The latest episode, created mid-afternoon today, was not recorded amidst a playground, although, at times, the background noise and smutty innuendo would suggest as much.

While the fruit of our loins play merrily in adjacent rooms, Granville and I retire to find some quiet and systematically pull apart another week of Fantasy football with all the usual regulars thrown in. Granville has a 22-point lead to show for his efforts, while I’m doing all I can to remain calm after what can best be described as a false start. The green arrows are coming. Surely they’re coming?

Join the kindergarten cops via this link or stream the bedtime story using the handy player below…

About The Author

“Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.”

Mark

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  1. Which player out of this three to right hand man baines until January transfers: I dont have liverpool or spurs but gibbs is .6 cheaper and Arsenal have proven strong at the back.

    Glen Johnson
    Kyle Walker
    Keiran Gibbs

    • 2 years, 4 months ago
  2. Last....

    • 2 years, 4 months ago
  3. they are only 500,000 and 260,000 and they are giving me out advice, eh think i should turn this off

    • 2 years, 4 months ago
  4. Is it worth getting rid of podolski and fellaini for suarez and duff for a 4 point hit?

    • 2 years, 4 months ago
    1. yep - or go for Bale if you have the $$$

      • 2 years, 4 months ago
  5. Morning all

    Who to captain out of this motley crew? ... currently with Bale but think Tevez may do some damage .... or then again Ivanovic ....oooh my head hurts

    Vorm

    Baines, Jagielka, Vertonghen, Ivanovic

    Dembele, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa, Bale

    Tevez, Pogrebnyak

    • 2 years, 4 months ago
  6. Ivanovic or Mcauley? both have clean sheet potentials,

    Otherwise team is:
    Mannone
    Vertonghen, Jenk, McAuley or Ivanovic
    Santi, Fell, Michu, Ramirez, Haz
    Tevez, Ba,

    • 2 years, 4 months ago
    1. Ivanovic is the go to man.

      • 2 years, 4 months ago
  7. Transfer Fellaini out for Bale on GW8?

    • 2 years, 4 months ago

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For Gameweek 27

  • De Gea
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  • Bertrand
  • Janmaat
  • Sánchez
  • Di María
  • Walters
  • Mane
  • Sakho
  • Rooney
  • Aguero
  • Cresswell
  • Moses
  • Gomis

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Fixture Ticker

The Watchlist

Goalkeepers

Last updated: 2 Mar, 2015 11:08am
Player Club Factors
Up Foster WBA A, Vs
Down Pantilimon SUN B, Vs
No Change Ospina ARS B
Up Lloris TOT C, Vs
Down Hart MCI C, Vs
Up Green QPR C, Vs
Down Guzan AVL C, Vs
Up Speroni CPL C

Defenders

Last updated: 2 Mar, 2015 2:23pm
Player Club Factors
Up Ivanovic CHE A
No Change Bellerín ARS A, Rest, £
Up Dawson WBA A, Vs, £
Up Rose TOT B, Vs, Rest, £
Up Naughton SWA B, Vs, £
Up Yun QPR C, Vs, £
Down Bertrand SOT C
Down Réveillere SUN B, Vs, £
Down Kompany MCI C, Vs
Down Wollscheid STO C
Down Skrtel LIV B
Down Cresswell WHM C, VsX
Up Dann CPL C, Vs
Down Vlaar AVL C, Vs, Inj

Midfielders

Last updated: 2 Mar, 2015 11:33am
Player Club Factors
Up Hazard CHE A
No Change Silva MCI A, Vs
Up Eriksen TOT C, Vs
Up Ozil ARS A, Vs
Up Sterling LIV B, VsX
Down Sánchez ARS C, Vs
Up Phillips QPR B, Vs
Up Puncheon CPL B, VsX
Down Mane SOT C, Vs
No Change Sinclair AVL B, Vs, £
Down Walters STO B
Down Di María MUN B
Down Downing WHM C
Up Ki SWA B, Vs

Forwards

Last updated: 2 Mar, 2015 11:43am
Player Club Factors
No Change Aguero MCI A, Vs
Up Kane TOT A, Vs
Up Austin QPR B, Vs
Down Giroud ARS B, Vs
Up Rooney MUN B
Down Diego Costa CHE C
Down N'Doye HUL B, £
Up Cissé NEW B, Vs, £
Up Gomis SWA C, Vs
Down Sturridge LIV C, VsX, Rest
Down Lukaku EVE C
No Change Defoe SUN C
Up Benteke AVL C, Vs
Down Berahino WBA B, Inj

Selection Factors

A, B, C Current Form
Vs Favourable Fixtures
VsX Unfavourable Fixtures
Rest Rotation Risk
Inj Injured/Returning from Injury
OoP Out of Position
£ Potential Bargain
Sus Suspended/Near Suspension

The Suspension Tightrope

Player Team YC
Hutton AVL 9
Barry EVE 9
Bardsley STO 9
Cattermole SUN 9
Taylor SWA 9
Clark AVL 8
Cleverley AVL 8
Diego Costa CHE 8
Fábregas CHE 8
Besic EVE 8
Livermore HUL 8
Gerrard LIV 8
Barton QPR 8
Pellè SOT 8
Wanyama SOT 8
Larsson SUN 8
Reid WHM 8
Chambers ARS 7
Agbonlahor AVL 7
Okore AVL 7
Matic CHE 7
Henderson LIV 7
Skrtel LIV 7
Kompany MCI 7
Fernandinho MCI 7
Janmaat NEW 7
Dunne QPR 7
Fonte SOT 7
Schneiderlin SOT 7
Shelvey SWA 7
Mason TOT 7

“Last year was quite open for me, I was in good positions, but I was quite lucky because I was getting free kicks and some penalties as well.”

Yaya Toure Manchester City midfielder