Jose Mourinho’s premature, Jesus can save us all and Arsenal’s defenders are happy with their lot – it’s time for another addition of Say What?

There’s also Mauricio Pochettino on his wing-backs and Maya Yoshida in a particularly saucy mood as we let the football world talk the talk once more.

Please read and inwardly digest.

Jose Piques Too Early

If Jose Mourinho acted in real life like he does in front of the media, it would go something like this…

First date: “In this moment I cannot commit as you will surely become old and ugly.”

Walking down the aisle: “I have the divorce papers ready. We will hate each other soon.”

En route to the honeymoon: “I must warn you that I have been under a lot of stress recently.”

Basically, he can’t help but get his excuses in early.

Sometimes way too early, as he did this week when declaring that he’ll probably have to field a team of kids in the match with Crystal Palace.

That’s the Gameweek 38 match with Crystal Palace – still a full 17 days (and five/possibly six fixtures) away.

“You are punished for doing well. If we beat Celta (Vigo), we have the final on the Wednesday and we play against Crystal Palace on the Sunday. Maybe I can bring Nicky Butt and his team to play against Crystal Palace. Hopefully, Palace doesn’t need a game to stay in the division because it would be very, very bad if they needed the points for us to play with the under-23s. It’s difficult.”

These issues need to be taken into account when managing a football club.

But airing them to the media? What good does that actually do? All it does is invite controversy and gets the FA sniffing round long before they’re needed.

Funnily enough, though, it could do us some good.

A double Gameweek 37 that involves Spurs and Southampton away might have persuaded us to at least consider United assets, particularly with Saints players seemingly on the verge of mutiny – if the Daily Star can ever be believed, that is.

Mourinho’s very public admission that he’s finally going all-in on the Europa League should put an end to those considerations.

“Thinking about us as a team, winning this competition (the Europa League) would be a good achievement and would allow us to be back in the Champions League. If we have to rest players next weekend (against Arsenal) then we are going to do that.”

United assets worth a look were generally confined to the defence – they’ve kept five clean sheets in their last seven league matches. Or six, if you include Eric Bailly’s timely injury against Swansea City last weekend.

But with the risk of rotation now looming large, we can’t really look beyond David de Gea, who has 26 points from his last four starts, and the 314-owned (count ’em) centre-back starlet Axel Tuanzebe.

If anything, Mourinho going so public strengthens our resolve to risk all our Fantasy cash on the out-of-sorts Alexis Sanchez, an 11.5-priced talent with just one goal from his last six decidedly underwhelming run-outs.

“In relation to the Premier League, I think it’s too late because in the past month of April we played nine matches, seven of them in the Premier and we had too many problems, too many players absent. In this moment the perspective is different because the Europa League becomes even more important for us.”

Yep, based on that, Arsenal players are looking increasingly attractive – they do have five fixtures to come, after all, and the United match was always going to be the toughest of them.

Let’s just hope that the Red Devils don’t crash and burn in Spain tonight.

Because if they do, we’ll get a new set of excuses from Mourinho but no early warning as to how United will line up at the Emirates on Sunday.

Jesus, It Seems So Obvious

The old joke that ran along the lines of ‘Jesus saves, but (insert striker name here) scores from the rebound’ is no longer applicable.

Because Jesus does the scoring these days.

And even Pep Guardiola, who has tried out more positional experiments than the Kama Sutra, hasn’t got round to sticking the young Brazilian in goal.

Yet.

In fact, the only rebound concerns whether the 21.9% of us currently in a relationship with Sergio Aguero will sever those ties and then immediately jump into bed with his younger and (financially) more attractive team-mate.

It’s not like Sergio hasn’t been performing – he’s hit six goals in his last seven and provided us with a very chunky 12 points in the 2-2 draw at Middlesbrough.

And it’s not like the pair can’t play together – while Aguero was doing his double-digit thing at the Riverside, Jesus was up there and dancing alongside him, grabbing a goal on his first start since a Gameweek 25 metatarsal injury.

The Argentinian is certainly keen to stress his adaptability.

“I always played as a second striker. People think that I’m a No9, but I’ve only become a No9 over the last two-and-a-half years at City. Manuel Pellegrini often played me as a lone striker and it’s been the same under Pep. I’ve been adapting to it over the last few years. Maybe people look at my goals and say ‘What a No9!’ I just want to play.”

So there’s every chance the pair can continue their new double act until the end of the season, banging them in at home to Palace, Leicester and West Brom and away at Watford on the last day.

Every chance, that is, should Aguero recover from the groin injury that curtailed his involvement in the Middlesbrough match.

But there’s precisely zero chance we’ll be doubling up on City strikers for the run-in, however fantastic those fixtures might be.

There simply isn’t room for them both, not when we’ve got the likes of Harry Kane, Diego Costa, Jamie Vardy and double double Gameweek boy Manolo Gabbiadini to squeeze into the three striker slots available.

As a result, Aguero’s fitness is likely to prove irrelevant.

His team-mate costs just 8.7 (compared to 12.8) and is owned by a mere 3.9%, although he is the Gameweek’s most popular new purchase. Throw in a strike rate – four goals in just four league starts – not seen since British Leyland in the 1970s and it’s a case of what a friend we have in Jesus.

One issue, however, could still have a bearing on the Brazilian’s output, as he was keen to stress himself.

“After being out for three months, I am tired. In my case I am still not 100 per cent fit so I missed so many chances and I am sad for that.

Maybe that explains why 170 FPL managers have bought Kelechi Iheanacho in this week…

Good luck to them. The rest of us are welcoming Jesus into our lives, and he’s certainly saying the right things ahead of Saturday’s lunchtime date with Palace.

“We all know how difficult it is in the Premier League and we know it is going to be difficult until the end (of the season). I am learning that every game in the Premier League is really difficult. Every team can beat you if you are not focused.”

That’s not entirely accurate – City have to face West Brom and, the last time I checked, a team can only beat you if they actually score a goal.

But nit-picking aside, a fully-focused Jesus surely offers the best, and best value, way into City’s forward line now.

Gunners Back In Formation

Back at Arsenal, the news that they could face an under-strength United at the weekend has probably helped the healing process following last Sunday’s north London derby loss.

That match marked a first defeat since Arsene Wenger switched to three at the back, but it hasn’t lessened the players’ belief in the new system.

Hector Bellerin had this to say:

“For the style of play that the team has, it works really well. Sometimes you’ve just got to keep switching system and make the other teams just think about it for a second and I think the team is doing really good. No matter what system we play, I think the team is performing so we’ve just got to keep it going and enjoy every minute of it.”

Apart from every one of the 35 or so minutes following Dele Alli’s opener at White Hart Lane, presumably.

Then there’s Gabriel:

“We were in a good sequence with this new formation. We had been adapting to a new style of play. In the first half, I think we managed to defend ourselves well. But in the second half, I think we’ve come back a bit off. We could not play, and ended up conceding the goals in a silly error in defence. When I say the defence, it’s not just the centre-backs. I think it’s the whole team, right? Right up to the attack.”

Speaking as a centre-back, he would say that though, wouldn’t he?

Finally, we have Wenger himself:

“At the moment it looks like it gets the best out of every player. It’s not a new system because I played it 20, 30 years ago! But it’s a system that sometimes brings some reassurance when the defensive confidence is not at the best.”

So that’s settled – three at the back it is. And a settled side is a good side for Fantasy managers as it allows us to plot with a good deal of confidence.

‘Confidence’, however, is not a word we’ve come to associate with the Arsenal defence recently. Just two clean sheets from their last eight matches suggests words such as ‘steer’, ‘clear’ and ‘completely’ would be rather more apt.

But if United really do turn up at the Emirates with a backline more concerned with Monday’s gruelling GCSE revision timetable – or Chris Smalling and Phil Jones straight outta physio – then Arsenal’s two sets of double Gameweeks start to look a whole lot more attractive.

After the Red Devils, they’ll travel to Southampton (possibly in crisis) and Stoke City (definitely in beach wear) before hosting Sunderland, who’ve been in both all season.

They then finish with a home match against an Everton side so travel sick that they have to be sedated before they set off for – and possibly during – every away match to ensure they fulfil their fixture obligations.

Suddenly we might need to be getting in some Arsenal defensive cover.

Nacho Monreal (5.8) is expensive, but has started all but two of the Gunners league matches this season. He’s also adaptable enough to have played at left centre-back and wing-back in the new formation.

Laurent Koscielny (6.1) is equally pricey but is nailed-on and the man for bonus, while Gabriel (4.8) is cheap and cheerful – unless the potentially fit-again Shkodran Mustafi pinches his place.

Even Petr Cech looks tempting when those fixtures are taken into account – him and his headgear have produced save points in 12 straight league appearances, including a chunky three of them at Spurs.

Wenger can’t seem to make his mind up about his strikers, while we can’t seem to look beyond Sanchez, and maybe Mesut Ozil, for those two double Gameweeks.

The case for the defence, however, is taking shape.

Rose A Thorny Issue

Meanwhile, not so very far away, Spurs continue their attempt to chase down Chelsea.

They now only have four matches left in which to do it, so no-one’s holding their breath.

But we might have to – if Mauricio Pochettino’s comments today on Danny Rose are to be believed.

Our Spurs strategy mostly rests on picking Harry Kane, Dele Alli and Christian Eriksen for the run-in.

But if that’s too rich a trio for your Fantasy wallet, there’s been reliable points from the budget delight that is Ben Davies (4.9).

Since securing a starting berth in Gameweek 24, the left-back/wing-back has been an ever-present with seven clean sheets and an assist to his name.

Rose, however, is now back in contention, according to Pochettino.

“We will see, after three months and one week that he is not playing, we need to see, we need to assess. It’s not easy for every player to arrive to play, need to assess every day. We hope that in the next session he can stay with the group training and then decide if he is in condition to play.”

That’s great news for him,  less so for the 3.7% of managers clinging on to one of only two cut-price ways into the Spurs defence.

The other is Kieran Trippier (4.7), who has been trading places with Kyle Walker for the past six Gameweeks.

Rumours that Walker is unsettled and eyeing mounds of Man City-based cash were dismissed by Pochettino as just that – rumours.

And when asked whether the right-back is in contention for a start against West Ham on Friday night, the coach said this:

“Yes, he’s on the list for tomorrow.”

The clincher, however, came when Pochettino was asked whether rotating his wing-backs has been a key tactic.

“Yes, if you follow me it was one of the good decisions. Because when you have players who deserve to play, you can rotate and all feel involved and important to the team, that is good. From the beginning I remember always because the rotation between Danny Rose and Ben Davies, now Trippier and Kyle in the last two seasons. You can see the performances.”

So that’s both nicely-priced sources of defensive points from Spurs potentially going up the swanny. Or, at best, kept further down the swanny only every other match.

The lesson is clear – if you want to profit from Pochettino’s pack, you’re not likely to do it on the cheap for much longer.

The Source Of Southampton’s Ills

Southampton – a football team that has scored only one more goal at home this season than those northern powerhouses Middlesbrough and Sunderland.

Failing last week to put one past a Hull City defence that’s conceded a league-worst 41 away from home represented a new low even for a team with fewer teeth than a Jeremy Kyle regular.

Manager Claude Puel decided not to pin all the blame on Dusan Tadic’s penalty miss.

“Our game was too poor today, without the good intensity, the good rhythm of the passes, without the possibility to find the good space and the good situations. We were too slow – too slow to take the decisions, to take the good information, to play good football and it was simply not enough today. It’s a good lesson, because if we didn’t give the good intensity of the game, with good quality and good pressing, it’s not possible to win.”

But all that could well be just the tip of the iceberg, which is entirely coincidental when talking about the city from which the Titanic sailed.

Rumours of player unrest over Puel’s rotation policy, fans unhappy with that lack of home goals and the strong sense that the side is treading water until the end of a nearly-but-not-quite season all add up to one thing for us Fantasy managers – you can’t trust Southampton.

It really shouldn’t be that way. The Saints have two double Gameweeks, albeit tricky ones, and a final day home match with fellow travel agent-botherers Stoke City.

But the indifferent form of Manolo Gabbiadini – one assist in three matches since his return from injury – Tadic’s identically underwhelming product from seven matches and Nathan Redmond and James Ward-Prowse becoming the latest victims of Puel’s quest for rest leave us with doubts aplenty.

Thank the heavens, then, for Maya Yoshida.

If there’s one person seemingly immune to rotation, it’s the centre-half – he’s played every minute of every match since Gameweek 19.

And his take on Southampton’s recent failings is…original.

“Defensively we are much better than that today. It’s the same on the attacking side also because we can score much more. It’s difficult to talk about the scoring because this is the most difficult thing. It’s like ketchup … you know it’s coming one day, but not today.”

Yep. You read it right. Southampton’s attack is like ketchup.

Time, perhaps, for some ketchup facts.

Did you know, for instance, that the word might derive from the Cantonese ‘keh jup’, meaning ‘tomato sauce’. Or possibly from the Malay word ‘kicap’, which literally translates as ‘no score even in bawdy house with currency-based man-limb’.

It should also be noted that ketchup comes in many flavours, including tomato, mushroom and bland south coast outfit.

But who needs ketchup up front when Yoshida and partner Jack Stephens are mustard at the back?

The former has 34 points from his last six starts, the latter 31.

And they’re cheap as chips – with or without the ketchup.