The Pre-Match Preamble – Gameweek 10

Up until Theo Walcott’s twang, I had made my decision: I was happy sitting still.

Frustrated at being restricted to ineffective one-step transfers, my policy now is to play to bank my Gamweek 10 move, allowing me to feel better about making three changes and tossing away four points, perhaps even next weekend.

I always like to cushion the blow of spending points – having that extra free transfer is just reassuring – it seems far easier to recoup the loss when you have three new players to rely on.

With Sergio Aguero’s form and pitch time causing consternation, it just feels prudent to book myself in for some imminent minor surgery. If the City striker keeps stuttering, I’m going to need several moves to get the most from that 13 million.

The multiple transfers are just one of the reasons why I’m reluctant to sell up – the fact that Aguero is the best goalscorer in the Premier League also kind of prays on my mind. But I’m preparing myself for a painful separation procedure.

I’ve got modest expectations of Aguero today. I can see Manchester City limping to a draw at the Hawthorns and offering me two-point returns from both the Argentinian and Raheem Sterling. I’m even wheeling out Gareth McAuley to prove my point, admittedly more by necessity than design.

Instead, I’m giving myself the uneasy scenario of pinning all my hopes on the early televised kick-off.

With skipper Alexis Sanchez, the wounded Walcott and the starved Jermain Defoe all in action from 12.30, my Gameweek could spiral into mediocrity and minor disaster in the first couple of hours.

It’s a depressing thought that, if it ends in a gaggle of two-point returns, I’ll need to rouse myself and focus on Fantasy Football for the rest of the day, keeping my table-flipping frustration at bay and mustering smiles and stilted conversation with those around me.

There’s a lot at stake here, Alexis.

I’m tempted to avoid it, by trusting in Romelu Lukaku to maintain his improbable record against West Ham, but Sanchez just stands out as the optimum skipper.

This will be me keeping faith in the Chilean – the third consecutive Gameweek I’ve thrown him the armband. In my world, that counts for something – that tells me that he’s due a big return. He owes me.

I’ve also toyed with Defoe to Troy Deeney, convinced that the Sunderland striker will be comfortably outgunned, but I’ve set my heart on having two transfers ahead of the break.

With Walcott potentially missing out – perhaps inexplicably protected for Arsenal’s trip to Bulgaria – I’m faced with the prospect of relying on Etienne Capoue. A player I’d written off, reserved for a later transfer when I’d eventually cash in the handy profit he’s made me.

Again, there’s an obvious trade to Joe Allen, but I’m going to resist the allure of the mulleted Welshman.

I’m going to sit on my hands. There’s no touching while Capoue and Sanchez buddy up to treat me to a two-point lapdance, leaving me to pull fake grins for the rest of the day.