thomass - get onto the gdoc....tough decisions to take at Team SA

Picking an 11 this week was ridiculously tough over 6 hours of deliberating. Come on boys let the Lions maul the Kiwis.

@NZCricket 14s ago

BREAKING: NZ hand FFS UEFA debuts to KiwiBug and Grubs.

Manager Innsie announced that the match against England was the "perfect time" to rest some of the star players and a "wonderful opportunity to groom some new Kiwi talent".

Ireland Team to face UAE:

H V T (C)
Timtastic03
N.A.B.I.L
iCon
Little Lukin
Lucy
Reedy
Siva Mohan
Kuqi Monster
Roscola
Jaffalicious!
Irish Madridista

Biding their time on the pine:

Saniul
Numb
Pompeyfan
Little Lukin

Cricket South Africa team;

Thomass(C)
Bonz
Ameenkw(wk)
CDAWGG
Thomass(vc)
Adam West
Grievez
Elninorules
Eunuch Jelly
Hooperman
Toonzie
Yash
Subs: Gink, Teddy, JWF, Jeff.
#ProteaFire

Sri Lanka team to face Scotland:

d1sable
Jonty
GreenWindmill
Tom Fenley
Andy85wsm
Beavis
Doolittle
Athletico Timbo
Wild Rover
Mark
Dufflinks

Bench: In Like Flynn, Demi, Spencer, Kings of Lyon

Debuts for myself, Mark and Tom Fenley

Bring on the Scots!

Scotland team

Nelson Mandela
Dierdre Barlow
Tywin lannister
Guantanamo guy
Man in the iron mask
Gingerbread man from shrek
Daniel day lewis in loads of films
Dan ackroyd in trading places
Muppet rampage

I think we shall post that again....Computer in the SA office is screwed up!

Cricket South Africa team;

Bonz
Ameenkw(wk)
CDAWGG
Adam West
Thomass(C)
Grievez
Elninorules
Eunuch Jelly
Hooperman
Toonzie
Yash
Subs: Gink, Teddy, JWF, Jeff.
#ProteaFire
No Gink why is that?
Ginkapo was suspended for being found drunk and disordly during training!
Thomass how proud are you to be captaij of the South African cricket team?
Immensely proud to be captain of this great nation.
What do you expect from India?
A tough challenge they will be up for it. They will have huge support behind them, they're supporters are passionate when they go and see India play,
What brand will you guys try to play against India?
An attacking brand of cricket, we are sure that if we play to our potential we will beat India, I am very confident in that.
Is this the greatest time of your lives?
Yup very much so. The management have done a superb job and preparation has been great. We just can't wait to get out there and represent the people of South Africa.
How did the lads deal with missing out on selection?
The lads reacted superbly they are professional, they agreed with what was best for the team and that was to leave them out for this game.
Will they be considered for next week?
Yeah I am sure they will fight to get there place in the team. They are grea lads.
You guys are top of the group so what is the mindset?
Well it's quite clear...the mindset is to go out there and be positive and try and win a game South Africa. Let's go out there and make it two wins from two.
#ProteaFire

Left abandoned by his captains Team Bangladesh manager JK made the tough calls that needed to made, then promptly delayed the announcment whilst he finalised his FPL and Mondogoal teams

so here it is Team Bangladesh lineup v Australia

Valar
Ludo
SW6
TommyTour(c)
Corkyote
Sidharth
SeanTBN
Super Zlatan
Pepin
Hasselbaink
Triggerlips

Sturridge (c) was the reason I benched myself.
I am totally confused by what I want out of this.

😐

NZ XI to play England:

Innsie
Ryan
Beric
Milanista
KiwiBug
NickOfOz
Grubs
Gloria Kanchelskis
SAB
Sporting
Zasa

And talk about strength in depth, how's this for a bench?

Christina
Epic Fail
Walsh
Zan Keroski

Good luck England...

...you'll need it.

Pick 3 to start:

Terry (qpr)
Vertonghen (AVL)
Alderweireld (HUL)
Dawson (LEI)
van Aanholt (CPL)

I sit there almost motionless. Hardly able to move. ‘Austin …’ I mumble ‘ …Benteke … Ginkapo!!!’
Visions spin across my field of view. Form and deforming in front of my eyes. Dancing in unison and laughing at me in their ethereal shapes. A skeleton, a monkey and whatever the hell Eunuch Jelly is supposed to be.
The fever has gripped me hard. My Kane captaincy poisoned by a staunch Burnley defense. What sorcery is this? Burnley aren’t supposed to be good.
Brave Cheeseoid loyally tends to me, wiping sweat from my brow. ‘What shall we do my lord?’ he asks.
‘Austin ….Benteke …’ I whisper.
‘That was last week, my lord’ Cheeseoid responds.
‘It doesn’t feel like last week. It seems like only yesterday our forces were buoyant and jovial, eagerly awaiting the enemy to cut them down. We were zealous and overconfident and because of that we were careless. Recklessly not captaining our double gameweekers.
‘Hutton?!’ I scream
‘One point, my lord’ Cheeseoid patiently replies again.

How can that be? One point? But he had two games! The visions float across my eyes again. Bellerin cutting in from the right, Puncheon on the left, and the plastic seating on which they sit, mocking Hutton from our bench.

The colours dances before me. Shapes twisting before my eyes. An orange cat, Toy Keane with a poor ginger beard. Those cursed Jaffa Cakes.

Suddenly, I sit bolt upright in the bed. A moment of clarity in a week of insanity. I’ve had an epiphany. ‘The sheet!’ I yell. ;Bring me the sheet’

‘What my lord?’ asks a puzzled Cheeseoid.
‘Bring me the teamsheet!’ I bark
Cheeseoid rushes to find a quill and parchment. I don’t know why he doesn’t just use the spreadsheet like everyone else, but he finds it easier this way.

I see it all so clearly now. The visions were a gift, not a curse. I know what we must do …

Team UAE presser to come. #sandstorm

I notice the fact Innsie is resting Christina for the greater challenges ahead is causing some confusion in the England camp.

I can reveal the thinking behind this radical move was purely out of sympathy for our English chums. He recognized it was many years since England won the first match of a cricket series and therefore they were bound to be in a state of shock. Rather than exploiting a vulnerable opponent he resolved to go easy on them. The sort of mashing Christina would have dealt to the hapless English bowlers would have been too much for them to bear and would have undoubtedly sent English cricket back into the dark ages.

#sympathyforengland

Rumours emerging that Christina has been benched after calling Innsie, Inssie

All team sheets accounted for.

Matchday 2. Let's do this.

Melbourne, Australia :

It was a calm summer morning. A gentle breeze danced its away through Blue Lion's mane. Perhaps the calmness that comes before a storm, he thought. He was seated still on a rock overlooking the practise ground. Team India were in full action mode. Captains PoP and La Roja busy barking orders.

There was a Lone Pine right next to the rock. Its open arms providing solace to the inhabitant below it.The setting was apt. Blue Lion was still reeling from the heavy defeat he had endured at the hands of Pakistan. He even got the $hite manager award. But nobody knew of the horror that had led to the squad selection. He was an ally they said. He was a vet they never said. He should have known something was funny, when Vets called him out for a friendly walk right before the squad selection. It was just an ant bite he said, holding that monstorous needle behind his back, the drops stuck out like venom on a fang. He was surprised when he got the squad conformation mail the next morning. He had no memory of it. It was all a clevertrap,now he knew. Those kind eyes hid the monster behind them. That monster! That vet! He had made him go to the deepest realms of sleep. Brain washed him. Tricked him. Sucked out all our tactics. Advised him to bench Meerlight. That vermin!

The chirping of a Monarch Flyeater on a Aborginal Scar Tree snapped him out of his hypnotic fury. The bird seemed to be mocking him. The Aborginal scar reminded him of his next opponent. The Monkey Army. Ginkapo the wise they called him. He was the oldest and wisest around. But the truth unkown to even the monkey was that Blue Lion knew him well, very well. He went to the depths of his Pandora's box of memories to retrieve that moment. A memory even before that of when his fur started turning blue. He knew how to beat the monkey. The circle of life would now be complete.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lXjI2kuNkhE/maxresdefault.jpg

It was time. He knew exactly what to do.

Rumour has it the Scottish have got pictures of Daniel O'Donnell, Bono and Louis feckin Walsh pinned on a dart board whilst listening to Scotland the brave being played on bagpipes in preparation for their match with Sri Lanka..... they realise that they are Irish, not Sri Lankan but they don't dislike anyone on the SL team and need to get their blood pumping before this crucial second round match.

FREEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDOOOOOMMMM

http://youtu.be/vBKBI7DOLHA

Come on you Ba$tards let's be avin ya

Start Phillips or McAuley?

Inssie, so you benched me after I gave you a medical certificate from Mrs Christina confirming the rash is not contagious and after I promised you I would shower separate from you lot....

😕

Right, let me talk to you people about Thomass for a minute. I'm sure you all read his pressers and think that, in a world of fake pressers that are intended to be humorous or ironic, they seem like, well, like an anodyne fake press release that is just a little juvenile. Think again. I'm here to tell you that you only see what he wants you to see. This SA team is a seething cauldron of fragile and thrusting egos, and it's all Thomass can do to keep it from ripping itself apart through centrifugal waywardness and conflict. Gink, as you know, is a hyper-focused FPL control-freak who is more wound up than Lindsay Lohan's tights on the floor of a limo; Bonz cannot keep away from the women and the rocky-road ice cream; Adam West will drop everything at a moment's notice in his quixotic search for his very own Burt Ward. You must understand what Thomass is trying to deal with.

You all can imagine what our clubhouse is like with ENR flouncing about like a pixie making gnomic pronouncements and then disappearing with a Cheshire grin. Toonzie pops in from time to time with cryptic veteran advice, and the rest of the gang whirrs around doing jell-o shots and ordering in hookers while I heroically hold forth with lectures on political correctness that nobody will listen to. This team seethes with talent and madness and bloody-minded, self-regarding banality. Somebody must curb the destructive entropy of this toxic but potentially potent concoction.

That's where Thomass comes in. But for his persistently drab press releases the pack of journalistic hounds would descend on this wayward melange like Jonty on an off-colour remark. This roadhouse full of made-for-reality-TV weirdos would furnish many a juicy tabloid headline (pedalos, trust me, are the least of our worries) if Thomass gave them even half a sniff. But no. Thomass feeds them the basest pablum, ensuring that they slouch off to their editors with the weakest, most wearisome narratives a benighted public could wish for.

When you find yourself wanting more from a Thomass presser, just remember that the South Africa team could not possibly sustain its considerable success without being allowed to indulge the bizarre idiosyncracies of its members without around-the-clock media scrutiny. We know whom we represent.

#ProteaFire

Rumour has it members of the Sri Lankan team are making changes to their teams post submission.

There's even been potential transfers missed out on because of price rises.

Are the cracks starting to show? Nevermind, it's only Scotland....

Flies danced around the remnants of a possum carcus as we peered about in the gloom at the wilderness we were in. It was impossible to tell from the remains what had caused the poor creature's death. Why had the gaffer brought us here? Australia should be like home, it had the heat and the sand, yet this place was different - and not just because we had left the comfort of our air conditioned sports cars. This was bush country and the South Africans had adapted quicker than us. Defeat had hit the gaffer hard. His first reaction was to buy something. Anything.

We had stopped at the first set of shops we came to outside of the ground. The storekeeper, a round fellow with glasses and a cheery demeanor, greeted the gaffer, introduced himself as Harold and invited the boss inside. We waited, idling our engines in case the last of the V8 Interceptors should pass by and we had to give chase. Heaven knows what went on in that store, but the gaffer came out carrying an orange cat.

"Meet Toy Keane," the gaffer said holding the kitty out to Scab, but he got no reply. Scab had seen what was in his otherhand... Jaffa Cakes. We saw it too. What magic had bewitched the boss, we wondered silently. "We ride," the gaffer said without further ado. We fired up our sports cars and followed the gaffer into the bush. We would follow him anywhere, even if he was carrying Jaffa Cakes.

The cars were behind us now. We'd been walking the bush on foot when the gaffer became delirious. He kept muttering words like "Austin" and "Benteke". We found an old abandon farmstead and took up residence. Our captain laid the gaffer on the bed. He took out one of his quills and wrote us a few instructions before closing the door. The last thing I saw as the door shut was Toy Keane perched on the chipped paint of the window sill, quietly purring while he licked his ginger paws. Beside him were the Jaffa Cakes... half were gone.

Days passed, then, last night, there was a shout from upstairs followed by fevered scrabbling noises and the unmistakable sound of parchment being shuffled. Later, the captain called us together outside. The gaffer had a plan, he said. As we waited to find out what it was, I shifted my gaze up from the carcus to the horizon and I saw dawn break on a new day.

Lords and ladies of the gentry, Ladies and Gentlemen, peasants and paupers,

Here we are for match day 2! We believed that given last weeks results that this could now potentially be the game of the group however Innsie kindly informed us that the game of the group happened last week...so once again well played and commiserations to Australia. We wish you luck in the rest of your games.

Our scouts were working hard all week undercover to gather information on the Kiwi's. Their preparations weren't going so well we discovered and seeing as they are part of the commonwealth and technically also representing the Queen one was rather concerned that their poor form in training this week could potentially cause embarrassment to her Majesty. That simply would not be cricket so naturally we were only too keen to assist them in their preparations:

http://www.jedunazeland.cz/img/zakladni_udaje/New-Prepare-Kiwi-T-Shirt-detail.jpg

Our espionage into their training also revealed the reason why their skipper Walsh was "dropped"! We'll be kind and blame it on nerves and not ability!

http://cache3.asset-cache.net/gc/462543198-new-zealands-captain-brendon-mccullum-fails-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=GkZZ8bf5zL1ZiijUmxa7Qeo%2B7aFhos%2BMkEi4QBfHDZMxjLz%2FRWAjKGkC8rTvQ9i6oq8Sm4nx2myFuFukGJ1G3w%3D%3D

One is fully aware however that they have strength in depth and know for sure that this test will not be a "walk in the park"...we're not going to make that mistake Billy 😉

Whoever does manage to knock the other for 6 in this test will have a commanding position in group A so I wish the Kiwis the best of luck and may the best team win!

Which brings me to our team selection. We know we have to be at our best and we saw from last week that Innsie picked his side perfectly. It was one of the hardest selection processes our management has been involved with and we just hope that we've got it right and that lady luck shines on us this weekend.

Starting for the barmy army will be:

Captain Spectrum King of Spin

VC Lion Sunny Beamer

DJEnzio-Lewis-42-Method

Lion Topmandan

Over-arm-us and OUT!

Sticky wicket Wasabi 42 overs not out

Hit for Sess!

Sir Slippin and fishin

Diego Middle-offie

Monty PIEnesar

Lion Ellipsis Bow Thumb 42

Riding the pine, cheering us on and chucking silk hankies, bog roll as well as stale scones from matrons pantry will be:

Oy of the 42 overs
MrCadburysdickiebird
Half Centruy Henry
Mid-on the silly one

With the sad news of the passing of the great late Richie Benaud England will be joining New Zealand in sporting black armbands in tribute to the great man.

We wish all of you foreign rotters the very best of luck and remind our royal subjects of New Zealand to play well for her majesty!

Good luck to New Zealand and all cricketers this weekend and enjoy the action!

Is it possible someone could qualify after this weeks results

Team scotland can announce our pre match presser has been cancelled due to the press officer being banned.

Could all reporters put down the whisky and fook off

UPDATED

http://preciselyme.com/fpl/cwc

cmon scotland, if we win this we can use the win bonus to pay muppet's bail money

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/09/19/article-0-1515D5AD000005DC-539_634x423.jpg

Fashionably late and fresh from a serious intensive training session in the Aussie Outback, Team UAE are looking fit and ready for action as Team MAnager BsloeBadger enters the room to greet the press

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYdElRMVsTY

Team UAE to face Ireland is as follows:

BsloeBadger
Cheeseoid
Jawain
Diva
Mr.Grv
Turtlepower
Davies
Lambey
Moin
Holmes
Punty

Resting it out this week after hitting it too hard in the gym midweek are Scab, Costainho, GTS, BabyB

Im delighted to announce this formidable team to face Team Ireland this week. Its such to be a tough encounter with both teams looking for their first when to spark some life back into their campaigns. Best of luck to all.