[sbu_large_image] Preamble
12 December 2015 1837 comments
Mark Mark
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It’s difficult to embarrass yourself as a Fantasy Football manager.

There’s no real opportunity to headbutt a player on the touchline, burst into song during a press conference or publicly liken a journalist to an ostrich.

However, it’s far from impossible. I’ve gone and proved it.

Just 12 hours ago, I demonstrated some simple steps that illustrate just how a Fantasy Football manager can humiliate themselves in the space of a few mouse clicks.

Notebooks out – here’s how I “managed” it…

It was a rare evening out in London, away from the family. Pushed for time and hurried by the prospect of missing an overnight price rise, I quickly flipped open the laptop in a Soho coffee shop to make my Gameweek transfer.

I was meeting a friend (a barely maintained relationship) and a late night beckoned. I couldn’t trust myself to wait: with my brain and fingers likely to be dulled by alcohol, I didn’t fancy fumbling with the mobile to make a midnight transfer. I had to act now.

The steps were simple – Toby Alderwerield was the target, with Jeffrey Schlupp shown the door.

I’d left it to the last possible moment, patiently waiting on the Belgian to come through Tottenham’s Europa League tie unscathed. There was no confirmed Friday team news from Pochettino, but I couldn’t wait any longer.

It only took a few seconds. Bang. Done.

Then came the horror.

Two clicks and the screen refreshed. Jeffrey Schlupp was still on my bench. My eyes had been blinded by the blue shirts and I’d mistakenly swapped out Kurt Zouma.

The next fifteen seconds saw me frantically click the back button in disbelief that I’d actually confirmed my transfer. My attempts to rescue the situation were, not surprisingly, futile.

There then followed the blind panic. For a moment I actually thought about scribing a pleading email to the Fantasy Premier League to explain my mistake. Like that actually would help reverse the situation.

Ten seconds later, I simply transferred out Schlupp and brought back Zouma. I’d corrected the error. Or made matters worse.

I hadn’t even entertained the idea that perhaps I should leave Schlupp and ponder the situation and my remaining free transfer further. I just couldn’t stand the prospect of Jeffrey staring at me from my bench.

It was one ridiculous mistake, probably followed by another.

If Toby Alderweireld blanks or gets sent off and Schlupp starts and scores, this chain of events is going to haunt me.

Then again, if you look at my squad in the aftermath, nobody can tell. I’ve covered my tracks. Only those who bother to delve into my transfer history will realise the true nature of my blunder.

I’ll have to live with it, but, once I’d smashed my own face into a wall with frustration a few times, I felt fine. A few pints of overpriced London lager helped me sleep.

This morning, nobody can shame me. It’s my little stupid secret.

Mark Mark created the beast. He's now looking to tame it.

1,837 Comments Login to Post a Comment
  1. Stats Don\'t Lie
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Dawson or McAuley?

    1. Davido989
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Dawson

      1. Venom Snake
        • 12 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        This

  2. Joga Bonito®
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Having a nice settled team is nice but it makes Saturday mornings pretty dull 🙁

    1. Davido989
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Agreed

      1. Joga Bonito®
        • Fantasy Football Scout Member
        • 14 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        What's yours look like?

        1. Davido989
          • 15 Years
          10 years, 7 months ago

          Pretty ugly..

          Ddg
          Bellers Toby Moreno
          Silva Firmino Ozil Mahrez
          Lukaku Vardy Kane

          McCarthy, Lanzini, Nyom , Wlliams

          Yourself?

        2. Jernau M Gurgeh
          • 16 Years
          10 years, 7 months ago

          inches or cms??

  3. For Fuchs Sake
    • 16 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Coleman or Alli first sub??

    1. Joga Bonito®
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Alli.

    2. kennethrhcp
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      good team if they're your subs!!!

      1. Odikostar
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        This

      2. For Fuchs Sake
        • 16 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        Yeah, WC helped 😉

  4. Ravager
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Butland (Schmeichel )
    Kolarov Bellerin Moreno (VvD, Saylor)
    KDB Ozil Mahrez (Ayew, Wanyama)
    Vardy Lukaku (c) Ighalo

    6.2 ITB, 1 FT

    Ighalo's fixtures turn after this. Should I do
    A. Ighalo > Kane (c)?
    B. Ayew > Ramsey/Silva?
    C. Other

  5. Davido989
    • 15 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    I just farted.

      • 12 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Wet?

      1. Davido989
        • 15 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        I'll have to check the bed sheets

        Btw, I haven't seen a leaked team yet

          • 12 Years
          10 years, 7 months ago

          Ta. I've decided against Couts this week.

          Mahrez
          or
          Coutinho(-4) Mahrez benched.

          I have no Vardy so staying sensible.

          1. Davido989
            • 15 Years
            10 years, 7 months ago

            I'd do the same thing. Mahrez benched is burning a few

    1. Epic Fail
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Baps?

      1. Davido989
        • 15 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        3

  6. Ian Davis
    • 16 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    I need to pick 3 from Bellerin/Kolarov/Moreno/Alder

    Who to bench??

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Moreno

    2. Del Griffith
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Bellend

    3. KipperBRT
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Play them all!

      1. Ian Davis
        • 16 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        I can't, no benchable mids or strikers..

        1. KipperBRT
          • Fantasy Football Scout Member
          • 12 Years
          10 years, 7 months ago

          Okay. I've got the same back four conundrum so have just decided to bench Vardy.

  7. goodday there mate
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Cout KDB Deulofeu Mahrez Ozil
    Vardy Ighalo (Aguero)

    A) Aguero > Kane
    B) Aguero > Lukaku
    C) Save FT. Avoid benching headache ...

    Answer me u sexy bastards (got all different answers last time i asked :s)

    1. Davido989
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      A. Bench deulo

    2. Joga Bonito®
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Lukaku is the best choice but I wouldn't want to double up on Everton... Maybe Kane.

      Or get Lukaku and then upgrade Deulofeu next week.

  8. kennethrhcp
    • 15 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    so sorry to request help this late on... 1 to start:

    A: Huth (CHE)
    B: Evans (liv)
    C: B.Davies (NEW)

    massive gamble if C as could be a 2min cameo

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      B

    2. Nespinha
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      evans

    3. kennethrhcp
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      thanks lads, really couldn't decide

  9. Nespinha
    • 10 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Who to play today:

    A) Ayoze
    B) Scott Sinclair

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      A

    2. kennethrhcp
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      A

  10. Snapes on a Plane
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Vardy to Giroud for free?

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      No

  11. For Fuchs Sake
    • 16 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Kane fixture over Lukaku form?

    1. Epic Fail
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Both

      1. For Fuchs Sake
        • 16 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        For captain I meant

  12. Jubilanus / BSC Small Boys …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 15 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    This Kdb resting thing - how strong is it?

    1. Del Griffith
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      who said that?

    2. Colonel Shoe 肝池
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      can bench 90Kg

      1. Epic Fail
        • 15 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        KDB bench?

        *Transfers out*

  13. Worzel Gummidge
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Start Cedric or Nyom.

    1. Elijah's Wood
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Nyom

  14. The Rock
    • 17 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Bench Deulofeu or Vardy?

    1. Epic Fail
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      A

  15. For Fuchs Sake
    • 16 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    The way Norwich played against Arsenal, it could be tricky for Everton get a few

    1. Colonel Shoe 肝池
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      everton play a different way to arse tho

  16. The Man Pastore
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Am i G2G? Bench in order?

    Butland
    Kolarov l Souare l Moreno
    Silva(VC) l Marhez l Hazard l Coutinho
    Lukaku l Giroud l Kane(C)

    Bench: Hennessey l Gosling l Bertrand l Dawson

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Swap Bertrand and Dawson.

  17. Jubilanus / BSC Small Boys …
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 15 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Was gonna play all out attack so with kdb rested maybe I'm thinking against it.

    1. Epic Fail
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Oh

    2. The Bandit
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Not a chance he will be benched

    3. Del Griffith
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      we'll see about that KDB rested thing

  18. UKG
    • 15 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Kane in for free and captain feels good this week.

    Benching Firmino doesn't....

  19. oghash
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Tea, preamble, footy focus then the first game. Nice little routine these days.

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Sounds great.

  20. Davido989
    • 15 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    If Spurs vs Newcastle was 12:45 today and Norwich vs Everton was 4pm tomorrow, we'd be captaining Lukaku

    Illuminati confirmed

    1. Sz21
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Absolutely..

  21. jackluhg
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Start DDG or Butland?

    1. Iceball
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      DDG probably (but I have Butland and useless Schmeichel)

    2. Doosra - ☭DeclanMyGenius…
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 16 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Have you no shame? 😀

      De Gea. Obviously. 😉

  22. Ravager
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Butland (Schmeichel )
    Kolarov Bellerin Moreno (VvD, Saylor)
    KDB Ozil Mahrez (Ayew, Wanyama)
    Vardy Lukaku (c) Ighalo

    6.2 ITB, 1 FT

    A. Ighalo > Kane since his fixtures turn
    B. Ayew> Coutinho
    C. Other?

  23. Doosra - ☭DeclanMyGenius…
    • Fantasy Football Scout Member
    • 16 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    😆 The Saga of Jeffrey Schlupp continues ... 😉

    Who am I to talk? I still have Williams - down again last night ...

    1. Reddonkeyham 42
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Who you changed this week?

      1. Doosra - ☭DeclanMyGenius…
        • Fantasy Football Scout Member
        • 16 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        Mané to Mahrez
        Lanzini to Sterling, - 4.

    2. oghash
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      He's being punished for refusing to sign for us this season.

  24. Hypnos
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Bench Deulofeu or Vardy?

    1. Iceball
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Deu

  25. Gr3g
    • 14 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Should I keep Pedro or sell him for -4 Silva?
    Not sure if he is going to start, and please don't ask why I bought him in first place, haha

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Sell

    2. Del Griffith
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      You still have Pedro? Holy feck get rid now

  26. Venom Snake
    • 12 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Who's more likely to keep a CS, west ham or saints?

    1. Buck The Trent
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      ham

    2. Del Griffith
      • 14 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      West HAm

    3. Doosra - ☭DeclanMyGenius…
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 16 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      We are.

      1. Venom Snake
        • 12 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        Thanks gents. Ogbonna it is then

  27. tattwelshie
    • 10 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Mahrez or Deulofeu?

    1. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Mahrez

      1. tattwelshie
        • 10 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        Yeah im edging towards that, cheers and good luck 🙂

  28. Elijah's Wood
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Which is a better pick, Giroud or Kane?

    1. Yankee Toffee
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Kane

      1. Elijah's Wood
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        I do love Howard's beard

    2. King Kav. QC at law
      • 10 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      I need to know this too.

    3. Iceball
      • Fantasy Football Scout Member
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      I would captain Giroud if I had him (but my captain Ramsey) Arsneal score at least 3, I can see Spurs 1-2 goals though

      1. Elijah's Wood
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        I already have Ramsey if that helps? Maybe spread the damage seeing as i have no Spurs attackers

  29. Ten Season Wonder
    • 12 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    prediction for Palace v Saints?

    1. Yankee Toffee
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      2-1 Bolassie with a late winner

    2. GENERATION X
      • 12 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      one each zaha and davis wll do please. this fixture at least helped my subbing of mane and dann

  30. Slam
    • 11 Years
    10 years, 7 months ago

    Barkley Barkley Barkley!
    🙂

    1. Epic Fail
      • 15 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      Barkley

      1. Iceball
        • Fantasy Football Scout Member
        • 11 Years
        10 years, 7 months ago

        +1

    2. Yankee Toffee
      • 11 Years
      10 years, 7 months ago

      I'm benching him... 🙁