‘Tis the season for much of the male population to start planning their last-minute trip to Boots to get some perfume on Christmas Eve.
Gameweek 16’s referees were clearly in the same distracted mode as they produced little disciplinary drama from two nights of midweek action.
Just the one man fell from the Suspension Tightrope, Oriol Romeu’s (4.5) booking versus Stoke meaning he misses a derby date with Bournemouth on Sunday.
In the same fixture, Marko Arnautovic (7.2) put in a 23-minute shift most notable for a studs-up liaison with Sofiane Boufal’s thigh, thus earning him a three-match suspension. He’ll now miss Stoke’s final knockings of 2016 – Leicester at home and trips to Liverpool and Chelsea.
Neither player is well owned, however – the former at 0.5% and the latter 0.8%.
They are joined on the sidelines by the 4% owned Phil Jagielka (4.9), who is set to miss the Merseyside derby after collecting two yellows in Everton’s win over Arsenal.
Of more concern for nearly all of us is the burgeoning Chelsea contingent on the rope.
With the festive schedule traditionally a time for frequent rounds of line-up chicken, having no fewer than four well-owned Chelsea assets one caution away from suspension adds even more uncertainty to a time stuffed full of it already. N’Golo Kante (4.7), Nemanja Matic (5.1), Diego Costa (10.9) and David Luiz (6.1) are the men in question.
We also believe that Pedro (7.2) is also on four yellows, though this has yet to be confirmed by the FA website – we’re seeking clarification from them before adding him to the Tightrope widget.
The Spaniard has been booked three times in the league – his last one was at Sunderland last night – but according to the BBC match reports, he was also cautioned in the Blues’ EFL Cup win over Bristol Rovers.
Chelsea’s festive fixtures involve Palace away and Bournemouth and Stoke at home before the New Year card amnesty. With Eden Hazard (10.5) carrying a knock that kept him out of Wednesday’s win at the Stadium of Light, further doubts over the league leaders’ midfield make-up for those juicy matches is the last thing we need.
A suitably bulging pre-Christmas tightrope also includes: Kyle Walker (6.1); Victor Wanyama (4.8); Jan Vertonghen (5.7); Harry Arter (5.0); Dan Gosling (4.7); Antonio Barragan (4.5); Adam Clayton (4.3); James McArthur (5.0); Aleksandar Kolarov (5.8); Robert Huth (4.9); Lynden Gooch (4.3); Ryan Shawcross (4.9); Billy Jones (4.4); Kyle Naughton (4.5); Dean Marney (4.5); Matthew Lowton (4.5); Steven Pienaar (4.9), Christian Fuchs (5.3); Jordi Amat (4.1); Miguel Britos (4.4) and Michail Antonio (6.7).
Back from one-match midweek suspensions are Antonio Valencia (5.4), Didier Ndong (4.8), Jason Puncheon (5.2), Danny Simpson (4.9), and Craig Dawson (4.8), while Dieumerci Mbokani (5.5) is finally available again after completing a three-stretch for using his head in an EFL Cup tie in entirely the wrong fashion.
The long-term lags now number just two – Man City pair Sergio Aguero (13.0), who has two more matches to miss for his Luiz lunge, and Fernandinho (5.4), who will sit out Gameweek 17 before ticking a Boxing Day trip to Hull from his sporting bucket list.
The Men In Black
It was a quiet Gameweek for the whistle-blowers, although Bobby Madley awarded his sixth spot-kick of the season to bump up his penalties per game average to 0.46.
And yet it could have been so much louder if Craig Pawson hadn’t taken the night off in the Palace v Man United match, missing the chance to blow for a penalty and send off Marcos Rojo (5.2) in an otherwise exemplary performance that involved just the two controversial offside decisions.
