It was another bonkers Gameweek riddled with dodgy team news and even dodgier defences, where Man City and Liverpool joined Sheffield Utd as the teams to target. As the balmy lollygagging days of autumn recede, it’s a change of temperature and pace with three games a week, short rest, and the prospect of Pep roulette going global. 17-man squads are now essential.
It’s also been a busy period for the Regulators, with Spearsmint Dino joining Everton in getting their collar felt, and the rewind button getting pressed to recalculate who did what with who. The FA will also be interested in the sanctions applied by the SKLW tribunal as they ponder which tier Man City will start in next season. It is therefore with some trepidation, and no guarantee of accuracy, that I offer the first draft of a report on what might have happened on Matchday 11.
PREMIER LEAGUE
NETFLIX AND CHILWELL 3-3 CAFU GOOD MEN
Netflix and the Cafus shared the points in a slugfest that will have everyone tuning in for the sequel. @FPL Toni (75 pts) and @cazza netted during the first reel, and @BrizJT (79) was good for a brace after the interval; however, it was @fpl_juice (75) who put on a show in the Squad match to secure a point for the Cafus.
GERD MÜLLER A PINT 1-2 FONTAINE OF KNOWLEDGE
The Müllers took their shots in the H2Hs, courtesy of @lagdonff, but it was the Fontaines who were thirsting for knowledge in the Squad match where @Fplbinary (78) and fplhaggis (77) did most to secure a much-needed win.
EL SIN NOMBRE 3-1 SHEIKH, BLATTER AND RAUL
The hombres for Nombre did a number on the Sheikhs to climb into the top half. Goals from @FPL Editor and @FPLCanuck set the tone, and the bandits added another in the Squad match. It was a tough outing for the league-leaders, whose only consolations were a goal from @Stemania, and a top-scoring performance for @phchess (80).
WAN FLEW OVER THE NKUNKU’S NEST 2-3 FABIO CANNAVARIANCE
The Fabios raided the Nkunku’s nest and flew away with the points thanks to the depth of their squad, and in spite of benching their top two scorers. It looked promising for the NKunkus when @FPL_Fran and @FPLdchin notched in the H2Hs, but they waned in the Squad match and now have to face the wrath of Nurse Ratched.
OPPENHAMSTER 2-5 BANYANA BAFANA
The reigning champions signalled a return to form with a statement victory over the radioactive hamsters. @zan_fpl_keroski and @swanmoretime experimented successfully in the H2Hs until they ran into @FPL_Sandy and FPL_FrodoB’s top-scoring ring of power; and the feasting continued in the Squad match.
SPEARSMINT DINO 0-2 SON OF A GÜN
Spearsmint Dino put Messi on the bench to guard against any further sanctions, but it was to no avail as the Günners unleashed some charges of their own to skip past them in the table. @fplfrasier (78) emerged as the favourite Son.
Premier League Table
| Team Name | Played | GD | Points |
| 1. Sheikh, Blatter and Raul | 11 | +24 | 28 |
| 2. Banyana Bafana | 11 | +7 | 21 |
| 3. Fabio Cannavariance | 11 | +9 | 19 |
| 4. Wan Flew over the Nkunku’s Nest | 11 | +5 | 19 |
| 5. El Sin Nombre | 11 | -1 | 16 |
| 6. Son of a Gun | 11 | -2 | 15 |
| 7. Spearsminto Dino* | 11 | +4 | 14 |
| 8. Cafu Good Men | 11 | 0 | 14 |
| 9. Netflix And Chilwell | 11 | -2 | 14 |
| 10. Gerd Müller a Pint | 11 | -10 | 12 |
| 11. Oppenhamsters | 11 | -16 | 8 |
| 12. Fontaine of Knowledge | 11 | -18 | 8 |
* three points deducted for fielding an ineligible player
CHAMPIONSHIP
FC HA LA LAND 3-1 NO FUCHS GIVEN
No quarter was given in the H2Hs, where @Mattreilly and @FPL_Architect exchanged strikes, but it was the home team who were laughing in the Squad match, where John Mernor (82) had all the best lines.
ONE TCHOUAMENI 0-3 ONANAS IN PYJAMAS
The Onanas put this one to bed early, courtesy of a clean sheet from @sherifgabr777 and a strike from @Alchim1sT in the H2Hs; and the firepower of @rookie_been (80), @WiraBangun (77) and @FPLPete_ (76) in the Squad match. Maybe think about giving @FPLJogger (80) a game next week?
HAND OF ZOFF 2-1 PANDA EXPRESS CDF
The Zoffs palmed the points against the Pandas to climb out of the cellar. Not surprisingly, it was a crafty clean sheet from @ninja_fpl (76) that sowed the seeds of success, and @fpl_tombz and @fpllost found the net to build a winning lead. The Pandas pulled one back in the Squad match, but were left to rue leaving their top scorer, @JosesBusDrivers (79) parked on the bench.
FLOWERS 2-4 KAHN YOU FEEL THE LÖW TONIGHT
The Flowers bloomed early on thanks to a brace from @TonyJYorath (90), but were unable to resist the advances of the Kahns who added a Squad goal and a strike from @Roger-sen to a climax from @Big4FPL.
CASH BANDICOOT 0-3 NUSANTARA GAUCHOS
The league-leaders lost their perch after failing to cash in against the Gauchos. @urparellelworld navigated a clean sheet, and @wide_playmaker chipped in with a goal in the H2Hs, and the Gauchos galloped clear in the Squad match, with @FPL_sietam leading the pack. No need to worry about @upilLuthi’s 82 points being left on the bench.
MURDER ON ZIDANE’S FLOOR 1-3 CAMEROON DIAZ
A clinical hit by the Cameroons saw the wannabe A-listers return to the limelight. @sami_devil10 (72) displayed his impish charm up front, and @sparkymir led the way in a sparkling squad performance to secure the points. The Zidanes hit the floor, but not in a good way.
Championship League Table
| Team Name | Played | GD | Points |
| 1. Cameroon Diaz | 11 | +16 | 21 |
| 2. Cash Bandicoot | 11 | +8 | 20 |
| 3. FC Ha La Land | 11 | +7 | 20 |
| 4. Onanas in Pyjamas | 11 | +12 | 19 |
| 5. Nusantara Gauchos | 11 | -6 | 19 |
| 6. One Tchouameni | 11 | -3 | 16 |
| 7. Kahn you feel the Lōw tonight? | 11 | -1 | 15 |
| 8. Flowers | 11 | -5 | 15 |
| 9. Panda Express CDF | 11 | -5 | 13 |
| 10. No Fuchs Given | 11 | -7 | 11 |
| 11. Hand of Zoff | 11 | -13 | 11 |
| 12. Murder on Zidane’s Floor | 11 | -13 | 10 |
LEAGUE ONE
IT’S A WONDERFUL CRUYFF 2-1 SWEET 2FA
The Cruyffs turned it on to see off the Sweets and return to the summit. @TareKira and @Hesalovelyboy charmed everyone with H2H goals; @FPL_Badgers9 was the custodian of choice; and @FPL_Tinkers (80) ensured that the Sweet’s revival in the Squad match fell short.
WINNING MENTALITY WANDERERS 0-3 THE HEROES
The team building course at Old Trafford didn’t work out for the Wanderers, who have yet to find that winning mentality. It was routine heroics for the Heroes, with @The_Ron_Manager putting the jumpers extra narrow to keep it clean, while @anoshdaji and @snorklehorse both notched with modest scores. @Shakil91301 (77) ensured there was no complacency in the Squad match.
KEANE 16 2-0 MARITIM +62
It was all quiet in the H2Hs, with Shrikant Verma and @eppurwanto_ both serving up clean sheets, but the Maritims were all at sea in the Squad match and the Keanes sailed home with David Hewitt (79) and @sneharsenalfpl (78) at the helm to secure a two-goal victory.
MARADONA KEBABS 5-1 GARUDA CHEERS UP MASVANSA 2022
The high-flying Garudas hit the rocks in Kebab-land and the Maradonas took full advantage to deliver a 5-1 thumping. @FPLJoelinton and @FPLMez8 served up the Hors d’Oeuvres in the H2Hs, and the fine dining continued in the Squad match, with @TimbersFPL (77) and @FPLNym (76) leading by example. @ignatiusBryan_1’s goal was scant consolation for the Garudas.
FLYING DUTCHMEN 2-0 SHELBY COMPANY LIMITED
The Dutchmen flew out of the traps with a goal from @rowhun (74) and a cleanie from @Ali_Son9, and there was no let-up in the Squad match. No returns at all for Shelby investors, who have now dropped into the relegation berths.
NO KOEMAN NO CRY 4-3 GENTLEMAN’S GREALISH
It was tears of joy for No Koeman as they edged Grealish out in a heartbreaker. A brace from @LEXXKATZ and a strike from @Dannymorata for No Koeman was matched by @fplscofield (80) and @fplellie for the Gents, and there were only seven game-points in it in the Squad match. @MAGZWELLA’s 83-point haul made the difference for No Koeman.
League One Table
| Team Name | Played | GD | Points |
| 1. It’s a Wonderful Cruyff | 11 | +2 | 22 |
| 2. Keane 16 | 11 | +15 | 21 |
| 3. Garuda Cheers Up Masvansa 2022 | 11 | +12 | 21 |
| 4. Sweet 2FA | 11 | +10 | 20 |
| 5. Flying Dutchmen | 11 | +4 | 17 |
| 6. Maradona Kebabs | 11 | +3 | 16 |
| 7. No Koeman No Cry | 11 | -17 | 16 |
| 8. The Heroes | 11 | +3 | 15 |
| 9. Maritim +62 | 11 | -1 | 15 |
| 10. Shelby Company Limited | 11 | 0 | 14 |
| 11. Gentleman’s Grealish | 11 | -5 | 11 |
| 12. Winning Mentality Wanderers | 11 | -26 | 2 |
LEAGUE TWO
UNBELIEVABLE GEOFF 1-2 THE DEADLY DEADLINERS
The Unbelievables flat-lined in a low scoring encounter with the Deadliners. It looked very different when @FplKelv complemented Chris Morgan’s clean sheet to secure a lead in the H2hs, but the Deadliners were deadlier in the Squad match thanks to @ZhouFPL and @VardyBoys (both 73).
THE GENERALISTS 3-2 INTEGRITY IS MBUEMO
The Generalists marched out of the cellar after compromising the Mbeumos in a hard-fought match. It was a stand-off in the H2Hs, with strikes from @FPLPup and @LiberoFPL being matched by Daniel Loukachouk and @JosFpl; but the Generalists had the numbers in the Squad match, where @alexwaterbaby (73) was mentioned in dispatches.
THE GALACTICOS 4-2 RUUD BULLET
The Galacticos are starting to find their mojo, and their rude treatment of the league-leaders brings them into contention for the promotion berths. Early strikes from @Greyhead19 and @FPLPingreen were matched by Sachin Gulati and @AliCowper, but Ruud Bullet had no answer to the fury unleashed by @DonieFPL (74) and @FFScout_Tom (72) in the Squad match.
THE NATION OF DOMINATION 3-2 LETS’ GET READY TO CRUMBLE
The Crumblers forgot to read the script and built up a lead in the H2Hs that to a clean sheet from @FPL_Brandon, and strikes from @The FPLRoutine and @Geddyfpl2; but normal service was restored in the Squad match, where @ChMarsh (77) and @FPLChampMan (76) led the harassment.
A PLANET WITH NO STARS 1-0 FRED RICE EATER
The Planets aligned to serve up a narrow victory against the Freds. It was typically low-key in the H2Hs, thanks to clean sheets from @danlukeashby and @FplNusantara; however, the Planets had just enough stardust to prevail in the Squad match, even though they left their top scorer, @BluebirdAdam (75) on the bench.
THE NONCHALANT TWENTY20 – BYE
It was another care-free week for the Nonchalants.
League Two Table
| Team Name | Played | GD | Points |
| 1. Ruud Bullet | 10 | +4 | 18 |
| 2. Integrity Is Mbeumo | 10 | +6 | 17 |
| 3. The Deadly Deadliners | 10 | +3 | 17 |
| 4. The Nation of Domination | 10 | -1 | 16 |
| 5. A Planet with no Stars | 10 | -2 | 16 |
| 6. The Galaticos | 10 | +4 | 15 |
| 7. Unbelievable Geoff | 10 | +3 | 13 |
| 8. The Nonchalant Twenty20 | 10 | -3 | 12 |
| 9. The Generalists | 10 | -10 | 12 |
| 10. Fred Rice Eater | 10 | 0 | 11 |
| 11. Let’s Get Ready To Crumble | 10 | -4 | 9 |
MANAGER OF THE WEEK
It was a good week to have a good week, and a number of FPL managers filled their boots. @fplscofield delivered 80 points in a losing cause for Gentleman’s Grealish, as did @abhishe63548249 and @FPL_Tinkers to help secure victories for the Kahns and the Cruyffs. @upilLuthi (82) excelled from the Gauchos bench, but it would have been tears for No Koeman No Cry without @MAGZWELLA’s 83-pointer. However, this week’s top banana, with two goals and 90 points (and a loss) is @TonyJYorath from the Flowers. Well done all.
MATCHDAY 12 FIXTURES
While our squads will continue to rack up the mileage, it’s pipe and slippers time for SKLW managers during the midweek fixtures, so here’s what we have to look forward to when battle resumes on 9 December.
Premier League
| Cafu Good Men | Wan Flew over the Nkunku’s Nest |
| El Sin Nombre | Oppenhamster |
| Gerd Müller a Pint | Spearsmint Dino |
| Netflix and Chilwell | Son of a Gün |
| Fontaine of Knowledge | Banyana Bafana |
| Sheikh, Blatter and Raul | Fabio Cannavariance |
Championship
| FC Ha La Land | Kahn you feel the Lōw tonight? |
| Nusantara Gauchos | Panda Express CDF |
| Cameroon Diaz | Onanas in Pyjamas |
| Murder on Zidane’s Floor | No Fuchs Given |
| Cash Bandicoot | One Tchouameni |
| Flowers | Hand of Zoff |
League One
| Garuda Cheers UP Masvansa 2022 | Sweet 2FA |
| Shelby Company Limited | Maritim +62 |
| Gentlemen’s Grealish | The Heroes |
| No Koeman No Cry | It’s a Wonderful Cruyff |
| Flying Dutchmen | Winning Mentality Wanderers |
| Maradona Kebabs | Keane 16 |
League Two
| Let’s Get Ready To Crumble | Integrity is Mbeumo |
| Fried Rice Eater | The Deadly Deadliners |
| A Planet with No Stars | The Nonchalant Twenty2 |
| The Planet Of Domination | Unbelievable Geoff |
| The Galacticos | The Generalist |
| Ruud Bullet | Bye |
As with previous seasons, information on Gameweek scores, including live updates are available here and by accessing Livescores by TopMarx.
That’s all for now. I’m off to see if they do FFScout merch in my size. Stay safe.
