I fought to suppress a rising tide of bile and panic as I forced my eyes to rest, one after another, on the huddled, crimson forms strewn around the shattered bodega. El Capitano Daas had told me it was a bad one; that the cartels and their sleaziest strongman, Il Seppo Grande, had called a new tune, and that the time had come to dance in earnest.

Daas had sent me here on my own while he reached out to the one man we feared almost as much as the cartels themselves, whom we knew by only one name: Zombie. Nobody knew what agency he worked for or where he came from, but every kind of law-enforcement on this side of the drug war knew him as a relentless and single-minded eater of cartel flesh. Meanwhile, I was here to meet some other new recruits, and explain to them what had happened here.

So what had happened? Picking through the charnel-house that was once a scene of convivial dissipation I found the first identifiable corpse, lying in a pool of haemorrhaged points: Ivanović. Of course there had been a target on his back for weeks but that didn’t make it any prettier smeared on my Derby brogues. Supine nearby were Pedro and Fabregas, again no surprise, but what caught my eye was a blood-soaked business card left on one of the meat-sacks: the unmistakable hammer and sickle. No longer an official symbol of the Russian Federation, it could only mean that we had been served by General Scabikov and his ex-KGB thugs.

But of course it didn’t end there. A gore-spattered Swiss Army knife jutting from the base of Daniel Sturridge’s skull announced the arrival of Diva and his ruthless Zürichdeutsch, carrying on the shameful tradition of Swiss murder-for-hire. A played-out roach with the girth of a cigar jammed in Raheem Sterling’s nostril (that hatty was too little too late) meant LateRiser and his Jamaican dred-heads were in on the lark; it even looked like Jock MacTerry’s Dug had hiked his leg on the hole where Martial’s torso used to be.

The one that threw me at first was what looked like a picture of Amy Winehouse, wedged into one of the violated orifices of Romelu Lukaku. It didn’t really look like her at first, but then I recognized the unmistakable coif of the “Dear Leader,” and I knew that Kim Pong Pinkfish had been.

A noise disturbed my reverie and I turned to see three figures filing in through what was left of the Bodega doorway. “Órale vato!” The voice was that of the one known as “the 12th Amigo,” one of the mercenaries I was waiting for. “Boys, I want you to meet El Eunuco Jalea! He’s a badass, trust me, even though nobody knows why he’s named after a wobbly spread with no balls. Jalea, meet Sjaugen and Raddy. Daas said you Federales needed some outside muscle, and take it from me, we don’t need no stinking badges!”

I knew all of these guys by reputation. These were our own kind of mercenaries: ice-cold killers with an abiding respect for abstinence from drugs, and the conviction that one should only get rich by exploiting people’s dependence on legal and taxable addictive substances like e-cigarettes and Corona Extra. I knew that, just as with Zombie, the fact that we had only death and blood to offer them would be an attraction. “You know the mission,” I said, “but now you need to know the opposition. This was not done by Mexican cartel henchman. Il Seppo Grande has brought in outfits from all around the world to raise the ante. These hit squads come from Korea, Colombia, Switzerland, Ireland, Canada (no, really) and other obscure places (I left out South Africa because, you know, #ProteaDire), and they are the scum of the game. We cannot beat all of them at once, but we will take them out one at a time.”

“So when do we start pendejos?” It was Zombie, coming through the door just ahead of El Capitano Daas. “I gotta Bony(c) ready to blow all over these pinche mercenarios!” My spirits started to rise. Daas had come through, and our hit squad was complete. Daas, Zombie, El Eunuco Jalea, Sjaugen, Raddy, and the 12th Amigo. Equipo de México was ready to dance.

Any announcements from team Spain yet?

Breaking Repost News: Catalonia banned from FIFFSA 5-a-side world cup

Following the previously reported complaint from Spain regarding Catalonia's participation in the world cup, FIFFSA would like to provide the following statement:

"Participation in the FIFFSA 5-a-side world cup is only available to the 209 registered nations. These guidelines are clear and unambiguous. As Catalonia is not a registered nation, it has no grounds to participate at the tournament.

It should be noted that with this ruling, FIFFSA does make any representation for or against independence of the Catalan region. This is solely a matter for the involved nations and inhabitants."

There are currently 49 confirmed nations in the FIFFSA 5-a-side world cup, should other willing captains still wish to register, a guide of the registered nations can be found at:

http://www.fifa.com/associations/

FIFFSA would like to highlight that there are nations outside of Europe that play football and would encourage any prospective managers to consider this when selecting which nation to represent.

‣‣‣ Official Letter From The Federal Government of Brazil ‣‣‣

Dear reader,

I am writing to inform you of an opportunity which we as a nation would like to present.

Given the response from the people of Brazil following preparations for the 2015 FIFFSA 5-a-side world cup, our government has decided to host a pre-tournament-tournament.

This will take place on the white sandy beaches of Rio de Janeiro, with all countries welcome to apply.

The compeition will take place from the 31st October 2015, to the 2nd November 2015, over GW11. Scoring will be counted based on this week only.

This tournament is designed to be a bit of fun, and is only a 'friendly'. Given the nature of this competition, we are well aware that the term 'friendly' may be bent somewhat.

Captains, if you wish to take place in this friendly tournament, you should submit your team via email, providing their FFS name and FPL link. The 'deadline' for submission will be the GW11 deadline (31st October at 11:45). Most teams will have already been announced by this stage.

You need not worry about substitues or keeping tally of the score, that will be taken care of by us.

At the end of the gameweek, a post will be issued outlining the score breakdowns of the players and the teams. This way, captains can see which players and nations to watch out for in the competition. This also helps captains determine the weak links within their own squads.

We look forward to your participation in this event.

Kind regards,

Luiz Fernando Pezão,
62nd Governor of Rio de Janeiro

http://goo.gl/IclZvi

Wha gwaan?

Apologies to all those who didn't make it into Scottish team, I would have replied to emails but there were 84 requests and I couldn't work out how to do group response

Sanchez, KDB, Payet or Vardy for GW11 ©?

got lucky and transferred walcott out yest, lets pray for no more injuries

Breaking news:

Team Germany's players emerged, blue eyed, blinking into the daylight, their blond hair ruffled from a six day intensive penalty training session. Rumours of a 5-0-0 formation, settling for another penalty victory against the English rife. Two team members were overheard by the waiting press, dismayed by the fact that they were "worried for their place on the team as KingOzil had witnessed them miss one penalty out of the 3,245 they'd taken".

#ZeeGermansTommy
http://youtu.be/2oK_trZhVdk

Any news on who Team Catalonia are reforming as, if at all?

Have 1 more spot to fill in the Japan team.

Who wants it!?

San Marino training session today went as expected, as there players pulled up to their training complex in their ridiculously expensive cars. One player was missing, IL Consiglieri Wasabi. Before long a dark presence had made itself known within the skyline with an unmistakable noise to match, as the noise became more and more distinctive the players looked up to the sky, IL Sessinio looked at IL Spectrumo, IL Djenzio turned to IL Sunny Marino, there he was the part time pilot had brought his private helicopter.

Once Wasabi had managed to land his helicopter he approached his team mates "sorry I'm late lads" Wasabi was heard to say

At this point Woy of the Wovers, who qualified to represent San Marino through a long lost grandparents parent, also returned to the group after signing autographs for the 4 fans who had turned up to watch the training session. "Let's practice what we are good at today"

Puzzled looks could be seen on the players faces, until IL Spectrumo piped up "throw ins, let's practice throw ins" the group could be seen high fiving,

IL Sessino turned to Wasabi "get the practice ball out of the helicopter"

Wasabi returned to the helicopter and after searching frantically he realised he had left it on the kitchen table

"Oh well lads, at least we have all turned up this week" IL Djenzio guard of the rock chirped up. The group nodded to give their approval

Progress had been made, this was a team on the up. As the players returned to their expensive cars and Wasabi took to the skies, Sunny was heard to say " I will bring a spare ball next week lads"

choosing between Lukaku, Bony and Kane is proving to be impossible.

Color me disappointed to see Holy See on Team Iran instead of as captain of a squad representing The Vatican.

Just saying....

New post

can't believe it wasn't posted that it's to move on

http://www.fantasyfootballscout.co.uk/2015/10/27/the-ffscout-community-grand-play-offs-round-1-gameweek-2/

Can someone sign up sporting I feel bad for headhunting him then running out of places

A story by Mr. Otake Raisuke (master of the Tenshin Shoden Katori Shinto Ryu, the oldest verified school of Japanese martial arts):

"A long time ago there was a young samurai and his fiancé who were deeply in love. One day his fiancé was walking through the forest when she was attacked and seriously mauled by a man-eating tiger! No matter what the young samurai did, nothing could save her… and she died

From the depths of his sorrow he vowed to revenge his beloved, by seeking out the tiger and killing it.

So he took his bow and arrow and sought out into the forest, month after month in search of the man-eating beast. Searching daily in the forest, the samurai finally saw a sleeping tiger in the distance and concluded that this must be the tiger responsible for the death of his lover!

He drew his bow, took careful aim and released the arrow which found its mark and pierced the tiger’s body deeply. Drawing and mounting another arrow he slowly approached the motionless creature to confirm the kill… only to find his arrow stuck deeply into a striped colored stone which happened to resemble that of a sleeping tiger!

After this, everyone in the village began to talk about how strong he was, because he could pierce a stone with his arrow, and people became determined to test him. However, regardless of how many times he attempted to repeat the undertaking his arrows kept bouncing off the rock.

This was because he now realized that his target is only a stone. In the past his resolve had been so profound that he was actually able to physically pierce a stone with his arrow. However, now under different circumstances, he was unable to repeat the same feat."

_____

Moral of the story?

“A strong will can even pierce stone”. In other words, resolve can serve as a powerful vehicle for achieving seemingly impossible things.

This will be the motto of my Japanese side "A strong will can even pierce stone". Our iron will and resolve will lead us to certain victory.

When I complete my squad that is......

_____________________NORTH KOREAN TEAM SHEET___________________

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

◄...The World has been waiting.______________The World will wait no more...►.

Introducing the official side of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea.

In order of recruited;

PINKFISH
WILD ROVER
VAN KLINKERT DELAROSA
MEGATRONALDINHO
PRINCE AKEEM
ROLLS REUS

Reuters ; __ Presser to follow.

After watching the Scoutcast I believe we have found our 3 long lost Mexican Brothers. ¿Sí?

The winners of this upcoming tournament will soon makes their names known. None of you may see it coming but I believe we are all over looking a footballing powerhouse. Granted its been a couple of years since the glory days of this great nation but soon they will return and emerge triumphant once again. Soon.............

Pages slowing down and still 2 weeks from the start OR is there any new article?

This is at the bottom of articles list and thu fri bring loads of articles.
Getting a new article soon?

when I was a kid I always thought mexico was a made up country for cartoons and cowboy films
and you know it kind of is

Teams complete or any spots left?

Not sure if I'm missing something but with so many teams entered, several teams will never play each other. Could it work with having a mini group of say four teams each week rather than a h2h with 4,3,2 and 1pt awarded or is this over complicating things? 🙂

any spot left on netherland wales cratia team
or any other team for that matter

my team is
ddg
kola bellerin smalling taylor oxford
mahrez payet sanchez kdb ayew
pelle vardy lukaku

Anyone need someone?

History speaks for itself:
http://fantasy.premierleague.com/entry/355/history/