Fantasy Chili Bowl – Week One

Going into this tournament as a freshman 😎 Any words of wisdom from the seniors out there (be gentle plz :P)?

Combined top 10k finishes:

Denver 32
Indianapolis 6

Potential banana skin this. 🙂

Piggin hell. I forgot about this competition...grrr...

Special Agent Diva Cooper bashed the remote control against the bed sheets in frustration. All he'd been able to get on the TV was a C-movie showing a New York gang gearing up for a fight, a documentary about the origins of the peoples of Hawaii, a music channel playing 'New York, New York' and 'Is this the way to San Jose?', a documentary about the Seattle Lake Union Trolley, and two random features about a couple of mediocre Fantasy Chili Bowl teams from the B and C conferences (even the content-starved 24 hour sports networks showing those FCB features weren't going to lower themselves to covering Conference D dross). Special Agent Cooper was desperate for the Chili Bowl action to start. Even if he couldn't take part this week, he wanted to follow events closely from his hospital bed.

The surgeons at Twin Wildcards Memorial Hospital had removed 5 bullets from his body. If that wasn't bad enough, he had a lacerated Holebas and a chronic Coutinho. He needed a cream for his Costa, a bedpan for his Hazard, and his Amat didn't work. The Presidents were not looking in good shape for this week and would be massive underdogs against LA. But the Washington team would truly be in dire straits if they needed him to play this week.

He wanted desperately to be able to help his brothers in arms. He didn't want them to think he was taking money for nothing, but this was the hand his walk of life had dealt him.

Special Agent Cooper picked up his phone and texted President Cheeseoid: 'Good luck lads! If they don't release me in time to make it down to LA, I'll be watching the action from my hospital bed.'

He added a second message: 'P.S. can you believe some Scouse scally took a pic of me waiting for my scan earlier and posted it to Twitter. Now FFCB have yellow flagged me. Ridiculous!'

Awesome work ZIRO. Thanks for that little bad boy.
Sentrymen be warned. Lost in GW11. Gonna be destroyed in GW12.

Only just had the time to read all of this work, great work lads 🙂

#LetsGoVipers

Like taking candy from BabyB. That easy.

#hillbillythuglife

Good Luck San Jose! Cheering for you guys all the way. Bring this trophy home! 😀

The captain has pulled the wildcard out.

Post test

Timbo bruv,
Check out my reply previous page to your (4th down) post.
Really made me giggle when I 'translated' the page !

Four Englishmen, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Greek and a Horse walk into a bar in Vegas.

"Is this some kind of joke?" says the barman.

"Its no joke," says the Scot, their valiant leader, "you're looking at the future winners of The Fantasy Chilli Bowl!"

"Candice in Room 7 does a Fantasy Chili Bowl as her specialty." says the barman.

Everyone pauses for a moment.

"Eight hurricanes*," says a particularly dapper looking Englishman, a former Disney actor "and how much does she charge?"

.....several hurricanes* later......

"So lads, its me and the horse in the love lounge first this week, with an extra large bucket of mayo and Candice washing off in the jaccuzi. Is everyone ready to captain Brunt!"

"Viva Las Vegas!"
"Viva Las Vegas!"
"Viva Las Vegas!"
"Viva Las Vegas!"
"Viva Las Vegas!"
"Viva Las Vegas!"
"Sommos Cubanos!
"Neigh!""

* the Hurricane is clearly the best of all the cocktails and now our official team drink. If anyone has a problem with this, I suggest that hey write their own damn pressers.

FFS can you see, that Brunt’s OOP?
And confused we all are at FPL’s mad flagging;
I swerved Gundogan, but now Allen is sh**e,
Behind the sofa we watched when Hazard was exploding.
And the good news is rare, the Coutinho dilemma’s a mare,
Sanchez is a doubt, other flags still out there:
But hey! we are still going, no FTs are saved
We’ll fight for the FCB, we will fight to the grave.

I'm bound for America as us Irish call it. The US of A, the "Free World". Why I hear you ask? International FPL duty. I got the call up this last week courtesy of my new gaffer Shipstontrev. He's put a motley crew of mercenaries together for the Fantasy Chili Bowl and I'll be honest my heart skipped a few beats when the call came through. "I want a balanced squad", Trev said, "a nice blend of flair and steel". I smiled, "So I'm the flair then?". Trev laughs heartily, I laugh like I've never laughed before, "Tony your the steel, you and your buddy... Nidgey". This just got better. "Be in Denver for Friday 18th November", Trev said, "we play Indianapolis at home on the Saturday. Dress sharp and make sure Nidge gets here in one bloody piece". "No problem gaffer I've got this".

Denver DoesDallas. My new team. Road trip baby. My butler pulls the black AMG Mercedes so close to the door he might as well have parked inside. I step out of the vehicle looking like a stud in all my finery. Black three piece suit, shoes so shiny I can see my own beautiful face, silver roller suitcase. I'm striding towards the glass automatic doors of Belfast International Airport. I check my new Tissot watch and think to myself "last chance to get some decent Guinness for a few weeks".

Inside I'm greeted with a fine sight. My old pal Nigel. Nidge is looking swish in his daring black leather look shiny tracksuit and split new air max. "How ya been bud?!", says Nidge, "aren't you looking like a new pin very dapper bud!". "Cheers Nidgey, you scrub up well yourself we ready to rock?". "Do you want the good news or the bad Tony?", says Nidge. "The bad please Nigel". "Flight is delayed Tony, it's not going for another 10hrs but it's ok I have a room in the hotel across the way".

Oh sweet and gentle Jesus. I'm getting flashbacks to the FIFFSA World Cup tournament passing before my very eyes. We had a ball we were crap but we had the best few weeks of our life. A 10hr delay before leaving Belfast has all the hallmarks of disaster written over it. Trev told me to keep it on a level and get here in one piece. Pieces more like! I can't let this get out of hand. "Guinness Tony?", Nidge says. Aye sure why not I'm thinking "Go on then!". "Pay with this sure" Nidge says. "Pay with this I'm for the jacks", he shakes my hand and and expertly transfers a bag of white and a rolled up fifty into my palm. Sweet and gentle Jesus. Get Nidge here in one piece isn't the brief anymore. Nidge is walking backwards into the toilet holding one nostril doing a snorting motion saying "let's have a party" in a Frank Gallagher stylee. The barman drops the two Guinness at our table giving me a nod in recognition of my Everton glory days just as Nidge returns. "Batter up my friend your on holiday, I need to start using this America lingo haha". He looks buzzing, I want to be buzzing. I head to the jacks myself and knock out two lines in a zigzag formation to resemble the Rocky Mountains - to Denver. I emerge bleary eyed to see Nidgey talking to what can only be described as two ladies of the night. Early 20s tight bodies very scantily clad. "Tony this is a friend of my Beyonce McLaughlin and her friend Shakira McKnight", says Nidge. Classy names, I say to myself internally. Nice bits of stuff all the same. Nidge proceeds to say "You can't have a 10hr delay without some entertainment. Let's hit room 603 buddy".

The girls are full of chat and in fairness mine has a cracking body. Nice face too. Is that the Charlie Chaplin in my system or is she hot? She looks hot now that's all that matters, "Have you drink in the room Nidge?". "I've anything your heat desires Tony my old pal!". I open the door to see a few crates of Guinness, bottles of Moet and Nidges stash box. Im losing the run of myself here. "Pour me and Hibbo a stiff drink girls. We have FPL to talk", Nidge says. "Do you know the rest of the boys Tony? Trev said something about a meeting and greet in Denver?", Nigel says. "Trev is a sound sound man laid back, loves his FPL, his Bournemouth, his FFS and his Nirvana". "Sounds dead on, proper man's man", Nidge says. "4Vets is a relative veteran Tony?". "Indeed Nigel, very humourous man. I can't say I know much about Jinksbach or Hunter S. Thompson but sure that's what these tournaments are for Nidgey, developing fpl contacts and friendships". The girls bring our drinks over and I can't help but notice they don't have any top or bra on. This international duty is top level stuff. "So there's you Tony, there's me, theres Trev the gaffer, there's 4vets, there's Jinksbach, there's Hunter S. Thompson..who am I missing is that it?", says Nidgey. "No, we have picket aces". "Who???!!", Nidgey says with excited exasperation. "Hall of fame legend MJ and the FPL myth Gargamel..". Nidge chokes on his drink and spits it all over Beyonce's chest. "We have this Tony, we have it!", Nidgey says.

We clink glasses, to Denver. To the lads we know and the lads we are about to meet. To the legends that we are going to create. To the poor folk from Indianapolis that are going to have their arses handed to them on a plate by Denver's latest mercenaries. I feel like a cowboy from the wild west. The hard liquor and narcotics is coursing through my veins. Nidge passes me over a very small glass picture frame, "batter up big man". "Oh I meant to say Tony did Trev give you any instructions", Nidge says. "Aye, get you here in one piece". We both laugh heartily. "He said them same to me about you Tony". We laugh heartily again. I reflect for a minute that Trev knows the craic with us already, pith we don't follow orders though.

"Come on now Tony, these girls are on the clock", says Nidge. The last memory I have is Shakira sitting on my face and thinking that is bloody tidy and this is a road trip. Looking across at Nidge he looked over delighted, "Yes Tony! This is international FPL our way. Indianapolis may order a new arsehole now". Fade to dark....

I hear the faint ringing of a telephone. Strangely its getting louder. I jolt awake with pure fear. We are still in Belfast, we are 15hrs away from Denver via Newark. "Hello Mr. Hibbert you and Nidge are a final call for your flight to Newark". I put the phone down and pondering my life choices and wondering why there are two very sexy ladies in a bed and me and Nidge sleeping in two armchairs at which point Nidge stirs, "final call then..have we time for a pint?".

We both laugh that heavy tar filled smokers cough, we aren't picture of health. There was me wanting to be on my A game for the meet and greet haha. "What time is it Tony?", says Nidge. "11.25 Nidge", I reply. We both look at each other in complete open mouth shock.

Sweet Jesus did you lock and load your team???!!! We scramble for our smartphones in blind panic. We had both set them in the middle of our sesh binge, phew.

International FPL. Is there a better sport?

We are ready. Chili Bowl watch out. Denver is here. And lock up your wives Hibbo and Nidgey are coming to town.

End of chapter 1.

A reminder that the deadline for emailing the benches is drawing near.

Get cranking on your email engines, captains!

8 Albuquerque team members walk into a library, one says shhh, librarian says that's one more word than you have posted in the chilibowl competition

THE TENSION MOUNTS IN CHICAGO

The deadline beckons, and excitement is building in the home dressing room, but Mr CALM has seen it all before. Pre-season training was tough, and boot camp in Saipan was no Camp David, but it was good preparation for those road trips to Philadelphia and Cleveland. Of course there is always one who can't cut it - last seen peddling his wares in Carnaby Street - but Mr CALM knew it would open a slot for the rookie who had been pestering the FCB hotline all week for a chance in the Majors. The veterans were relaxed: Hooky's ten years in the Big Leagues buys a lot of gravitas; Grubs was thinking about lunch (Philistines on Toast); and Ryan was testing the hotline to FPL Towers (who knows when a timely flag might come in handy). Elmes was loitering at the video-printer, expectant, and on the look-out for breaking news. The other newbies were wired: Grand Thibauto's GW11 score was the 2nd highest across the FCB conference; and bettered only by Fir-Ma-La-Nho - who needs more than four syllables to capture his talent. These guys came to play, and Mr CALM knew he had a contender.

It took the Cubs 108 years to win it all, but now that the fans filling the bleachers in BS Field have tasted success, they were hungry for more.

Its a time for strong nerves.

A time for heroes.

Time for BS.

Bring it on.

On the eve of the competition Ronhaar, captain of Austin Powers addresses his squad. "Tomorrow we play Philadelphia Sentrymen....".

A pause then a collective smile amongst Austin Powers as they "Groovy Baby".

Jonty , little finger on lip "Mr Bigglesworth will be pleased" .

The squad ask " Ronhaar, what do you know about Philadelphia?"

Ronhaar "They have lost their mojo"

Jonnyleeds asks " Ronhaar,I have always thought you were crazy but now I can see you're nuts"

Ronhaar smiles... I thank you"

Team sent.

All set. Good luck gentlemen.

The Waikiki beach raiders squad happily stroked their long canoes as the glided along the surf towards the team coach waiting for them on the harbour side. JTD assumed captain Cylus was saving him for the match when he hadn't been asked to take one of the oars. Little did he know it was because of his lack of opposable thumbs.
As they guided their long wooden vessels into the polygamists private port there was a jovial spirit in the squad. Wolves team building idea of playing guess the team with the most inbreds in group D had been a great idea.
Despite Delhi admitting his sister was actually Nicole scherzinger it turns out Jacksonville had the most. Which explained how they struggled to get eight players.
Scoredelario had also convinced the team that playing a group of two dimensional shapes with straight sides would be a walk over so he had arranged for everyone to have some fun at utahs premier bordello.
As they walked towards the team coach JTD noticed a man in uniform walking towards him . He began to worry that his scooby doo dress up as a woman kit he ordered from Amazon wasn't fooling the new trumpstazi guard posted at the port.
Could this impending quarantine mean he was going to have to be benched for the first week?
Would he get a refund from Amazon?
Would his humping of the guards leg constitute a legal marriage in Utah?

Pens down team submission deadline has passed

Good hunting Guys
https://scontent.flhr2-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15094915_10210868063915278_8127460932768775611_n.jpg?oh=fdaf7aae97f42d06451a43f44249a68e&oe=58BE5BC1

The Philistines are ready to fight $hite.

The room was hummed with a low mummer, the journalists waiting for the team news ahead of week 1 of the inaugural Fantasy Chilli Bowl. A spotty YTS trainee called Ruth fiddled with the microphones on the desk with it's pristine white sheeted covering, waiting for the yellow glow soon to cast over it. The venue prided itself on having a diverse workforce, happy to employ someone like Ruth who has mutiple personalities, 3 so far with possibly more unknown about. Regardless of how many personalities he had, everywhere he went it smelt slightly like teen spirit so you knew he'd been about.

The door to the left is pushed open, with more force than the saloon doors in a western when the tobacco chewing miscreant does to force the entire room to fall silent and watch in awe. It served it's purpose, President Cheesoid smiled in side as he walked into the now silent room, flanked either side by President Diva and President Sauzee.

He sits in the middle chair, reaching out and adjusting the microphone to sit beneath his mouth, much to the annoyance of Ruth the trainee, his famous yellow glow almost embarrassingly staining the white sheets.

He just sat there, unusually quiet. The journalists didn't know what to do. Luckily a brave soul decided to break the silence. Hi President Cheeseoid, it's Jonty here from FPL Twitter, who will be your benched players? Cheeseoid raised an eyebrow and said, 'Well as you know there has been a lot of international travel recently so injuries play a part somewhat, and President Oghash.....' He stopped talking, aghast at what he was seeing. The journalist Jonty had stopped taking notes, as soon as the name Oghash had been mentioned he'd pulled out a big device with two buttons on it. One coloured yellow with the words Yellow Flag underneath and one coloured red with the word Red Flag underneath it and pushed the red button.

'Hang on there' Cheeseoid bellowed, 'Oghash is not injured, let me finish before you start flagging people. I was about to say President Oghash was fighting fit and will be leading the line this week as both myself and President Diva have returned late from creating peace in the middle east.'

President Sauzee smirked to himself, he loved it when his leader put people in their place. Jonty sheepishly put his device back in his pocket and wished the ground would open him up.

'Any more questions?' the ill tempered Cheeseoid barked at the press. He had no time for imbeciles he thought. The crowd stayed silent.

'Ok' he said, 'Let me finish with this then if no one wants to speak up. LA Vipers think and feel they only have to turn up this week to win, they'd better be careful, we're not as easy as they think!'

With that both the Cheesoid and his companions made a swift exit.

Where's Tets McGee and his San Diego furries?

Get yer TETS out
Get yer TETS out
Get yer TETS out for the lads..... Get yer TETS out for the lads!!!

Good morning Conference C. Let me start by thanking Seattle in advance for helping us to a flying 3 p start. As we know, it is crucial to get a good start and having seen your team makes this a Hull (H) fixture for us.

Good luck to our casual friends in San Diego. Keep up the quality posts.

BREAKING NEWS

Update the Babies Imminent table Jonty, Elmes has just announced the successful arrival of the latest addition to the Chicago BS squad. Baby Leo comes straight in as team mascot for the FCB opener, with Dad, who clearly does not need to worry about firing blanks, leading the up front.

And Mum's doing fine too.

Cleveland can look forward to The Red Hot Chili Peppers coming to town, but the Chili bowl is going to Mississippi. Bring on GW12...

Morning all.

Everyone ready for the inevitable anticlimax of a post intl break gameweek