Team UAE to face Pakistan:

BsloeBadger
Cheeseoid (C)
Jawain (VC)
Holmes
Moin
Diva
Lambey
Punty
GTS
Mr. GRV
BabyB

Recovering on the bench this week after overexerting themselves on DGW paramters are:

Scab, Turtlepower, Davies and Costainho

Best of luck to all today, and may I say, even though it loathes us to see Pakistan's wildcards in play, we were quite happy to see Doosra's 'active'. Hope it is a positive indication of his current health.

WCIYPXI

Number of WCs in your playing XI?

This week could be the battle of WCs eh.

DONE. Just cba anymore. Fairly generic but went for big Silva & Fab.

------------------------------------------------

Schmeichel

Terry // Skrtel // Schlupp

Silva // Sterling // Hazard // Fab // Hendo

Aguero // Vardy

Davis - Kane - PVA - McShane (JUST FOR GW 36 lol)

kiwis, they had one good world cup, ended by the land of bradman and they are getting lippy. so cute.
#FlightoftheDodos

NZ XI:

Innsie
Walsh
Ryan
Sporting
Beric
Milanista
EpicFail
Zasa
SAB
Gloria Kanchelskis
Zan Keroski

Sledging the Aussies from the sideline:
Christina
Grubs
Desertbug
NickOfOz

May the Trans-Tasmani̶a̶n̶ battle commence!

Update: Billy's arriving to the game in style. http://t.co/CWNKpMsX47

A) Henderson Sterling Mignolet

B) Coutinho Sterling Mignolet

C) Fabregas Sterling Mignolet

BungledMess needs to post more. #BangleMangle

* Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber plays*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izQsgE0L450

By the time we reach the camp it is too late. The Indies had plundered what valuables we had and torched the rest. Ragged pieces of the deceased Ameobi lay strewn amidst the charred rubble and a mocking message from The Shadow painted across the high walls ‘What’s black and white, and red all over?’ I was not expecting this to be the answer.

Among the fallen Ameobi lay some Boyds, Manes and even a Mahrez who had spotted the attack and rushed to their aid. We salvaged what we could from the vultures to give them a decent burial. It’s what Shola would have wanted.
‘How did this happen?’ Jawain asked in vain. It puzzled me too. Our borders were secure. All eyes on the West, yet they came through the East. ‘I know not’ I stated bluntly ‘I only know that they will pay for what they’ve done’

‘What do we do now?’ asked Davies. The loss had hit him extra hard. The Mahrez was his compatriot and he felt a tinge of guilt for exposing such bench fodder to the brutality of the front lines. ‘We wait’ I said solemnly.

And wait we did. Past the FA equinox and beyond. News from overseas told of the once Great Kingdom of Sri Lanka had fallen to its knees. Their arrogance had been their undoing. Not that it was a big surprise. It must have been in terrible disorder when even the Granville turn their heads and seek refuge elsewhere.
All the while, we plotted and schemed, waiting for the cavalry to arrive. In between council meetings and press conferences, my time was spent musing over the recent defeat to the Indies of the West. Scout reports confirmed my suspicions. They sallied from the East and not the West. Something was not right. They must have been aided by another. But who?

The African Horde? No, they swept through the land like a firecracker and would soon fizzle out. They did not scheme or plot. They simply wrought chaos and destruction. The Pakistanis? They couldn’t have. They were the latest to feel the wrath of the Horde. And the Irish had been all but obliterated. One piece had yet to reveal itself on the board it seemed.

Cheeseoid was especially anxious ‘Scout reports Pakistan have reached our borders. They have brought their entire army. Leaving a skeleton force behind’
‘And we shall send back skeletons to them’ said Holmes wryly, chewing on a dried fig.
‘It is a double-edged sword, my lord. The whole of Pakistan is there for the taking. If our reinforcements arrive on time …’
‘If …’ I said solemnly. So many days had passed without so much as a whisper. Had word of our defeat spread so quickly that none were willing to take up arms? Ill-news does indeed travel fast when whispered through the shadows.

Suddenly a booming drone sounded through the city. The horns of war in crescendo. As others rushed about me, I coolly walked to the ramparts to glimpse the enemy. We had waited long enough. I could wait a few more seconds.

I gazed out at the masses gathered before us, their green and white banners flowing in the desert wind. Imperials, Somali pirates, Gnu riders, Apple Bonkers. They seemed to go on forever. Shoe colonels barked orders along the lines as Shipstontrevs waited impatiently in their formations. At the head of the snake, their general shone in resplendent armour, a veteran of the four wars of our time. He would prove a difficult foe. To his side rode the Hunter, S. Thompson, well versed in desert warfare.

The enemy were at our gates and our reinforcements were yet to arrive. What was I to do? What else could I do?

‘To Arms!’ I yelled.
‘My Lord’ Cheeseoid wavered ‘They outnumber us, two to one’
‘Well then’ I said with a smile ‘Show them what a double-edged sword can do.’

*Isengard Unleashed by Howard Shore plays*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_q2mYi7N4s

Australian team to smash the Kiwis...

Billy Gilmore(c)
Champ(vc)
Zep
I Am Not For Kinnear
Count of Monte Hristo
Kylie's Heels Over Head
Newman
Wakey
Blue Blooded Gorkhali
Daniel
Snake Juice

The chief sledgers will be:
Balders
Mull
Stoichkov
Giggs Boson

innsie, I let paul keating sum up my thoughts on this battle
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsN4-XLE2k&itct=CDsQpDAYACITCKrh_6rAkMUCFU8TfgoduVkAiFIVa2VhdGluZyBkbyB5b3Ugc2xvd2x5&gl=AU&client=mv-google&hl=en

CHiPs. Best TV show ever? Probably.

I think Gilly Bowlmore is a better moniker

https://twitter.com/FFS_Australia/status/591839149356879873/photo/1

#InnsieOutsie

First week on the pine, I smell an Irish victory...

*Riders on the storm* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS-af9Q-zvQ

Somewhere in the distance a dingo howled. The road I was walking on was long and straight. I could see for miles. On the horizon a smudge was growing bigger by the second. The smudge was now a rooster tail of dust; a sandstorm of disaster and it was rolling my way.

Then I faintly heard the distinctive sound of a V8. Could this be the car of my dreams, the last of the Interceptors heading right for me? I desperately wanted to stay, but quickly I realised this wasn't one solitary vehicle; the dust cloud was too big and I could hear multiple nitro-fed engines whining behind the V8 symphony heading my way. I was in the desert alone, with just a knapsack of essentials to keep me going. No, it would be better to hide. There wasn't much cover, except for a few rocks several feet away. It was tenuous as a hiding place but I had no choice. I ducked between them and pulled what sparse scrub there was over me.

Lying there, waiting for the mechanical storm to pass, I thought of my friends on Team UAE. The day after the last gameweek had not been pleasant. This was the bust after the boom of beating Ireland. I could tell the gaffer was upset. He tried to hide it behind his sunny demeanor, but somehow that had just made it worse. It was like a five-year-old saying “I understand” and going out to play after being told the puppies the family dog gave birth to two months ago were being sold. The captain was grumpy too. He had broken one quill nib and kept distractedly shuffling his parchment. Toy Keane, the team cat, was trying to keep spirits up. He would settled next to team members and puff his ginger chest out like a feline Eric Cantona. He looked like a lion lying next to Lambey. But even the magic moggy couldn’t break the oppressive claustrophobia of defeat for me. I’d had to get out of there. And I had. I'd gone Walkabout.

That’s how I had come to find myself in this ditch, the thunder of dozens of vehicles fast approaching. They were close now. I glanced up as best I could as the first one approached. It was the last of the V8 Interceptors! I was thrilled but instantly hunkered down again for behind were a tribe of road warriors giving terrifying chase, firing off crossbows at the black car now streaking away from me. It was hard to tell who these rubber barons were from such a brief look. Could it be Team Scotland on their way to their next game? As the wild and weird contraptions screamed past, I felt a sharp pain in my leg. I stifled an urge to shout, burying my fist in my mouth. Had I been shot?

Suddenly, a body landed with a thud on the ground in front of me and I found myself staring into cold, dead eyes beneath a leather pilot’s helmet. I jammed my fist further into my mouth. I now knew for sure it wasn’t the Scots.

Two minutes later, the sandstorm was disappearing over the other horizon. I turned my gaze from the dead man to my leg. There was just a tiny speck of redness on my calf and no sign of a crossbow bolt. I sat on one of the rocks for a few minutes to gather thoughts. Looking around, I saw the battered remains of a gyrocopter. That explained where the body had come from. I closed the gyrocopter pilot’s eyelids with my fingertips and started walking again. I hadn’t gone more than a few yards when I heard a voice from behind me.

“If you wildcard it, points will come.”

I looked back. What was that shimmer above the body? Was it dust, a heat haze or something else? A faint wind had picked up and on it I heard again: “If you wildcard it, points will come.”

Turning away from the road, I strode into the wilderness ahead of me.

The sights I saw over the next day were few in number. Here, a kangaroo hoping across the landscape; there, a lizard darting for cover.

On the third day, I was drawn towards the sound of a didgeridoo coming from a rocky outcrop that jutted out of the red sand before me like a ship's prow, but when I got there I found no one. I worked my way over the outcrop and at the bottom on the other side was a small shack. A grizzled old man with leather skin emerged from within. “G’day,” he croaked. “Where are you going young fella?”

I told him I was seeking space for reflection. “There’s plenty of that round here,” he said, finishing with a gruff laugh and he stuck out a hand. “Name’s Terry.”

As I shook his hand, he looked at my thin knapsack and added: “Do you need supplies?” I nodded and he continued. “There’s a town, ‘bout another day’s walk that way.” He pointed just to the left of the direction I’d been heading. “I normally tell people to Skrtel around it, but I don’t think you have a choice.”

“Do you have money?” It was a strange question to ask a member of the UAE cricket team, but I pulled out my wallet and showed him my wedge of dirhams and Australian dollars. A UK fifty fluttered out like a moth. Spying the Queen’s head, he shot me a sharp glance.

“Sterling,” he said. “You a Pom?”

“No,” I replied, waving a hand at my robes.

“Shame,” he said. “I like Poms. Got no time for Hendersons.”

“Hendersons?”

“Yeah, Republicans. Can’t stand ‘em. I Cambiassoed into town the other day to Schlupp a few Captain Morgan and that’s all I heard: 'President this', 'President that'. I was Fabregasted. Anyway you’ve got no choice, you’ll have to go there if want food. It’s not Vardy far in this Ulloa place and the store does serve good Ivanovics.”

“Ivanovics?”

“Yeah, egg mayo, BLT, beef, coronation kangaroo – that’s my favourite.” He gave me a grin showing just two teeth.

I thanked him, bid him farewell and carried on in the direction he had pointed over the low dunes. I walked all day and all night.

When the sun rose, I saw myself looking at another rocky outcrop. It looked horribly familiar and as I got closer I saw the same small shack nestled at the bottom. My heart sank. I knocked on the door and it swung open. Inside was empty. It looked like it had been deserted for years.

As I turned back to the vast emptiness outside, I saw a figure approaching from over the dunes. It seemed to shimmer in and out of existence as I walked towards it. I was only six yards away by the time my weather beaten eyes could make out who it was: the gyrocopter pilot.

His mouth opened and he said: "You are a prince among FPL cricketers, yet you are a warrior among us. You are ready now. Go out, walk with the wildcard of the FPL, travel to the end of the season, and change it for all UAE cricketers as you were born to do."

I turned to the sky and screamed. When I eventually brought my head down, the apparition was gone.

I climbed back up the outcrop and looked out over the wasteland before me. I knew what had happened and what I had to do. I pulled out my mobile and speed-dialled Badger.

“Boss, it’s me. No, I’m fine, I went Walkabout. I caught the Double Gameweek Fever like you did after 31, but it's passed now. Send a chopper to collect me. I know what I must do.

"It's time to wildcard!"

How can a land that celebrates a man playing with his didgeridoo and singing about two little boys with two little toys be taken seriously? 😆

Team Eire lineup for their must-win game against SA:

-4
-4
-8
-8
-8
WC
WC
WC
WC
WC
WC

😉

A) Coutinho Sterling Mignolet

or

B) Fabregas Sterling Mignolet

Erm, for those paying attention to int'l news, Pakistan-UAE is quite the heated match this week as well... since UAE and other gulf nations are said to no longer be (or limiting) funds sent to support Pakistan after Pakistan has failed to support the Gulf States coordianted battle in Yemen...

Are you looking for "payback" Pakistan?

Remember the words of Imran Khan...

@Sheikh Badger - fantastic post sir, I want UAE to go through with us just to read more of this!!!

Must say some great pressers from the UAE boys

May I remind my fellow Aussies that it isn't the winning or losing that matters...It's the bragging about it afterwards that really matters...COME ON YOU AUSSIES !!

Morning everyone,

Around the grounds, the umpires are leading out the teams to start six gruelling 5-day test matches. Hopefully everybody makes it to Wednesday morning still in contention and we see some cracking contests between wildcarders and non-wildcarders. Now let's see if the players have got their brains in gear because although captaincy is 90 per cent luck and 10 per cent skill, you can't get away without that 10 per cent.

Urrrggh.... my head! Email sent to ENR as Team Pakistan is incorrect on the live scores thingy.. unless that's last week's team??

Contemplates abusing the English....

Feck it yoos ba$tards...

Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!

Now feck off and don't come back... You are very naughty boys

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'

Someone Shoot Jeff.

Also Bonz has 122% rating, and Sanuil has a 133% rating.

Apologies for the lack of an England presser the manager has work commitments in Paris and no wifi. Sure he will make up for it for the winning presser for us.