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21 May 2015 839 comments
James Barnes James Barnes
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Our last look back at Gameweek 37 bring Southampton’s in-form wide man and West Brom’s resilient end to the season onto our radar. Meanwhile, the Arsenal exodus looks on the cards, with the Gunners nailed- on for third spot barring an almighty final day capitulation.

The Player

On Saturday afternoon, the 795 Fantasy Premier League (FPL) managers that shipped out Sadio Mane prior to Gameweek 37 watched on with incredulity as the Saints’ midfielder recorded the fastest ever Premier League hat-trick and bagged an assist in a 6-1 thrashing of Villa. Three bonus points inevitably followed, boosting his tally to an eye-watering 23 points.

As the campaign comes to a close, the Southampton summer signing has taken his tally to 11 strikes in just 2,153 minutes – put into perspective, his average of 195.7 minutes per goal in second only to Alexis Sanchez amongst midfielders for the season. Mane has started just 23 matches under Ronald Koeman and has incurred his manager’s wrath on more than one occasion but, as evidenced by his weekend display, his pace and composure look the deadliest of weapons for the St Mary’s outfit.

Mane’s 19% conversion rate is also highly impressive. That’s superior to Eden Hazard, Sanchez and David Silva – the top three midfielders in the FPL game. Considering that team-mate Graziano Pelle has converted a mere 10% of his opportunities, it’s clear just how crucial the Senegal international can be for Koeman’s side.

Bearing in mind that Koeman has only handed him the full 90 minutes on 14 occasions, it’s fair to say that Mane’s pitch time has plenty of room for improvement. With an average of 5.4 points per start (compared to 4.7 for the season), allied with the fact he’s played a part in 50% of his side’s goals when on the pitch, there’s a growing hope that he could be Fantasy royalty next time around.

The Team

West Bromwich Albion have recovered from a rocky patch between Gameweeks 31 and 33 – in which they conceded 10 goals in three matches – and since embarked on a five-match undefeated streak, carding three wins and four clean sheets in the process.

Crucially, those recent shut-outs have arrived against Palace, Liverpool, United and Chelsea, underlining the Baggies ability to serve up the defensive points under Tony Pulis, regardless of opponent.

Since Pulis took over at The Hawthorns, no league side has earned as many shut-outs (10) as the Baggies. Looking at the season as a whole, the West Midlanders’ 16 cleans sheets is second only to Chelsea’s 17, after they surpassed Southampton’s 15 with a 3-0 win over the Blues this Gameweek.

At the opposite end of the pitch, Sadio Berahino’s brace (two penalties) marked his first attacking returns in nine appearances on Monday, having been a popular pick prior to his dry spell by virtue of five goals in 10 starts. Chris Brunt’s good form (one goal and four assists in six starts) has also been instrumental in West Brom’s impressive run, with the Northern Irish midfielder needed just seven more points to match his highest ever tally (130) in a league campaign.

The Baggies under Pulis, though, are all about clean sheets. His departure from Palace just prior to the season’s start had deprived us of a reliable source of defensive returns but Pulis’ installation at the Hawthorns has, once again, proved a crucial weapon for Fantasy managers on the search for dependable shut-outs.

The Talking Point

After loading up on Arsenal players for their disappointing double, there’s every chance that many Fantasy managers will now be looking to part company with their misfiring Gunners assets.

Barring a catastrophic meltdown at home to West Brom on Sunday, the north London club have all but secured third spot and with the FA Cup final to think of, Arsene Wenger has admitted that rotation “is possible” as he looks to freshen up a side that’s now failed to score in each of their last three at home.

With news breaking that Chelsea’s Eden Hazard could possibly miss out this weekend after undergoing emergency dental treatment, more are now willing to even spend points for one last hurrah.

Typically at this time of season, there’s more to play for at both ends of the table, which tends to help influence our final set of trades. The last few days, however, have seen Sunderland and Villa clinch their survival, whilst City have taken second as a result of last night’s result at the Emirates.

As the curtain prepares to fall on the 2014/15, though, only two sides – Newcastle and Hull – have anything left to play for as the battle to beat the drop goes to the wire. Papiss Cisse, Nikica Jelavic and Dame N’Doye have the chance to fire their teams to safety and with all three owned by 1% or less of FPL managers, they could offer a solution to our quest for final-day differentials.

With Sergio Aguero leading the Captain Poll by some distance, those holding mini-league leads will be keen to play it safe, however, and hand the Argentine the armband. For those chasing, scouring the market for that inspired last trade, or transfers, will be the difference between success and failure.

Aside from Hull and Newcastle, we’re relying on form, rather than motivation, as our guiding influence this Sunday. Romelu Lukaku is building momentum perfectly ahead of Everton’s home clash with Spurs. Yaya Toure fired his highest haul of the season away to Swansea last week. Palace looked rampant against Liverpool and the likes of Yannick Bolasie remains very much under the radar.

Elsewhere, Diego Costa has returned from injury just in time for Chelsea’s final home match of the season. Theo Walcott could be set to benefit from Wenger’s rotation for the Gunners’ final clash and offers an alternative to those looking to cash in on their Arsenal regulars.

As mentioned in yesterday’s members article, there’s no shortage of in-form, low-owned players on the market as we approach Sunday’s deadline. Now’s the time to roll the dice.

839 Comments Login to Post a Comment
  1. Hibbopotamus
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Haz, Aldy, and Kane --> Mata, Lolarov, and Benteke (-8)? Up by 33 in main league (and 4 in other main league), second place has Benteke in both.

    1. Stats Don\'t Lie
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Do it.

  2. Scoredelario
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    I assume this week nobody will be transferring out hazard before the press conference.

    1. Stats Don\'t Lie
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Pretty much.

    2. fusen
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      No point making transfers until Saturday anyway

      1. benjen snow
        • 13 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Deadline is Sunday this weekend btw

    3. Hibbopotamus
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      For sure. Would be silly to do otherwise after what happened last week.

  3. Captain Shirokov
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    God I hope Newcastle get relegated.

    1. Defcons are for Kinnear
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Feck off

      1. Captain Shirokov
        • 14 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        😉

    2. The Nuttmxn
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Down vote.

    3. La Roja
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      I want that too. Simply because I think that is the only way Ashley would sell the club then rebuild.

      1. Licky
        • 13 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        This.

      2. Pepereina Pizza
        • 12 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        If anything, he'd keep them even longer if NUFC get relegated. He's obviously shrewd with his player dealings. Why would he sell a Championship club today, when he could wait 1 year and sell a Premiership club?

        1. Nomar
          • Fantasy Football Scout Member
          • 16 Years
          10 years, 6 months ago

          If they do get relegated I don't see them coming straight back up this time.

    4. Nomar
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 16 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      This.

      Hull at least are trying. Newcastle gave up months ago. They deserve to go down more than Hull imo.

      Would be poetic justice if Big Sam sends them down.

      1. Somalion
        • 15 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Hull obviously weren't trying that hard for the first half of the season...

        1. Nomar
          • Fantasy Football Scout Member
          • 16 Years
          10 years, 6 months ago

          Hull are down there due to talent issues.

          Newcastle are there due to players not giving a sh*t.

          Big difference.

  4. d1sable
    • Has Moderation Rights
    10 years, 6 months ago

    I reckon 4-4-2 with Bony starting this week for City

    1. JK - Cønt ⭐
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Bit off putting as far a Milner goes, but I'm going for it

      I've spent so much time bigging him up I have to do it unless he's announced as injured

      Murray still haunts me

    2. Waterboyd
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      We seriously need to test out Youth and new players on this last game. Perfect chance.

    3. Chelsea Dagger
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      hope not ... though might ensure Pelle's last game in charge

    4. PGR
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Bony(c)

    5. applebonkers
      • Has Moderation Rights
      • 16 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      is this karl saying it or you? can't take karl too seriously, sorry

  5. Defcons are for Kinnear
    • 12 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Does any Liverpool fan still have respect for Sterling?

    1. Ginkapo FPL
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      YNWA

    2. applebonkers
      • Has Moderation Rights
      • 16 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      there's a theft stereotype joke in there

    3. Licky
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      I do feel a bit sorry for him because of the sheer amount of flak he's taken, but It would seem the situation has been handled poorly by everyone, so now regardless of what really has gone on the situation is no longer salvageable. But I felt he would leave at some stage for more money and a better chance at success anyway... :/

    4. internal error
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      i do, just dont agree with the way his representatives have handled the situation badly. Liverpool are not completely guilt free though

  6. SUAREZ_MESSI_COUTINHO
    • 10 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Does anyone know which team has the best odds to get a Clean Sheet this week ?

    1. Bubz
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Chelsea id imagine

  7. ellelelle
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Hazard => Mata

    Giroud => Lukaku

    ???

    I have

    Schmeichel (Ospina)
    Ivanovic Schlupp Moreno (Trippier, PvA)
    Hazard Silva Sanchez Zaha (Henderson)
    Giroud Benteke Vardy

  8. Ibracadabra´s Spell
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Hendo, Haz and Austin to Bolasie, Silva and Benteke (-8).

    Yes or No??

    Keep someone??

  9. Red Star Toro
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Chasing 19 points, time to go punty.
    Bellerin, Caz, Kane -> Kolarov, Bolasie, Lukaku for -8?

    1. Woy of the Wovers
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Now chasing 27pts

      1. Red Star Toro
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        gotta do it somehow

  10. La Roja
    • 13 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    3 Wisdom teeth

    Feck me

    1. Waterboyd
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      hazard gon get rekt

      1. La Roja
        • 13 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Ok...

    2. Red Star Toro
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Onle one Wisdom on my bench 🙁

    3. Mr. Grv
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      cud have waited a week

      1. La Roja
        • 13 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        I know, ffs hazard

    4. applebonkers
      • Has Moderation Rights
      • 16 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      all those lollypops on holiday

      1. Mr. Grv
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        😀

  11. Mr. Grv
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    yess finally overtook ML rival 1st place feels good was 80 pts behind before 6 gws ,now im leading by 6 points but i think it is evenly matched seems like hzard injury is good for me as he has fabregas 😀

    1. La Roja
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Yea 6 pts feckin nothing, chill 🙂

      1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
        • 14 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Bit harsh, think you need to chill a little bit... I know it's the weekend and all that but relax.... Well done GRV... Always satisfying overcoming such a lead

      2. Mr. Grv
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        yup captain calls will be really important i am just happy that i came at first position 😀

        1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
          • 14 Years
          10 years, 6 months ago

          Coming first is always satisfying for you but not him/her 😉

          1. Mr. Grv
            • 11 Years
            10 years, 6 months ago

            😉

  12. applebonkers
    • Has Moderation Rights
    • 16 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    just remembered no fabregas either, time to reward van aanholt for his heroics last week with a start

    1. La Roja
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      15 pointer nailed on

    2. The Nuttmxn
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Think I'll play Pants as well.

      1. applebonkers
        • Has Moderation Rights
        • 16 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        could be great if they're reduced to pop shots from range

    3. JK - Cønt ⭐
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      yup I'm playing him over Skrtel

      gonna stick with Kasper in goal though

  13. Nomar
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 16 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Charlie Austin, England International.

    Thoroughly deserved.

    Mighty proud QPR fan today.

    1. The Nuttmxn
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      I hope he starts as well, be good to see how he does in the England set up.

    2. JK - Cønt ⭐
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Agreed, players should always be called up on form not reputation or club

      Only Kane has outscored Charlie this season amongst English strikers

      My big pre-season pick came good 😀

  14. JayBomb
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    6pts ahead in ML 1 FT what to do?

    Schmeichel
    Ivan, Koscielny, Dawson
    Haz??, Sanchez, Cazorla, Silva, Albrighton
    Vardy, Aguaro (C)

    Pants, Kane, Pva, Fonte

    Any ideas?

  15. Scotty B
    • 13 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    With a 37 point lead over my rival and having already made a transfer this week (Lescott >Morgan) shall I leave as it is or maybe upgrade someone for a -4 especially with Arsenal maybe resting players?

    Courtois

    Trippier Morgan Skrtel

    Sanchez Cazorla Siggy Silva

    Aguero Kane Giroud

    Subs: Given Rose Boyd PVA

    0.6 ITB

  16. GoonerByron
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Made a boring transfer of Moreno -> Vlaar with my 1FT.. Is there anything else worth taking a hit(s) for this week or should I just end the season on a dull note? 🙂

    Ospina
    Vlaar - Morgan - Skrtel
    Sanchez - Ozil - Silva - Coutinho
    Aguero - Benteke - Kane

    Krul - Clyne - van Aanholt - Moses

    0FT, 0.8 in the bank

  17. Aussie_Toon_Lad
    • 12 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Would you ditch ozil or Giroud?

    1. La Roja
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Get rid of Gru

    2. The Nuttmxn
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Giroud based on form.

  18. Caleb's Kitties
    • 10 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Hazard to.....
    A. Mata
    B. Toure -4

  19. Kuyt Hero
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Mata, Bolasie or Puncheon for the final GW?

    1. Holmes
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Mata out of those

    2. Moin
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Punch

  20. Baines on Toast...
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 15 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    We shouldn't underestimate Hazard.

    Jose has already said Haz wants to start every game this season.

    It's not an injury that will get worse through playing football.

    It's the final home game of his big, title-winning season.

    He has from Wednesday until Sunday to recover.

    1. Crystal
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      Unfortunately it is. He will have stitches and exercise increases the risk of infection

    2. FISSH
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      don't kid yourself

      1. Crystal
        • Fantasy Football Scout Member
        • 12 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        I had1 out last year and it was 4 days before I went for a run. Depends on how quickly the bleeding stops and the swelling goes down. Also bear in mind you can't eat solids for a few days which makes you weaker

  21. Scotty B
    • 13 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Sorry for repost...
    ith a 37 point lead over my rival and having already made a transfer this week (Lescott >Morgan) shall I leave as it is or maybe upgrade someone for a -4 especially with Arsenal maybe resting players?

    Courtois

    Trippier Morgan Skrtel

    Sanchez Cazorla Siggy Silva

    Aguero Kane Giroud

    Subs: Given Rose Boyd PVA

    0.6 ITB

  22. Red Star Toro
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    A) Bellerin, Caz, Kane -> Kolarov, Bolasie, Lukaku for -8
    B) Silva/Sanchez, Kane, Vardy -> Bolasie, Lukaku, Tekkers for -8
    C) Kane, Hendo -> Bolasie, Lukaku for -4

    1. Holmes
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      C

  23. Pompel
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    For final punt ship

    A) Ramsey - might be rested

    B) Giroud - might be rested, no form

    C) Sanchez - might be rested, but always capable of returns

    D) Henderson - sure to play, playing away and Liverpool completely lost it

    1. FISSH
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      A or B

      1. Pompel
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Thanks, currently leaning towards A myself.

    2. Hyperion
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      I had the misfortune of being at the match last night and I would advise against any Arsenal players tbh. They look like they're saving themselves for the cup final and/or are knackered. Giroud was more or less invisible, Sanchez kept cutting inside and running into traffic, Wilshere played a couple of nice balls over the top but doesn't look match fit. The only two that looked remotely threatening in terms of scoring were Ramsey and Walcott when he came on. WBA will play in exactly the same way as Sunderland so it could be another frustrating game.

      1. Pompel
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Thanks - just about finding out who of them to ship, really. Problem is Ramsey in best form, bu maybe most likely to get rested?

        1. Hyperion
          • 14 Years
          10 years, 6 months ago

          It's possible for any of them. Giroud seems least likely to be rested but most likely to blank if he does play. It's really a complete toss-up between the three, I would make the decision based on who you can get in return tbh.

  24. amadieu
    • 10 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    So I have a 75point lead in one ML and 79point lead in another. Never been in this position before. My best season ever yet, and i believe it is down to Silva (c) in December.

    Question: What is the biggest comeback you have ever made in a single gameweek, or that you have ever come across? I read Rough with the Smooth and 51points on the bench could almost overturn that deficit..

    I thought to make 2 punts if I felt my MLs were wrapped up, but still fidgety at the moment. I still have the monthly bonus for May where I need to claw back 7 points, no thanks to Sunderland's resolve and my Monreal punt.

    1. Trigg ⭐️
      • 13 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      You're safe. 100%.

      1. amadieu
        • 10 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Thanks! haha. i think i worry too much.

        Am thinking of a punt, like AYoung (c). gtg?

  25. Collar On or Kolarov
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Lads -- need some help here this GW. Need to get rid of that shambolic Wickham punt and possibly lose a Southampton defender for -4.

    Current lineup:

    Mignolet
    Ivanovic Skrtel Clyne
    Boyd Silva Carzola Sanchez Hendo
    Giroud Aguero

    Bench: Pantilimon, Alderweireld, Van Aanholt, Wickham

    Was thinking Wickham ---> Berahino, Perez or Ulloa/Vardy
    and potentially Alderweirld ---> Rose or Morgan

    Thoughts?

  26. Moin
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 12 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    I have had operations to remove 2 of my Wisdom tooth, I highly doubt he will be able to train for the next 2 days...

    1. applebonkers
      • Has Moderation Rights
      • 16 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      i think we'll get a definitive answer by the weekend so although useful we're probbaly all wasting our energy

  27. PURPLE-RONNIE
    • 10 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Pants
    Terry vlarr schlupp
    Ozil cambiasso sanchez Haz
    Giroud Kane aguero

    1FT 1.4 in bank

    Ranked 1.2k any chance I could break top 1k?

  28. iCon
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    Off-topic:

    Anyone ever used a crowd called eDreams for booking flights?

    My Father-in-law just thought he booked flights on Ryanair website when it was in fact on eDreams' website. You'd think the fact his flights were with Iberia and included a stop over in Madrid might have caused him some concern, but no I get a call enquiring as to why stupid Ryanair have booked him a flight with Iberia and making him stop over in Madrid! Of course it's "typical Ryanair" behaviour, nit his own idiocy...

    1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      DO NOT DO IT...

      1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
        • 14 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Will expand

        1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
          • 14 Years
          10 years, 6 months ago

          They are con artists..... They basically offer you cheap deals then say there is a problem with one of the flights so you have to rebook at a higher cost....

          I am just praying my flights aren't sold to someone else in the summer as googled them and they have been known to sell the flight you have bought to someone else and also take money from your bank account without authorization.....

          If he has booked it he is stuck...

          1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
            • 14 Years
            10 years, 6 months ago

            Tell,him not to bother calling them as well as its a ridiculous charge per minute and they keep fobbing you off to earn yet more money....

            1. iCon
              • Fantasy Football Scout Member
              • 14 Years
              10 years, 6 months ago

              Cheers for that mate. He's supposedly flying Monday, so hopefully it works out; not that he deserves it for his pure stupidity!

              1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
                • 14 Years
                10 years, 6 months ago

                Let me know how it goes.... They basically feck it up on purpose so that you have to spend more money calling the and rebooking flights...

                I am praying I get my flights as am on a disney cruise with the family in the summer and if they feck it up I could miss the boat, quite literally which would cost me 5K

                1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
                  • 14 Years
                  10 years, 6 months ago

                  How they feck they are still,Llowes to get away with it is beyond me...

                  Tell him not to bother calling.... It really won't make a blind bit of difference....

                  1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
                    • 14 Years
                    10 years, 6 months ago

                    *allowed

                    1. iCon
                      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
                      • 14 Years
                      10 years, 6 months ago

                      Cheers mate, hope yours works out ok!

      2. iCon
        • Fantasy Football Scout Member
        • 14 Years
        10 years, 6 months ago

        Too late, the old f*cktard has already done it; has a booking ref. but no confirmetion e-mail!

        1. Old Schoolᴼˢ “disa…
          • 14 Years
          10 years, 6 months ago

          Two choices

          1) just accept the mistake and pray they don't sell the tickets and steal money.. I would recommend he call his bank and block them.... Some horror stories on the Internet so that's what I did...

          2) book another flight and put it down to experience.

    2. Kings of Lyon ★
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 6 months ago

      I always use Skyscanner to be redirected to the best price no hassle with any of the suppliers

  29. Trigg ⭐️
    • 13 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Wisdom-tooth-removal/Pages/Recovery.aspx

    Avoid exercise for a few days ...

  30. Mr. Grv
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 6 months ago

    If you donot have anything to do read this

    Open letter from Gareth Bale to Real Madrid boo-boys

    Dear [faux] Madridistas,
    My name is Gareth Bale. After six years in a Levy-ish island named Tottenham Hotspur, I came to Real Madrid with one goal: to become like Cristiano Ronaldo. But not only have I failed to do what I came for and make SterlingOliver Queen proud, I have also incurred your wrath.
    I knew that joining Real Madrid was a risk – that it was the greatest club in the world and the fans were more demanding than kidnappers asking for ransom. But I thought I would make it because I believed in my ability.
    My first season was great. I scored both of the winning goals in the Champions League and Copa Del Rey finals (Marc Bartra is still running, by the way). Everyone – including me – thought that the second season would be even better for this time I had a proper pre-season.
    But during the season break, something happened. An obsession placed its seed within me and it just grew to become a large tree.
    Seeing Cristiano Ronaldo everyday made me realize how weak my body is compared to him. Since I joined the club to be like him, it was necessary for me to add muscle weight to my body. So I started working out like your usual WWE star.
    I used to eat, sleep and work out – that became my life. And by the time the season started, I had transformed from Dr. Hank McCoy to Beast. Or at least I thought I did.
    Bale
    But as it turned out, I lost acceleration and I actually turned from the Flash to the Beast.
    The season started very well for us and everything was going fine. Then the bad juju of 2015 struck us and my form dropped drastically. To be honest, I was never comfortable playing on the right. I need space to run at and playing on the right doesn’t give me that.
    Out of compassion for the birds, I built them a nest on my head (my current hairdo) and even that became a topic of discussion among you people – so much that you people are actually blaming that for my form. How stupid can you guys be?
    At Spurs, I was the one to whom my team-mates passed the most to. Here, all the guys do is pass to Cristiano, as if he is the only one that exists and the rest are just there to fill the spaces. It’s always him taking up most of the free-kicks, even though it is clearly evident that he has lost his set piece touch.
    As if this much wasn’t enough, you guys whistle me more than you whistle Barca players. Sometimes I wonder whether all Real Madrid fans are referees in disguise. When I scored the winning goals in the Copa and the Champions League final, none of you chanted my name – but when I have a bad game, you don’t waste a second to make it known. There is not a single greater example of ungratefulness than this – except, may be, the personality of players who leave their boyhood club for money.
    When Isco pulls off a mazy dribble past an opponent, you chant his name – and if I win the Nobel Prize, you will still boo because it wasn’t the Ballon d’Or. I just don’t get it. Manchester United are dying to sign me despite my poor season. And I think I will go there – at least their fans aren’t THAT insensible.
    I know that the great Zinedine Zidane wasn’t spared by you. Heck, even a club legend like Iker Casillas isn’t being spared by you folks. Honestly, you guys don’t deserve great players – you deserve fakes like Julien Faubert and Royston Drenthe.
    Anyways, I am not sure why I bothered to write this letter to you all. Firstly, most of you won’t understand the language. Secondly, even if you do, you will probably just boo me more after reading this because you guys think that whistling – and not cheering – is the right you earn with the ticket you buy.
    P.S – My agent is working out a deal with United. De Gea and some cash in exchange for me. They are willing to let go of De Gea – that’s how much they want me.
    P.P.S. – Turns out that De Gea has rejected to join Real Madrid after reading these four reasons why he shouldn’t join Madrid – and guess what the top reason is?
    Yours not-so-sincerely,
    Gareth Frank Bale.
    Disclaimer: This article is a work of fiction and has nothing to do with reality. This is meant for humour and humour only.