The Fantasy Gods once again take delight in punishing our jerking knees, budget midfielders vie for our attention and early baths are run all at stadiums all over the country.

Here’s the current Hall of Fame #1 Peter Kouwenberg’s take on another frown-inducing Gameweek.

We need Statto back and fast

Like Socrates, the one thing we know is that we know nothing. Without the reassuring illumination of several weeks’ form and statistics, many FPL managers feel like Thucydides’ account of two ancient armies fighting in the darkness and causing more harm than good through their aimless actions.

Gameweek Two was a prime example.

Based on nothing more than their first 90 minutes of the season being pointless, there were high profile casualties amongst some popular Fantasy Football Scout choices.

Marcos Alonso suffered a net ownership drop of over 65,000 managers, while Javier Hernández (73,000) and Manolo Gabbiadini (34,000) also fell victim to the impatience of the FPL beast, only for the trio to hit back with 16 points, 13 points and seven points respectively in Gameweek 2.

At the time of writing, Hernández is now the most transferred-in player of the week, with almost three hundred thousand new owners. He has four very alluring fixtures in the next five Gameweeks – what a difference a goal or two can make.

By contrast, the hugely popular Ben Davies, Granit Xhaka and Steve Mounie mustered a grand total of five points to suggest that, while some bandwagons undoubtedly do pay off, it takes a particular blend of luck, skill and daring to identify successful diamonds when our statistics tables are so bereft of detailed information.

It is, therefore, difficult to know whether to remain patient or leap aboard the nearest or loudest bandwagon.

Harry Kane represents the acid test for his 1.4 million owners.

An ‘easy game hosting Burnley’ dredges up a horrible sense of déjà vu from last season, while Everton at Goodison Park is unlikely to herald a glut of goals for a striker famously yet to get off the mark in this or any other August.

But can we really overlook his table-topping 14 attempts on goal, 11 in the box and four on target?

More than 86,000 FPL managers can, having already transferred him out this week, whereas Fantasy Football Scout users have him as the stand-out captaincy choice with over 40% of this week’s vote.

So, for the moment at least…

Variety is the spice of life

Although summer is generally my least fruitful part of the season, it is (objectively) the most fascinating period, with an incredible array of options starting well and the notion of a template team banished firmly to the shadowy gloom of winter.

Who, for example, would have expected to see four Watford players in double figures for FPL after two matches?

Despite having just called for caution in overusing truncated statistics, I can’t fail to be impressed Richarlison’s Premier League baptism.

Only the misfiring Harry Kane has had more shots in the box (11) than Andrade’s eight attempts, despite the Brazilian playing an hour less than most of his peers.

Abdoulaye Doucouré (5.1) is another one who may benefit from new manager Marco Silva’s fresh style – only four teams have had more efforts than Watford in the first two matches, whereas last season the Hornets were in the bottom half of the table for this statistic.

At 6.0, though, and with tough fixtures ahead after hosting Brighton this week, Richarlison suddenly finds himself in a hugely competitive price bracket.

Jesé Rodriguez (also 6.0) wasted no time after swapping Paris for the Potteries to produce a match winning performance against Arsenal. He fired in a shot every 23 minutes and sparkled in a wide attacking role.

Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting (£5.5m) also managed three shots in the box and is another to monitor once Stoke City’s fixtures hit a purple patch, starting with a visit from Bournemouth in Gameweek 9.

Much was expected of Huddersfield Town’s record signing, Aaron Mooy (5.6), among the community and only three midfielders lead the ex-Manchester City midfielder on points at this stage.

Tucked away – both in his midfield position on the pitch and in most of the key statistics tables – Mooy has nonetheless matched Richarlison’s goal and assist from two games.

He certainly ‘passes the eye test’ and could become a great enabler with some appealing fixtures in the short term, before a visit to Wembley to face Spurs in Gameweek 7 signals a more challenging run of opponents.

We need to watch men in black too

When it comes to referees, I could moan for a living about poor decisions, but would barely qualify for your Sunday pub league when it comes to actually picking up a whistle.

Listening to last night’s post-match radio confirmed that I’m not alone in this role, as a succession of Manchester City fans came on to defend Kyle Walker and vilify Ronald Koeman’s touchline antics, while the Evertonion callers inevitably rallied around the ill-treated Morgan Schneiderin (blindly overlooking Calvert-Lewin’s dubious reaction leading to the Walker red card).

Nonetheless, those dismissals brought the crimson count up to seven already, and we may need to take note of card magnets as much as bonus magnets.

Last season saw a record number of bookings in the Premier League (3.7 per match), and the early figures suggest that we should expect a similar number of yellow cards to be flourished by the men in the middle.

However, there were only 1.2 red cards per Gameweek in the Premier League last season (46 in total) and this year seven unfortunates have already enjoyed an early season rest, which makes for a whopping 3.5 dismissals per Gameweek average.

This may, of course, be partly due to match officials across the country unwrapping their shiny new decks and deciding that they need to catch up on June and July’s wasted opportunities, but perhaps the apparent move towards football as a non-contact sport should have a far greater credence in our team selection.

Gary Cahill, Marko Arnautović, Cesc Fàbregas and Jonjo Shelvey all have past form for disciplinary issues, with previous seasons littered with yellow, and even a few red, cards.

While it may seem unlikely that the current rate of dismissals will be maintained (133 red cards in a season would surely leave some teams struggling to get a side out), I will certainly be paying greater heed to my potential targets’ behaviour on the pitch.

Last night, only four points separated Nicolás Otamendi and Kyle Walker, but the greater penalty for Walker’s one million owners is that they now have to bench a 6.5 asset next week, or waste a precious transfer getting rid.

At this stage of the season, that’s the last issue we need to be dealing with.