOT A
Down Mahrez LEI A, Vs, Rest
No Change Payet WHM A
Up Mata MUN A, VsX
No Change André Ayew SWA C, Vs
No Change Hazard CHE C, Vs
Up Walcott ARS B, Rest
Up Barkley EVE A
Down Y Touré MCI B, Vs, Inj
No Change Bolasie CPL C
Up Coutinho LIV C, VsX
Up Lamela TOT B
Up Lens SUN C, Vs, Sus


Last updated: 5 Oct, 2015 12:38pm
Player Club Factors
No Change Aguero MCI C, Vs
No Change Vardy LEI A, £
Up Pellè SOT B
No Change Martial MUN A, VsX
Up Lukaku EVE B
No Change Ighalo WAT A, £
Down Gomis SWA C
No Change Sakho WHM B
No Change Kane TOT C
No Change Berahino WBA B, Vs

Selection Factors

A, B, C Current Form
Vs Favourable Fixtures
VsX Unfavourable Fixtures
Rest Rotation Risk
Inj Injured/Returning from Injury
OoP Out of Position
£ Potential Bargain
Sus Suspended/Near Suspension
Player Team YC
Clark AVL 4
Schlupp LEI 4
Fernandinho MCI 4
Mangala MCI 4
Darmian MUN 4
Colback NEW 4
Romeu SOT 4
Jones SUN 4
Dele Alli TOT 4
Noble WHM 4

“All players will blank a few times during the season. When almost all do it in the same Gameweek, it is tough to take, but that's just the dark side of probability.”

Abreu 42 Community regular