Two goals in a frenzied first five Friday minutes foreshadow an exhilarating opening weekend to the Premier League.

But as some Fantasy Premier League (FPL) stereotypes are religiously adhered to, other mantras are firmly silenced and that personification of humility, Jose Mourinho, sends out an early signal of title intent.

The first rule of Fantasy Football: there are no rules…

The wisdom of the ages compels the seasoned Fantasy manager to confidently advise those less proficient souls never to pick a player who is new to the Premier League from the off.

The idea of a newcomer, particularly an overseas import rather than a Championship asset, adjusting immediately to the hurly-burly of our domestic product is anathema to anyone who knows the game.

Step forward Ahmed Hegazi (15 points), Steve Mounie (12), Mo Salah (11), Alvaro Morata (10), Alexandre Lacazette (six) and Sead Kolasinac (five) to provide in their first match.

All of these assets have experienced heavy overnight investment, with the knees of impatient FPL players jerking frantically.

However, before we jettison last year’s models in favour of such expensive new designs, we should perhaps consider how different it could have been had our previous go-to guys converted potential into points.

Are we really so fickle as to trade in Harry Kane (six attempts on goal, five in the area), Kevin De Bruyne (four attempts, though no chances created) and Marcos Alonso (five attempts and three chances created) after just one blank?

Surely, we need to build up more reliable data, bearing in mind that Gameweek 1 revealed…

It can be set-piece silly season all year around…

As a centre-half who thought he was a centre-forward, the game I most looked forward to was the concluding fixture of each season, when our beleaguered coach would succumb to his players’ whims by picking pitch positions from a hat and allocating set-piece duties on a similarly indiscriminate basis.

Granted, I drew “Third Substitute” far too many times for it to be coincidence, but it did at least prepare me for the tactical masterclasses of Messrs Klopp, De Boer and Pellegrino.

Why else would we find, tumbling off the wannabe-David-Beckham conveyer belt, the likes of Patrick van Aanholt and Granit Xhaka taking corners, signalling with either one arm or two the timeless, yet entirely breakable, code for near or far post deliveries

Meanwhile, at Vicarage Road, young Trent Alexander-Arnold was lucky enough to draw corners from the hat as the gregarious Klopp added another nail to the coffin that is the (soon to be updated) Scout set-piece takers’ list.

Given the number of pre-season FPL squad debates which were settled by the phrase “and he’s on all set-pieces”, it’s clear we need to monitor these changes closely, particularly given that…

We all want to be West Brom…

Perhaps not in the sense of filling every outfield position with a progressively taller centre-back in Tony Pulis’ oversized Russian doll collection, but in the importance of scoring from set-pieces.

Of the 31 goals scored in Gameweek 1, almost a third (10) were from set-pieces, and seven of these were from corners.

The stock of takers, albeit following a ludicrously small sample size of 10 matches, could therefore be set to soar, particularly as the ‘how to defend the dead ball’ instruction manual appears to have been circulated to the rest of the league by a certain A. Wenger. What odds another Crouch headed goal against Arsenal next weekend?

This also allowed budget options such as Miguel Britos (£4.5m), Ahmed Hegazi (£4.5m) to open their accounts.

And many FFS Members may well be sorting by the “attempts from Set-Pieces” column in a few weeks’ time, when more extensive data may promote set-piece scorers in our minds, particularly if matched up against the more vulnerable defences.

Some perennial spoilers still love a clean sheet…

At least one thing we can rely on, at this embryonic stage of the season, is that Manchester United and Spurs look set to continue where they left off last year when both teams were joint top for clean sheets, with 17 apiece.

Other cheaper alternatives may be available, however, with Southampton and West Brom avoiding a single big chance against them at the weekend and justifying the doubling and, in many cases, trebling up on their defensive assets by canny/tight-fisted FPL managers.

Admittedly, in the Baggies’ case, this was due to only playing 31 minutes on Saturday, after which Hegazi’s goal effectively signalled the end of the match as a spectacle.

From the moment the West Brom defender headed in – a familiar sounding phrase indeed – they retreated into their shell, repeatedly kicking Bournemouth’s ball back into their half without any intention of creating anything constructive themselves, like your exasperated next-door neighbour when you practise volleys in your (and inadvertently his) back garden.

The only surprise was that Tony Pulis didn’t put a fork through the ball to bring a premature end to proceedings.

Yet although 25,000 inside the Hawthorns will never be able to get back that precious hour of their lives, over 100,000 eager FPL players had seen enough and, at the time of writing, heavy investment in West Brom’s defensive assets has already seen Hegazi’s price increase to £4.6m.

There has been a mixed response so far regarding that Baggies’ rarity – a genuine striker – with owners no doubt delighted by Jay Rodriguez’s four strikes inside the box, but left wondering what might have been had the team sustained that attacking threat beyond the half-hour mark.

Then again, another reason not to bother with any more competitive football is that…

Manchester United have already won the league…

In truth, we knew this was the case before a ball was even kicked at Old Trafford because it is Mourinho’s second season at the club, and that is what he does.

FC Porto, Chelsea, Inter and Real Madrid can all testify to his magic, as the Portuguese sorcerer, aided by no more than a £200 million sprinkling of investment in new players, seeks to conjure this spell at Manchester United, too.

Romelu Lukaku was already the most popular FPL asset in the game, and now sits in over half of FPL teams, reminiscent of Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stock early last season, while David de Gea is again the most sought-after keeper.

However, concerns about Mourinho’s tendency to rotate his star-studded squad, together with a prevailing feeling that he enjoys a truculent 1-0 win rather than a free flowing goal fest, may have resulted in the under-pricing of some of his side’s attacking assets.

Paul Pogba (£8.0m) rewarded his backers (around 20% of all players) with a goal, but Armenian wizard Henrikh Mkhitaryan (£8.0m) and the homegrown Marcus Rashford (£7.5m) could be fantastic mid-price options should Manchester United continue in this buccaneering style.

Then again, they won’t face West Ham at Old Trafford every week.