That really doesnt leave much room for self improvement, which apparently is an area in need of attention. But it does merge pretty well with my strong urge to be alone right now, so i guess i could try it. What do i have to lose, right.

Self improvement works only if you can identify problems that you may have. If you feel genuinely that there are things you fall down on absolutely focus on them. They really are one in the same focusing on what you love, passions etc. gives you time to focus on yourself as well.

I know i have problems, obviously. Things that have happened in my life wouldnt have if i didnt. Problem is i cant really identify what it is im doing wrong, or id try and fix it myself. I actually think it would be wise for me to seek professional help. I guess doing what i enjoy would give my brain a break to not just sit around and mope, which is what ive done for a good portion of this holiday.

Well good on you, a giant step is realising that you might need that sort of help, so many people fall down there. So go for it!

Absolutely, moping really well not be of any benefit to you in the long run.

Not in the long run, but i feel like its the only thing i want to do right now, and probably for the foreseeable future. When things are a little less sore, i honestly think i should talk to someone. Obviously me handling things by myself isnt working out. Its not an easy thing to admit and even harder to actually take the steps and get help, but a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, i guess.

There is that period of wanting nothing, you're mourning something important to you, that makes sense.

And that shows good self awareness, it is tough but it's really important so good for you! I'm definitely rooting for you, a lot of the gang will be as well.

Ive had my share of grief and problems in my life, i know everybody has luggage but i have more than most. I still dont feel like any of it has made me any stronger.

I dunno about the self awareness bit, its more just that i feel like its slowly becoming my only option. Either that or just, evaporate and slowly become irrelevant. Sounds pretty dramaqueen-ish, but its honestly the way i feel. Cheers again for the kind words, it actually helps me a little.

Of course you won't feel it at this moment, you're in the negative state of mind.

You won't just evaporate, before the sun comes the storm and all that. Give yourself time to just chill and relax. Look at it this way, despite all the bad crap you've had in the past you've come through that and you definitely can again, give yourself your time to heal up.

Youre actually making sense to me right now. I guess what youre suggesting is the only thing i can do. Might as well try it, dont have much left to lose at this point, so why not try and make the best out of a bad situation. Cheers man, obviously dont know you but you seem to be goodhearted.

Absolutely, go for it mate, things will get better in time. Not a problem at all, don't like seeing people having a really rough time, it happens but it doesn't mean you can't try to help out in some small way!

I actually feel the same way, although i come off like something of a smartass on here most of the time, i actually consider myself kind and goodhearted as well. I guess im just rude sometimes. Your "small way" of helping atleast lifted my spirits for the night, and that was no easy task in itself. I was hiding in my jacket with tears in my eyes during the fireworks a couple hours ago, to put things into perspective. And despite how it might appear, im a grown man. I dont cry that often.

The internet can be quite impersonal in that sense, doesn't mean you're rude or anything like that, just to the point. Sometimes people will mistake it for rudeness on the internet, I've never thought you rude though.

Well I am glad to have helped and there is nothing wrong with being upset when having a really tough time, nothing at all. A big step to make has even been talking about it to someone which you've done instead of just shutting away. That's a good first step to take. Big time.

I mean, i can totally see why people get that impression of me. People i meet in real life often think that too, but its just my personality and i have a f***d up sense of humour. Sarcasm doesnt really come off too well on the internet.

I guess youre right about the last part of your post. Although i dont feel like ive taken any big steps.. Talking to someone has been long overdue, but given the circumstances of my life lately i dont really have that many options of talking to people about my problems in life. Which is why it sounds perfectly applicable to me to see a professional. Might be frowned upon or something like that by people, but i gotta look out for number one.

My best friend is actually very similar. What I'd say is people who are quick to judge aren't worth worrying about at all, genuinely.

Damn straight and there's nothing wrong with seeing someone when things are rough, nothing at all. So if anyone frowns on it, they can get f***ed as well. Look out for yourself!

Maybe thats why you can relate. I know that i shouldnt worry about them as theyre usually not worth the hassle, but when it happens over time it can wear one down.

I mean ive been on the verge of a breakdown for quite a while, ever since i got sick at first, and id rather risk people thinking whatever they`ll think and give myself a better chance of getting back to myself, if that makes any sense. I guess when you dont think the storm is gonna settle, you find shelter in the least likely spot. My way of saying thanks. Im weird like that, with the analogies and stuff.