Say What?

That Costa story, those mouth-watering Spurs full-backs and this week’s Zlatan utterance form the rump of the latest edition of Say What?

Add in a prime slice of Sanchez and Tony Pulis talking about a horse and suddenly these references to food suddenly seem slightly ill-conceived.

But don’t let that spoil your appetite.

China Crisis Just Wishful Thinking?

We all love a good panic, be it the latest Daily Express ‘Immigrants to make it snow on YOUR house for six months’ story, the Millennium Bug or the perfectly rational idea that letting your child read the Harry Potter books will open up a portal to the flaming pits of Hell itself.

But when 99.9% of these panics turn out to be utter tripe, is it any surprise that the latest one, involving Diego Costa (10.3) and a pile of Chinese cash so huge it can be seen from space, is looking likely to end up the same way?

Too late for the nearly 300,000 Fantasy managers who ditched him when he was ‘dropped’ by Antonio Conte ahead of the 3-0 win at Leicester, but the noises now coming out of the Bridge suggest it was all a storm in a teacup – and not one made of China either.

Marcos Alonso (6.6), who made a passable impression of Diego in his absence by scoring twice at the King Power, had this to say on the matter.

“It’s a hard position to play. You have to run a lot more and when you get the ball you are not as fresh as when you are four at the back. I go to attack maybe eight times in a game instead of around four. In this position you have to be at the far post when the ball is coming from the right. I used to play more forward but in my senior career it is the first time I have scored a brace.”

Yes, yes, you did some goals, you’re the leading points scorer among defenders in the Fantasy Premier League and the 10.2% of managers who own you are now as smug as hell…well done you.

But what about Diego?

“You guys [journalists] made up the story. Diego wasn’t feeling well because of his back. He’s very happy and will have a great season at Chelsea.”

That’s more like it.

But never mind the monkey, even if he did rack up 21 points against Leicester. What does organ grinder Conte have to say about it all?

“I think it’s important to have another plan, to play without a number nine is another solution. We show it against Bournemouth and again (at Leicester) we play without a No 9 and we won the games 3-0 and 3-0. It is important always to play as a team and then to have a different solution is important for me and for the team.”

Yep, that’s a panic right there; a great big yet another three points and a fifth clean sheet in seven matches panic of epic proportions.

So what have we learned from all of this? Selling Diego on the back of (admittedly universal) press reports might not have been such a great idea?

Possibly. But if you flipped over to, say, Zlatan Ibrahimovic (11.6) for Gameweek 21, you’d have earned yourself seven points that Costa singularly failed to provide from your bench.

And you can now afford to buy him back for this Sunday’s expected slaughter of Hull – if his back injury has cleared up – or leave him be until Chelsea have negotiated Liverpool away and the Gameweek 24 visit of Arsenal.

So, panic over.

Blood Not Ice Cold In Alexis

Moving on to another (moral) panic as to the behaviour of Alexis Sanchez (11.9) when he was subbed off at Swansea on Saturday.

Much was made of the Chilean’s reaction to being replaced by Danny Welbeck (7.3) with the match still hanging on a knife edge at 4-0.

If you somehow missed it, Sanchez stomped off, distanced himself from his team-mates and sat, head bowed, with his tracksuit draped over him as if he were a three-year-old still getting to grips with the finer points of playing hide and seek.

Some in the media, and a few easily-triggered fans on Twitter, saw that as a clear indication that Alexis won’t be signing a new deal because he’s off to China with Diego.

And we all know how that story seems to be turning out.

Spare a thought for Arsene Wenger then, as he was forced to talk about petulance rather than performance.

“All players are frustrated when they come off – some show it, some don’t. I am long enough in the job to know that. I just make the decision I feel is right and that’s it. Nothing more than that. He’s a good guy who gives a lot and wants to do well, always, for the team. There is no problem. But every culture is different. Some South Americans are a bit different to Europeans, southern Europeans are different to northern Europeans. You have to respect that. That’s why we are a multi-national team.”

Then again, maybe Wenger should have stuck to the petulance angle, because when he finally got round to performance, his comments didn’t add up.

Literally.

“Look, he is hugely influential, Sanchez. You look at the numbers, he had scored 13 goals, seven assists, now 14 goals. So he was involved in about 25 goals in our team.”

Although that generous rounding-up might have actually been a touch of genius from Le Professeur.

When Arsenal finish nine points off top spot, as per, at the end of the season, Wenger can then magically round up his side’s wins by, let’s say four, and storm to the title by three clear points.

But just in case he realised that 14+7 never ever equals 25, Wenger was quick to deflect attention with the following Sanchez revelation.

“Individually, you want everybody to behave very well…Sanchez is a guy who wants to fight everywhere. Sometimes where he shouldn’t.”

This immediately conjures up images of Alexis battering all-comers in retirement homes, kindergartens and WI jam sessions up and down the land, when really we should be concentrating on just how special the midfielder’s been this season.

The man himself is. As is the rest of the dressing room, if he is to be believed.

“I definitely feel like an important player, and my team-mates let me know every day. I try to prove that I am an important player every day and game after game.”

With a whopping 24 points more than any other FPL player this season, he’s certainly important to his 37.0% ownership.

And with Burnley, Watford, Hull and Southampton to come over the next five Gameweeks, he can fight as many toddlers, and hide under any item of clothing he chooses, as long as he keeps delivering those Fantasy returns.

Pulis The Naysayer

Red Rum, Shergar, Princess Anne…thoroughbreds have often claimed a place in the public’s hearts over the years.

And now West Midlands trainer Tony Pulis believes he’s found a serious steed in his West Bromwich stable.

“He’s a top-class racehorse. He needs to be finely tuned. I’ve worked with those players who have to be 100% fit in their body and mind, and (Nacer) Chadli is like that. I’ve worked with players who will play through anything. Then you have other people who have to be perfect, and they’re usually the top players. He’s getting closer, he’s not right on the button at the moment but he’s getting close.”

Chadli (6.0) was certainly quick out of the stalls this season, galloping to four goals and two assists in his first five starts.

But a combination of injury and a loss of form has led to nothing better than the odd three-point return since Gameweek 9, resulting in a chunky 0.6 drop in value and a mere 1.3% backing from the punters at the moment.

Fair play to Pulis, he’s never entertained thoughts of melting Chadli down for glue. He’s in it for the long haul.

“We had him right at a level that he wants to be, and I don’t think – even if you speak to him – he still hasn’t got back to that level since his injury. But we think he’s not just a player for now, he’s a player for the future. The young players will learn off him, because his ability is fantastic.”

FPL bosses looked far and wide for a Chadli replacement, eventually settling on Matt Phillips (5.8), who happened to be standing right next to him all the time.

The Scottish international has four goals and seven assists since Gameweek 11 and now finds himself in 20.2% of all Fantasy teams.

But those looking for a differential to take advantage of the Baggies’ fantastic schedule – Sunderland, Stoke, Bournemouth and Palace at home, Middlesbrough and West Ham away – all the way into March could do worse than put their house on Chadli.

But please, gamble responsibly. Or, to put it another way, don’t double up on West Brom midfielders.

Breaking News – Defender Likes Defending

If Man United defender Phil Jones (4.9) were a horse, they’d probably have had to put the curtains round him and relieved his suffering a long time ago, the amount of injuries he’s had.

But he’s fit right now and loving it.

“I just love to defend!”

Good on you, Phil. But what exactly do you mean by that?

“I want to stop goals going in the net. I want to give David De Gea fewer saves to make, or have him not need to make any in the whole game.”

Of course. Silly question, really. Do go on.

“When we’re defending as a team, we’re doing better and ultimately we need to keep improving. If we make an important block, it can be like a goal. It’s the striker’s job to put the ball in the net and it’s up to us to make important tackles and blocks.”

Since getting back into the United team, he’s helped keep just three clean sheets. That’s nothing to crow about, although all of them have come in his last six starts, which probably is.

And as the cheapest regular starter among the United back line, he’s slowly gaining a fan club – from a Gameweek 11 low of just under 6,000 managers, he’s now up to 168,000+ and more will surely come when the Red Devils’ fixtures are taken into account.

Aside from the Gameweek 26 derby at Man City, Jose Mourinho’s men have a ridiculously inviting schedule all the way through to a mid-April encounter with Chelsea.

The message should therefore be ‘buy now to avoid managerial uptake and price-rise disappointment’, even if the eventual return of Eric Bailly (5.3) from the Africa Cup of Nations will muddy United’s defensive waters.

No such worries for those on Zlatan as a) he’s not going to be rotated and b) with 42.9% ownership stats, he’s already the most popular player in FPL, so nobody’s viewing him as a differential.

The only worry is that Ibrahimovic might buckle under the pressure of his own fantastic start to life in England.

Over to you, big man.

“I think the pressure I have all around me is nothing compared to the pressure I put on myself. I really want to do not perfect, more than perfect, every game, even in training. I’m not happy if I don’t win in training so imagine what it’s like in the games.”

Fair enough. But Zlatan wouldn’t be Zlatan without a dig at the press thrown in.

“That is the pressure I put on myself and so your pressure becomes like a kindergarten for me.”

A kindergarten? Does it have Alexis Sanchez in it offering you outside? I’d pay good money to watch that unfold. Perhaps with Karren Brady v Dimitri Payet and Diego Costa v pretty much everybody eventually on the undercard.

But I digress.

Zlatan being the…let’s just say self-assured…fella he is, he’s also happy to talk about winning this year’s golden boot.

“I’d prefer to win the trophy and then the individual one comes by itself. That’s a second objective. It’s not my main target. I’m scoring, yes, but if I could be first in the table and have five goals and the media attacking me, saying: ‘He can’t do it in the Premier League’, I’d prefer to have it like that.”

But he clearly can do it in the Premier League and should continue to do so based on those United fixtures.

They’ll be hosting Hull, Watford, Bournemouth, West Brom and Everton before their Gameweek 33 showdown with Chelsea, while travelling to Stoke, Leicester, Southampton, Middlesbrough and Sunderland in addition to the Man City trip.

That promises to give Zlatan ample opportunity to add to the 14 league goals he’s banged in already.

And leaves those of us without him in our Fantasy teams to grasp the nettle and spend the cash.

No pressure though.

Spurs In Killer Form

You see that Fantasy manager stroking their cat and smiling like the evil Bond villain that they are?

That’s a person with Danny Rose (6.0) or Kyle Walker (6.1) in their team.

Why? Because two of the top-scoring FPL defenders this season are now being played even further forward by Mauricio Pochettino.

The Argentinian used the England pair as wing-backs against West Brom, and the Baggies were comprehensively stuffed as a result.

“Today we can play with three at the back but sometimes we have two (defenders), sometimes we have four, sometimes we have three. Or two midfielders, three midfielders, four midfielders. Wing backs, no wing backs. Two strikers or one striker. The most important is how the players feel and how we are playing. Today I think the performance was brilliant.”

Next up is Saturday evening’s mega-clash at Man City and Poch v Pep could very well end up being a wing-back battle.

Whether they’re used in a flat back four or as wide men to complement a back three, Walker and Rose are in the top four for chances created by defenders this season, with 30 and 25 respectively.

The right-back also leads the way for assists (five) while Rose is joint-third with two.

Throw in a fixture list that promises returns at both ends of the pitch, with only City and Liverpool as stern tests all the way through to Gameweek 35, and the case for the Spurs’ defence looks pretty water-tight.

The one question mark now is how they cope without Jan Vertonghen (5.7), whose ankle injury will keep him sidelined for around six weeks.

Bargain-hunting differential lovers will be hoping Pochettino sticks to three at the back and brings in Kevin Wimmer (4.6 and 0.1%). Otherwise, it’s going to be Eric Dier (5.0) and the wasted Fantasy opportunity that is a midfielder playing in defence.

Further up the pitch, the big question is who to play out of Christian Eriksen (8.7) or Dele Alli (8.7).

Pochettino decided to big up the latter after the West Brom thumping, and who can blame him when Alli’s worst match in five Gameweeks came because he ‘only’ recorded an assist and failed to add to his seven goals in four Gameweeks run?

“For me, he’s a killer because he’s very aggressive when he runs forward. He’s desperate to go to the box and to get the ball and score. That is an unbelievable mentality and that is because he’s a very special player. He can play like an offensive player and he can play like a midfielder because of his characteristics. He deserves a lot of credit, all the praise he’s receiving.”

Eriksen, with five goals and eight assists from the last nine Gameweeks, is more consistent.

But a Man City defence still reeling from the 4-0 hammering they received at Goodison Park looks ripe for another Alli killing spree.