The FPL Gods struck early in Matchday 12, first dashing our hopes of DGW glory, and then exacerbating the pain by forcing us to look at the Watford assets stinking up our squads for the next two and a half weeks. However, this party is not yet over, and In a change to advertised viewing, our pundits have gathered to try to make sense of the carnage so far, assign blame, and assess whether any of the half-time scores can be overturned.
THE RESULTS ARE NOT QUITE IN …
Footstock Alumni 2-1 Krul Intentions
Suvansh’s crew struck early in the H2Hs, but have work to do in the Squad match where the Alumni have 25 pts and an extra King(c) to come. Assuming the Watford front line continues to disappoint, Krul Intentions will hope that their extra consumption of Fosters, and an autosubs edge, can close the gap; but a draw is probably the best they can hope for.
Shot to the Hart and Yorke to blame 1-0 Shearer’s bunch of Flowers
It’s clean sheets all around in the H2Hs, but Shot to the Hart must surely add to their lead in the Squad match due to their overwhelming King differential, and their foresight in swerving Dennis. Maybe another red card would do it, but the Fat Lady is already well into her second verse.
Son of a Gunn 0-3 Jimmy Floyd Hamsterbaink
The Hamsters will notch at least two goals in the H2Hs, but Son of a Gunn will be bringing five extra Kings to the Squad shoot-out. Will this be enough to close a 13 pt gap and start a comeback? It’s Watford, but who knows?
Hanging by a Fred 4-1 Catch me if U Kane
The Freds should hang on to this one thanks to their edge in the H2Hs, and a King haul would make it comfortable. The best the Kanes can hope for is a 2-1 deficit going into the Squad match, and while it’s close (366-360), the differentials don’t favour a catch-up.
The Hairy Henry 3-2 Carroll’s Christmas Island
The Hairy Henry look good for two goals in the H2Hs, and will hold the Carrols to one if Foster is a no-show or scores at least 4pts. The Carrols also lack the differentials to make up a 25 pt gap in the Squad match, so I’m calling this one for the Gallic Maestro.
No Fuchs Given 0-5 Too Krul for Siu
No jeopardy here, with Too Krul for Siu laying on the pain to the tune of a 72 pt lead in the Squad match, and an extra goal from the H2Hs. The league leaders are probably too busy playing Wordle to care.
Bachmann and Robben 1-1 Hey MaccaReina!
Nothing is decided yet, but the Caped Crusaders are doing their best to punish the Mods and Cons for their dubious musical taste. Bachmann and Robben will score in the H2Hs provided Foster doesn’t outscore King by 9pts; and will keep a clean sheet if King doesn’t outscore Foster/DDG by 3pts. The Squad match is very tight (354-358), but our Superheroes have the differentials loaded in their utility belts to win the day.
Defoe King Unbelievables 2-0 The Rooney Tunes
The Defoe Kings will believe they have this one in the bag, and with good reason, as a 1-0 win in the H2Hs is already wired in, and they have a 29 pt lead in the Squad match. But hold on, those five extra Kings in the Rooney Tunes team might yet make a difference.
The Nameless Ones 2-1 Hwang King in a Greenwood
The Hwang Kings deserve credit for being the only team to select the top performing DGW player to date, but they’ll need help from a higher authority than Pope to turn this one around. Their goal in the H2Hs is guaranteed, but the Nameless Ones will equalise if King hauls. Linbee’s crew also have McNeil plus a 21 pt lead in the Squad match, so the Hwang Kings will need Pope to come again, and for King, Pedro, and Brownhill to join the party. Could be quite a climax.
Lloris the Hounds 0-1 Flying without Ings
It’s a deadlock in the H2Hs, and very tight in the Squad match (343-345), but Lloris the Hounds have 26 pts in autosubs, plus six extra Kings to come; so it looks like another crash landing for Flying without Ings.
Toxic Seaman 1-3 Free Britney’s Areola
Its all to play for in the WhatsApp derby. Both teams have opportunities to score in the H2Hs: Toxic Seaman will be hoping that 9pts is enough to outscore King and Foster/DDG; whereas the Britneys need the same differential to deliver less than 18pts. Notwithstanding the likely bounce in the H2Hs, the Britneys are more exposed in the Squad match, with their 12 pt lead (plus another 11 pts from autosubs) having to fend off 6xKing, 6xFoster, Lowton and Pedro. Greyhead will be scenting victory.
Fantastic Mr Fox 4-1 Ayew Lonesome Tonight
With a 2-1 edge already secured in the H2Hs, the Foxes are well on their way; and with a 28 pt lead, plus a massive King differential to come in the Squad match, it is just a question of how many.
For those that can bear to look, the details are available in Boris’ spreadsheet, which has been cleared by Sue Gray and the Met.
SKLW – Live scores & League tables – Google Sheets
Tune in next week, when the full consequences of our actions will be known, Salah will be back and the latest variant of DGW fever will be in full flow.
