Fantasy Chili Bowl – Captains Announcement

If I can prove I was born in Hawaii can I be a president

‘Now then Now then’ said the golden haired stranger to the crowd massing.

‘Goodness gracious guys and gals, would you like me to fix it for you?’

It wasn’t much of a sound that followed and nothing like you’d expect if you’d been drip fed Hollywood movies all of your life. A short sharp blat, like someone had punctured the air slightly before the atmosphere realised and corrected itself.

As the speaker head seemed to explode, marking a kill instantly President Harry ‘Slamdog’ Truman thought it was such a waste of a nice cigar as he watched the now lifeless body somehow defying gravity with half of its head missing and brains hanging off the now sodden fine Cuban cigar.

Switching the monitor off and simultaneously saying and looking at his colleagues ‘Why couldn’t this place be called Tracey Island?’ George W. Oghash grumbled to anyone that’d listen. OF course the only person that had to listen to the presidents constantly was its mercurial leader, President Abraham Cheeseoid, and listen he did.

‘Come on Oggy’Cheesoid said with a sign. Look around you, what does this place feel like when you take the moment to let its beauty sink in.

‘Nirvana’ George W. Oghash said quickly and with a smile, ‘Ok, boss, I get your point, we’re lucky to have this place’

President John F. Keninnsie raised his hand and the air felt like it had been sucked out of the room and the tension that could be felt amongst the mighty Presidents was palpable.

With the chalk in his raised hand he scribbled 8 names on the blackboard behind him.

Goldman
The Wise Owl
SCAB
Roger Hernandezz
Zombie
Red Reddingtons
Jay
Juggos

‘These are our next targets. We dealt a blow to the evil powers that want to destroy all what is good about this world by killing the evil overlord’s number 2 thanks to President Bernie Sauzee as we saw in the video’

‘Shame about the cigar’ Slamdog butted in, much to his masters annoyance.

‘But’ President Cheesoid said, ‘We can’t get to the evil one until we know who he is, all we know is that he likes to tell people to go look at the stickies or to read the hot topic, doesn't have any real friends and has always had a power complex’

Cheeseoid left an intentional pause to let it sink in to his heroes heads. As much as he sometimes felt like a teacher trying to, and failing, to manage a bunch of naughty school children he was proud of his presidents, each and every one of them, even President Donald Balders, especially him as he’d given up his identity and created a false alter ego just to ensure the Clinton woman didn't get into power. Once she’d been respectful and decent and Cheesoid had even considered her for a position within the Presidents but after catching one too many STDs from her husband it had sent her criminally insane.

‘But’ Cheesoid repeated, we have to overcome his henchmen starting with those Vipers from LA. Goldman is nothing of the sort, he’s tin plated at best’

Chuckle Cheesoid thought whilst emitting an almost baby like giggle, he did like to chuckle at himself. Snapping himself out of it he focused his eyes on the pairing of Franklin Diva Roosevelt and Barack o'Badger

‘What’s your report on them, are they a danger, who should we look to concentrate on.

‘Well’ Barack said, ‘Jay with his hammers backed up by The Wise Owl are the two who could be troublesome. The others are nobodies, pretenders to the throne’

Franklin piped up, ‘Saturday is the time we’ll hit them boss, it’ll be a 3 day tactical assault and they are expecting us but they've vastly under estimated us.

Cheeseoid smiled, he knew his men, he knew this would be tough but he knew he could best them. Looking around him he couldn't help but let the wave after wave of contentedness flow over him and only one word kept repeating in his head. Nirvana.

A large presidential motorcade came sweeping into Twin Wildcards looking as out of place as Tony Hibbert on a list of Premier League hotshots.

The presidents were gathering in the International Break coffee shop. Aside from the large glass windows at the front, this quiet temple to caffeinated drinks bore a remarkable resemblence to a 1960s super villain layer. It took four security guards to bring in the Big Cheese's egg-shaped bulletproof chair that had been transported from Washington especially for this meeting.

As they wrestled the seat into place, Special Agent Diva Cooper (AKA President Franklin Diva Roosevelt) stared absently out of the window as vehicles passed by: A low-riding purple Cadillac soft top, a sinister black van, a light blue sedan desperately trying to pretend it wasn't part of the US Air Force car pool, a Jacksonville tour bus with large speakers and police escort, a beige and orange camper van with fumes coming out of a rear window, and a small boy riding a red pedal trike. All pretty normal fair for small town America.

With the special chair in place, the presidents gathered around the three small tables that had been shoved together for the meeting.

The chair swiveled round to reveal the ovoid form of President Abraham Cheeseoid nestled snuggly inside like a matryoshka doll. The Big Cheese looked around at the Presidents assembled before him:

President Franklin Diva Roosevelt
President Donald Balders
President Harry Slamdog Truman
President George W. Oghash
President John F. Keninnsie
President Bernie Sauzee
President Barack o'Badger

This was the team that would lead the Presidents' quest for the Fantasy Chili Bowl.

After some wriggling, President Abraham Cheeseoid was able to escape the snug embrace of his chair and stand to address the assembled group.

As the ovoid one started to speak, Special Agent Diva Cooper spied the sinister black van driving slowly by the windows again, this time with its side door open. Something felt horribly wrong. He stood, drawing his FBI standard issue sidearm just as flashes of light flared from the opening in the van.

The large glass windows of the International Break shattered as a hail of lead rained in.

"Everyone down," shouted President Harry Slamdog Truman as he reached for his sheriff's revolver.

But it was too late. Several bullets slammed into Special Agent Diva Cooper.

He slumped to the ground, muttering: "I've taken some hits."

1FT & 2.0 itb thoughts??

Pickford
Koscielny / Lovren / Walker
Coutinho / Hazard / Firmino / Gundogen
Aguero / Austin / Lukaku

Bench: Jaku, Amat, Barry, Kelly

The warehouse in Brooklyn was witnessing more activity than usual. It wasn't often that the bosses came together at such short notice, but circumstances made this meeting inevitable. Smoke hung thick in the air and everyone was tense, except for Sid. He had been expecting this for a while now. There had been rumblings in the underground networks of a possible nationwide showdown, and with each passing day the rumours were becoming stronger and stronger.

Sid worked on the piece of wood he carried around in his pocket. As the blade whittled shapes into it, he was mentally sizing his men up. Tommy, tg, phoenix, hari, snuffles, khan and the fox. He could pull in some more finger-men and recruit grunts off the street. Young but fearless, the boys would up for it.

The door burst open tg came in panting.
'Its true, boss. The word on the streets is that we'll be up against Five of the families. San Fran, Vegas, San Diego, San Jose and Seattle. Gonna be massive brawl'

'Alright', said Sid. Getting up from his plush seat, he began walking around the table. As the faces bore down on him, he looked for signs of weakness. None. All of them had absolute faith in him. 'Listen up, boys. These aren't the pansies you've been roughin up on the streets. They're hardened enforcers from families as strong as ours. KoL, Timbo, McGee and Spectrum have been in this business for a long time and we've all respected the territories. But the time has come. This Conference isn't big enough for all of us, and the Guns will claim it for New York.'

'TG, send out the word. We're loadin up on everythin'. This is an all-out turf war. The Tommy Guns are gonna bite the Chili and spit fire'

You lot are mental.

Thanks for taking me in the team Tommy guns.. proud to be a part

some great pressers knocking around, fair play to everyone

Their people had a long a proud history, stretching back beyond time itself, back to…. well it didn’t have a name but it was a long time ago. The elders had gathered for four long nights, nights that where long and windy. Darn beans. They had finally emerged from the ancient meeting place used by their forefathers, big mags wakawaka health spa. Cleansed of all turtle Sh*t they announced the eight bold warriors who would face the great journey across the vast area known to their people as Water.
Each of these warriors would take the name of one of the eight island of Hawaii. Representing the strength of the inhabitants of all the islands (even the uninhabited one).
Leading the journey would be ‘Big’ cylus. Or to give him his tribal name I’takie-de leadi. A young warrior who had gained his manhood by defeating the ferocious teddy bear crab in unarmed combat.
HOH ‘garden’ was the eldest warrior chosen. A warrior with scars from many great battles. Revered by all the islanders he was known locally as fantrakii due to his great knowledge of the ancient mysteries of the other place.
Gloria ‘gathering’ kanchelskis belonged to one of the oldest families from the great islands. It is believed the island known as gathering was indeed named after his family due to the many visiting sailors gathering in the huts of his female ancestors.
It is believed that all of the creatures of the islands are of one and equal and shall live in harmony with each other. This is why John Terrys Dog or ‘friendly’ as he shall be known has been given a place on the great journey. The fact his seat is next to the salt, pepper and cooking oil is just a coincidence.
The Hawaiian island have welcomed people from all cultures since time began, (wasn’t it before time-Ed) . One such race came from deep south of america it is told, with their banjos and marriages where the sister and the bride where but one person and their… hang on , what? South America? Ah err well , here is scoredelario, or ‘target’ as he shall be called cause it kinda fits.
Our islands have always welcomed new people with open arms and treat them as one of us. When viratkholi came to our paradise he uttered the words of the great Hawaiian scholar Lilikalā Kameʻeleihiwa , "If you didn't sleep with a man, how could you trust him when you went into battle? How would you know if he was going to be the warrior that would protect you at all costs, if he wasn't your lover?" we immediately named him ‘forbidden’.
Our next warrior has taken the name ‘valley’ , meaning a low area of land between hills or mountains, usually with a river or stream running through it. This is why wolves_simmo has been chosen to go on the journey, because eh wolves can maybe live in hills and simmo kinda sounds like streamo. C’mon look what I have to work with.
Finally our warrior who will take out all enemies, our star striker, hawaii answer to jason lee, who shall henceforth be known as ‘pineapple’ , I give you delhi dyanomo. Honestly I am close to giving up.
These bold eight warriors set off in their outrigger canoe destined for trumpland, waved off by weeping relatives and a few Japanese tourists. Navigating the long and arduous journey that would take them to the nearest harbour were they would board a P&O cruise liner for first class travel to los angeles and the five star accomodation that would be their base. C’mon it aint the 17th century anymore.

Knock knock

Any hillbillies been around or are they too busy with their sisters?

Phoenix Philistines have prepared this gift to Chicago Bull Sitters before our match-up: https://youtu.be/4Hr3jYKvydY

Since we are known for our innovative use of iron, this work of art was created naturally. Our deluded german captain laid the groundwork to this creature, when sitting on the toilet of course.

Well well, friendly talk is over. Remember, enemies of Chicago, don't wipe your *sses before you *hit - because Phoenix are coming for you with eternal ferocity.

President Bernie Sauzee clasped his aching head between his hands. Everything he believed about FPL had been brought in to disarray. And all because of one man: President Donald Balders. This autocrat had seized power through a combination of false promises and an occult hairpiece. Taking umbrage with the foreign-sounding names of the Jacksonville Jamaicans and Albuquerque Shaolin, President Balders had decided on his first presidential act: to win the Fantasy Chili Bowl and send these undesirables back to where they came from (before employing them in one of his slave labour factories manufacturing caps with catchy slogans on them).

By joining the Washington DC Presidents, President Donald Balders had rattled Bernie’s ideology to the core. President Bernie Sauzee believed in the power of FPL to crush the 1% and bring justice and joy to the 99% (despite the despotic reign of a certain elitist Finnish HoF member). Maybe those Heaton save points are the only thing getting that single mother in Batimore through her 80-hour work week. Maybe that flag being removed from Hazard is the only reason that Wild Rover can get out of bed in the morning.

Only one thing was certain. President Bernie Sauzee faced a choice: to work with President Donald Balders or give up everything he believed in.

PHOENIX PHILISTINES SCOUTING REPORT

An eclectic mix of attacking intent and questionable toilet training; more likely to blow up the bus than park it. Look out out for:

Hurricane Gilbert - He was big in the Caribbean and Texas but no impact since 1988. Should be at home in the Windy City.

Meghan - Will need to be closely marked but watch out for the Diplomatic Protection team. No selfies.

Rukawa and Dmhomag - Believed to be hitmen from the Far East. Weapon of choice - the Kun.

Maitreya Sohani - Their ringer (according to our ringer).

Zombieeaten - Enjoys meeting people and eating out (according to Spooner). Probably best to go for zonal marking.

Skipdipper - Party animal with excellent credentials (no need to check). Last seen carving effigies of Spectrum.

KingOzil (Captain) - A fine talent but rarely performs in November; and is still waiting for someone to wipe his bum. Brown flag.

Recommended strategic plan: Win.

To Jarvish or other FCB Mods,

This is regarding the usage of Chips. From your Rules its mentioned that BB - TC Chips don't count. Its a welcome move, and its good that u have enforced it. But I have a doubt.

When it comes to TC, its easy to calculate the score after negating the effect of the chip. But what about BB? Some pple deploy BB and put their best players on the Bench for the heck of it. Is it possible to mention in the team line-up submission form/email that these are the players that X wishes to be considered as starters for the purpose of FCB? I think you should make it clear or it might end up in a major squabble later on. Cheers

Feel like i should post something but lack the patience or the total detachment from reality required to post one of those long winded stories about some fantasy events vaguely related to a fantasy game about a fantasy game.

Do i need to stay in more?

How many are we supposed to bench each week now?

Is there any spreadsheet over all teams with links to all the players out yet?

We would like to wish Austin Powers the very best of luck in the second round of this tournament and hope they can recover from the first round loss infliceted by us, the Philadelphia Sentrymen 😉

Am I too late to enter this?