Good day FFS readers and welcome to another Ungentlemanly Conduct. Let me take you on a magical mystery tour through the murky world of fantasy football and those things which have worried, annoyed and irritated me in equal measure during the past week…
Rotation, Rotation, Rotation
The recession has hit us all – saving accounts are draining away, rainy day funds are a thing of the past and poor old Mrs. Hubbard’s shelves are so bare she had to eat her own dog to stay alive. Now it’s almost like the recession has hit the pot of so called “un-rotational” players. This imaginary pot is, unfortunately, diminishing as the days drift on. Hark back to the glory days when teams used to choose their squads from a select band of 14 or 15 players and it’s easy to get jealous of Fantasy Football managers of old whose biggest worry was whether Lee Sharpe would score against Swindon…
For us 21st century Fantasy Football managers the big concern is the lack of certs who are immune from the dreaded r-word. Now there’s more than one of you out there who’ve been stitched up by a certain Mr Ferguson this week – i’m looking at you Carrick and O’shea owners – and who logged into to see how their points were racking up only to find neither of them started. Unfortunately for us all we’re getting absolutely Pardewed by Premier Divison managers who insist of keeping their squads fresh. The only thing worse that a player not starting is a player which doesn’t start, comes on after 85 minutes, does nothing and blocks your sub defender who inevitably scored.
So what ingenious schemes can we conjure up to combat this? Well, short of writing a strongly worded letter to each of the top four managers in the Premier League, nothing unfortunately. The best we can do is keep tabs with a list of players which we feel, bar injury, are free from rotation. Then force Mark by gunpoint to pin the list somewhere.
I’ll start this for the top four – in defensive positions we have Reina, Almunia, Cech, Carragher, Glen Johnson, Terry, Evra, Vidic, and Gallas (I stole these from Mark – sue me). In midfield i’m limiting it to Lampard, Gerrard, Mascherano, Kuyt, Fabregas and Arshavin and up front its Drogba, Rooney and Torres.
You could argue that some of these would still be rotated around Champion’s League games but i’d say, bar a loss of form or an injury, this small list of “hardcore certs” will play the majority of their team’s games. There are probably one or two which you might think deserve on there – Ashley Cole and Van Persie spring to mind – but with new signings and previous rotation can we for certain bank on these guys? What a freakin’ nightmare. The thing is its not consigned to just the big four – even the teams near the bottom rotate players who you feel should most certainly play. Its enough to give you sleepless nights. I hereby state that Premier League managers are my arch enemies.
Arshavin or waxing
In my most humblest of opinions Andrei Arshavin is a bit special. We saw it with Russia in the Euro’s, with Zenit in the Uefa Cup and at the back end of last season with l’Arsenal. No doubt thousands of you agreed and duly put him into your carefully mastered Fantasy Football teams for the start of the season. Yet after two games people are getting twitchy and dumping him like a soggy sandwich. Admittedly with 10 Arsenal goals scored in two games, one of which was played at home to Portsmouth, backers of the diminutive Russian would have expected more than one assist and one bonus point.
Fair enough, i’m inclined to agree, but i’m also inclined to say – you put him in your team for a reason – he’s a goal threat who is more than capable of getting into double figures. For those who own him – show a little patience. To Andrei – pull your finger out lad! Or as one may say to him Russian – Забейте голы маленький карлик
(Ed. This was written pre goal against Celtic – keep the faith!!)
Differentials make my world go round
“I’m looking for a differential but I don’t want to join the Tottenham bandwagon and put all my eggs in one basket. ”
It’s almost like Fantasy Football Scout has its own lexicon which is great (unless you’re new to the site) but i’ll be honest with you – these are words that irritate me. Thankfully last season I’m Not Marshal Foch suggested that the age old saying “Don’t put all your eggs in one Basket” be updated to the 21st century alternate “Don’t put all your files on one USB Pen” which, like it or loath it, makes sense – who puts their eggs in baskets these days anyway? I’m suggesting that here and now we use this opportunity to come up with alternatives to two words that annoy me – Bandwagon and Differential. Is Bandwagon the most over used word on the site? Is differential really the best word to describe a player which no one has? Are there are other words people say on the site that annoy you too? Let’s start a debate to see if we can’t come up with some better alternates – even it’s just to save my fragile sanity.
Anti-Bandwagon
This week’s anti-bandwagon is an easy one and falls into the lap of a certain Vassiriki Diaby who during the current Gamesweek has been transferred in by about 50,000 people. Now, of course, he smashed two goals against a quite frankly dire Portsmouth team and has, in the past, been known for chipping in with one or two cheeky goals but I mean come on guys – really? This guy has rotation tattooed across his forehead and whilst he’ll likely keep his place due to Fabregas’ injury he’s a huge risk in future despite what Wenger says.
Add to that the fact that Arsenal are set to play Man Utd and Man City in their next two fixtures and i’m going to stick my neck out and say he ain’t gonna be playing and scoring regularly enough this season to warrent inclusion in your team. Oh and just to say if you are thinking of getting him in or even ditching Fabregas, bear in mind there is a two week international break after Gamesweek 4 so in all likelihood Cesc will probably just miss the Manchester United game. Is it really worth the risk?