With nine teams fighting for four Champions League berths, and a five-way scrap for the top spot that nobody wants to win, the Not Match of the Day cameras are where the action is, which is mostly on the beach, and often in the mire. With team and personal glory to play for, FPL Managers are grappling with the endless permutations and Pythagorean calculations, and that’s just for Pep’s team sheet. One thing is clear, with the knockout phase looming, it’s either win or start looking for one of those pundit gigs.
THE RESULTS ARE IN …
Krul Intentions 3-1 Fantastic Mr Fox
The Foxes were sniffing first place, but the Kruls had other intentions and eked out a narrow victory based on the cunning strategy of hiding Az’s disastrous FH in the H2Hs. He still managed a goal, but he might have won the golden boot with his non-FH team. Xhaka Laca equalised but the Foxes were left fighting for scraps in the Squad match, and Suvansh’s crew secured a top-half finish ahead of the playoffs.
Toxic Seaman 4-3 Ayew Lonesome Tonight
Stuck in 23rd place, and with the lights about to go out, a date with Toxic Seaman was the best the Lonesomes could hope for, but they didn’t go quietly. Chaballer (75pts) splashed out with a brace for the Seaman, but Narcos (81pts) responded with a hattrick, and the Lonesomes built up an early lead in the Squad match. Alas, they were unable to hold onto their man, and it was top marks for Top Marx (81pts) as the Sailors secreted a confidence building victory.
Lloris the Hounds 1-4 Free Britney’s Areola
The Hounds needed the points, but were smothered by the Britney’s, who put in another chart-topping performance. The Pups got off to a wonky start in the H2Hs curtesy of Wongy_fc (83pts); and Professor Baer (81pts) put on a clinic in the Squad match as the Britney’s expanded into a Double-D lead. Electrue (88pts) provided a brief spark for the Hounds, but defeat leaves them hovering on the brink of elimination.
The Nameless Ones 1-2 Flying without Ings
With nothing to play for, no-one turned up, and the team with no name lost to the team with no points. The damage was done in the H2Hs where Sid Surotia (84pts) got the thermals going with a brace; and while SamuraiGaijin (86pts) helped to slice the deficit in the Squad match, the Cabin Crew held on for a rare victory.
Defoe King Unbelievables 2-3 Hwang King in a Wood
With qualification on the line for both teams, this was a bit of a knee-trembler. Mini Mane Mo started the trash talk in the H2Hs, with an expletive ridden brace for the Defoe Kings; but it was the other King who took a firm grip in the Squad match with Benighted (84pts); Gro1994 (82pts); and FPL_Beery (79pts) all coming to the party to deliver a famous victory. It was the Defoe Kings that were left feeling exposed, and in need of favours elsewhere.
Bachmann and Robben 2-4 The Rooney Tunes
With a storming run of six wins and a draw, the Rooney Tunes were the form team in Phase Four, and have soared from obscurity to the brink of Champions League qualification. They still needed the points from their trip to Gotham City though, as did the Caped Crusaders who were on their final warning. 42 Towels (78pts) did his job with a goal in the H2Hs, but the other towels were left on the beach, and it was the Rooneys who were serenaded into the knockout phase with Nikolasw81 (85pts) leading the band. It’s back to catching robbers for the Dynamic Duo.
No Fuchs Given 0-3 Hey MaccaReina!
With qualification already secured for both teams, nobody gave a Fuchs about this match, but there was plenty of action in the H2Hs. AA33 (85pts) found Jesus, but his epiphany was trumped by RWD90’s 92-point goalkeeping masterclass; and with tedtalksfpl rediscovering his goalscoring touch, the Maccas romped to a 3-0 victory.
The Hairy Henry 0-4 Too Krul for Siu
In another hair-raising match the Henrys only had to win to progress, while Too Krul needed a GOAT intervention to secure qualification. The Gauls were never in this one, and were given a sharp Brexit curtesy of Camzy (88pts), who kept it tight in the H2Hs, and Igz08 (83pts), who provided the pain in the Squad match, although some of it was self-inflicted. Only three more miracles are needed for Too Krul, is it too much to hope for? Read on.
Hanging by a Fred 6-0 Carroll’s Christmas Island
Hanging by a Fred had been dropping like a stone, and while they finally found a beach they could handle, it was too late to secure top billing for the fun to come. TS Sai (68pts) struck a brace in the H2Hs, and Darth_Newdar (89pts) wielded his lightsaber to good effect in the Squad match. It’s now time to put the mankinis away.
Son of a Gunn 2-2 Catch me if U Kane
The Gunners had the chance to cap an indifferent run of form with a win to secure first place, and had the Kanes in their sights, but ran out of ammo. Elfortu struck an early brace for the Kanes, but Mark Sutherns pulled one back for the Gunners. There was a lot of shouting in the Squad Match, with KIRAFPL (85pts) doing most to make himself heard, but FPLMAK (76pts), and PEP_TALK (75pts) made sure that Son of a Gunn didn’t come away with nothing.
Shot to the Hart and Yorke to blame 14-1 Jimmy Floyd Hamsterbaink
Shot to the Hart shot to the top with another double-digit performance against the hapless Hamsters. There was a brief nip by the Ferrets in the H2Hs, with Toblerone52 matching theFPLKiwis’ early goal; but after that it was roadkill all the way with merciless performances from Raish Ganpat (88pts); Auto select (84pts); and SpadeHansen (81pts). The RSPCA are on the case.
Footstock Alumni 0-3 Shearer’s bunch of Flowers
Footstock shares plummeted as they failed to deliver the dividends their shareholders expect; whereas the Florists demonstrated the growth needed to blossom in the knockout phase. Not much to see in the H2Hs, although Paul Sampson (79pts) showed some game in goal for the Alumni; however, his colleagues were too busy updating their CVs to notice the winning strategy being developed by Magnus Carlsen (79pts).
The full results can be found here:
HOW IT STANDS
Shot to the Hart and Yorke to blame edge our Son of a Gunn on goals scored to reache the summit for the first time in the final round of league fixtures, and fully deserve their top billing for the elimination rounds. Free Britney’s Areola and The Rooney Tunes also delivered strong finishes and, apart from socially, no-one will want to come up against them; which is probably why they have been paired together for the last 16. In the battle for the final qualifying slots, Catch me if U Kane’s point was enough; Defoe Kings Unbelievable survived by the skin of their teeth with a loss; and Hwang King in a Wood also squeezed in thanks to their narrow victory. Sadly, that means that Too Krul for Sui narrowly miss out on their heroic attempt to qualify from 21st place. Commiserations to them, and to Lloris the Hounds; The Hairy Henry; Bachmann and Robben; and Footstock Alumni, who can now look forward to the ignominy of the You’re Ropey League of Shame. We’ll be covering those games on BT Sports.
The final league table is as follows:
SKLW – Live scores & League tables – Google Sheets
PLAYER OF THE WEEK
Electrue; Raish Ganpat; and Camzy can all be proud of their 88-point hauls; and Darth_Newdar (89pts) went one better; but with the biggest haul, and the cleanest sheets, this week’s top banana is RWD90 with 92 points. Well done all.
Having been sent to Finishing School, it was a return to form for tedtalksfpl, who can now model his golden boots on the dance floor. FplRitchie’s failure to keep a clean sheet enabled Camzy to catch him in the battle for the golden gloves. Presumably they get one each.
COMING UP NEXT
We have now reached that bit of the tournament where you look up the rules to see what happens next, and then moan about it to Boris. However, this year it’s very simple: the top seed plays the bottom seed; 2nd plays 15th; 3rd plays 14th etc; and the winners progress. We keep doing that until the Hamsters win.
I am also contractually obliged to advise that the same process applies for the You’re Ropey League of Shame fixtures, but for the players’ entrance we’ll be reprising Cersei’s walk of atonement from Game of Thrones.
The full list is as follows:
Greyhead will be back next week to report on the carnage, and whether anyone was great or good. It’s also one of those single gameweek thingies, so be careful about finishing early. Stay safe.
1 year, 12 months ago@krul intentions Let’s take it to another final at least. @lord smashed it buddy!